Obsession does not mean love

Love tends to be confused with some pathological personality traits. One of them is obsession, characterized by a strong romantic attraction and the obsessive need to be reciprocated in the same way.

Not knowing how to recognize the differences between love and obsession can harm relationships, as well as one’s own emotional health. The truth is that it is difficult to differentiate love from obsession. Even, The belief that love has manic characteristics of obsession is very common.

In this article, we will show you the main differences between both notions, which will help you recognize them more precisely.

Obsession does not mean love

The first thing we must take into account is that Love and obsession are two absolutely different states. Although obsession may seem like an exaggeration of love, it really is not.

Obsession does not imply loving someone, but rather feeling that without the other person we cannot live.. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov states that obsessive behavior lies in:

Wish, above all, the well-being of the desired person. Change your own agenda to coincide with theirs, acquiring a stalker-like behavior.Focus only on the admirable aspects and ignore their negative characteristics.Falsify one’s own attitude to force a personality according to one’s tastes.Feeling a kind of relief when thinking, speaking, observing or feeling the presence of the desired person.

Tennov describes a number of physical effects of obsession, such as: rapid heartbeat, tremors, inconstant sweating, or eating disorders.

In obsession it is understood that each member of the couple is the property of the other.

Main differences between love and obsession

It is essential to know how to distinguish these two phenomena, otherwise we can easily fall into toxic relationships and contract emotional discomfort. Please read the following characteristics carefully.

conception of the couple

When we feel love for someone we see them as our complement. Instead, By obsessing, we feel that that someone is constantly missing us. We have a feeling of emptiness when it is absent.

In obsession, we feel that we cannot live without him or her, that we need him or her; while in love, our happiness and our fulfillment do not depend on the other person.

Possession

Another difference between love and obsession is possession. The obsessed person believes that their partner belongs to them, so they will exercise constant and obsessive control over this person.. Some examples are the need to know what you are going to do, how and when. That is, knowing your plans in detail and knowing who you will be or interact with.

Obsessive attention is exclusively reserved for the desired person, losing sight of one’s own life. It’s as if everything gravitates around her.

Instead, love is based on acceptance, freedom and respect. Who understands this, It allows your partner to cultivate their own individuality and give wings to their projects. Furthermore, they assume that the other person is responsible for themselves, so they feel and think that they do not have to monitor their actions or try to obsessively control them.

Jealousy

In love, each person’s personal, intimate spaces are respected, so there is no room for irrational jealousy or obsessive possession. In addition, there is the trust that the loved one is in the relationship because she wants it, and is free to end it when she decides.

On the other hand, The obsessive relationship is based on the need to fill an intrinsic void, for fear of abandonment, to helplessness. Any indication that shows that the desired person cultivates his own life and relates to others gives rise to the obsessive person to feel jealousy, fear and insecurities, which is why he resorts to controlling and demanding his presence always.

Jealousy indicates feelings of insecurity in those who experience it.

Self-esteem

Obsession with someone occurs when the person suffers from low self-esteem. Those who are not capable of loving themselves experience a great void, which they seek to fill and satisfy with another person. This is why they feel that without it they are not able to live.

To love genuinely it is essential to love ourselves. Only in this way will we be able to respect the subjectivity and accept the freedom of our partner. Remember that couples are not there to fill gaps, but to complement us.

Grief after breakup

To close the differences between love and obsession, we will touch on the experience of breakup. In the case of love, grief usually develops normally, without prolonging or becoming pathological..

Grief is usually much more difficult when an obsessive relationship ends, because other psychological problems are at play such as low self-esteem, emotional dependence, fear of loneliness, personal insecurities, etc. The best thing is to go to a psychologist to help us overcome these conflicts.

Finally, it is quite common for the obsessive person to “fall in love” with another person shortly after ending the relationship, because they need someone to fill their emotional void.

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