My partner makes me feel bad, what can I do?

“My partner makes me feel bad, for some time now I feel like a zero on the left.”“. These types of comments, thoughts and sensations are present in many people who are in a relationship. Men and women can experience at a given moment that the bond with their loved one takes a turn and suddenly falls into criticism, humiliation or even abuse.

The most striking thing about these situations is that, On average, we are much more tolerant of emotional abuse than we think. At the end of the day, undervaluation, ridicule or insult does not leave a mark on the skin and one gives in, lowers one’s face and says to oneself: “this is something specific, it has been a bad day, it will change or I just have to make an effort.” to treat me better“. And yet, none of this works and the feeling of discomfort persists.

It is important to talk about these situations for an obvious fact. According to studies, such as the one carried out at Case Western University in Cleveland (United States), between 50 and 80 percent of people may experience emotional abuse at some point in their lives. It’s more, These types of situations are especially common in younger couples.

Feeling bad in a relationship, feeling uncomfortable in some aspects or Perceiving that we are undervalued by others is not something that should be let go. They are nails that hurt with every step, wounds that become bigger and that we must face as soon as possible.

My partner makes me feel bad, why does it happen and what should I do?

It would be great to be able to choose how to feel regardless of what others do or don’t do. However, within a relationship it is very difficult to remain indifferent. There is love, commitment, expectations, and more. How to act as if nothing happened when the person we love criticizes us, makes us invisible or makes fun of us in front of other people?

As we can imagine, it is not only impossible, but it is also devastating. So, When my partner makes me feel bad every other day, we are facing a situation of psychological abuse.. It is true that, sometimes, we can cause some type of suffering to the other person without meaning to: we have all made mistakes. However, there is a difference with a situation of emotional or psychological abuse.

There is a clear desire for reparation. When you disappoint or harm the person you love in any way possible, you do everything possible to heal that mistake and learn from what you experienced. The abusive person, on the other hand, will ask for forgiveness, but will do it again.. Let’s see, therefore, what are the most common situations in which someone can make the other person feel bad in an emotional relationship.

Makes judgments about you without trying to understand you

This is a fairly common dynamic. Sometimes, our partner can judge us and tell us that “You are naive about these issues.”““It’s just that you are obsessive and you always take things in the worst way.”… When they begin to label us, to make hasty judgments about what we say or do without understanding our position, we feel suffering.

What can you do? Don’t let anyone make hasty judgments about you, much less your partner. Demand respect, dialogue, speak assertively, making your position clear..

Whoever judges you without understanding your reality shows not only a lack of empathy: it is a clear lack of respect. It is a way of devaluing your beliefs, opinions, values ​​and essentially, everything you are.

“I don’t have any problem, it’s you who don’t understand me.”

My partner makes me feel bad when I tell him that there are things that are not going well. Far from admitting them or taking responsibility for them, he projects guilt onto me. He insists that I’m the one who doesn’t understand it, I’m the one who is neglecting the relationship.

Regarding this dimension there is something that we must understand. The person who uses the projection of guilt as a strategy seeks above all to evade his or her own responsibility. and, in turn, hurt the couple. It seeks to make us feel bad, invalidate us and thus regain power.

We must not enter that game, If we do so we will have fallen into the trap of psychological manipulation. Specifically specify what aspects are failing in the relationship. Clarify what you expect, what you need, and what the relationship needs to improve. Make it clear what your limits are and what you will not tolerate.

My partner makes me feel bad because he tells me what I should do and what I shouldn’t do.

In abusive relationships based, above all, on emotional manipulation, it is very common for one of the two seeks to exercise absolute control. This means, among other things, that they tell us what we should do and what we should not do. Also that they use blackmail by reminding us that if we were this way and not another, we would make them happier.

The answer to these situations is clear: never give in. We cannot dilute ourselves to the point of losing our identity, dignity and self-concept. Maintaining a relationship should be synonymous with growth and emotional enrichment. Now, if someone imposes on us how to be and how to act, we lose ourselves.

Let’s not give in. What’s more, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Amsterdam (Netherlands) tell us that These types of situations can be very dangerous in profiles with low self-esteem.. These people end up making great sacrifices that they later regret.

Hurtful comments and behaviors

Making use of irony that hurts, of hidden and everyday contempt, diminishes dignity. Seeing how our partner ridicules us in public, how he launches sharp attacks to hurt us generates devastating suffering. As do, for example, hurtful behaviors such as screaming, anger and, of course, insults.

Why would someone make their partner feel bad?

Everyone has a bad day, we all go through times that make us worse. However, this cannot be the usual tone of a relationship. In this last case, several reasons may come together:

Your partner has a problematic character: it could be selfishness, narcissism, insecure attachment, low emotional intelligence, evil, etc.The relationship has a toxic dynamic: It usually occurs in relationships that are unbalanced from the beginning. Thus, it is possible that your partner adopts a superior position in which he or she has more privileges.You have problems to solve within you: low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment, need to please or poor ability to set limits.

There is no worse response than doing nothing, than telling ourselves that they will change, that perhaps, if we make an effort to “be more accommodating” things can improve. Let’s be clear, if my partner makes me feel bad today, here and now, I must tell him.. If this behavior is repeated again, I will demand changes and a willingness to repair.

Now, if this dynamic of hidden aggression and emotional attack persists, it is best to make a decision. Let us remember that love is the most nourishing and healing emotion that exists.. There is no room for suffering, tears, and even less fear. Let’s keep it in mind to act in the correct way.

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