My partner looks more at his phone than at me: what can I do?

Technology has had a significant impact on the way people interact. Even within a couple, the use of electronic devices can have a positive or negative influence. For example, it can help you stay connected in case you have to maintain the relationship from a distance. But it could also become a problem, as happens when your partner looks more at their cell phone than at you.

This situation can be the cause of disputes between the couple, since it implies ignoring the other. If some measures are not taken, conflicts may continue to escalate. At some point, the relationship could become unsustainable, leading to a breakup.

“Phubbing”: when your partner looks more at the phone than at you

Do you feel like your partner is not paying attention to you because you are checking your phone? Then you are probably a victim of phubbing.

This anglicism is a combination of the words snubbing (‘despise’) and phone (‘phone’). It is used to talk about a phenomenon in communication, when one of the parties invests more attention on the phone than in the conversation. This problem is becoming increasingly common in today’s society, in which technology plays an important role.

In this sense, the phubbing It can appear in a good number of situations. A study on telephone use and satisfaction with one’s partner showed that phubbing decreases well-being.

Those people who reported higher levels of phubbingthey also felt less satisfied with their relationship. Likewise, symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression were observed in them (González-Rivera, Segura-Abreu and Urbistondo-Rodríguez, 2018).

Similarly, Ergün, Göksu and Sakız (2020) presented work on the relationship of phubbing with certain psychometric variables. The team found that this behavior is positively associated with anxiety, depression, somatization, loneliness and hostility.

If your partner looks more at his cell phone than at you, it is best to take action on the matter.. This way, you will prevent it from becoming more serious than it originally was. Remember that you can avoid or get out of many crises if you act before they worsen.

What should I do if my partner looks at his cell phone more than at me?

He phubbing It is not something that should be taken lightly. Both within the couple and outside of it, this way of distributing attention has directly or indirectly ended many relationships, by directly affecting communication.

Therefore, if it happens, it is time for us to start taking steps to change it.

1. Talk to your partner

The first thing to do is confront the situation peacefully, so a conversation is necessary. Make sure you explain how you feel about what is happening at an appropriate time and place. Thus, it is best to have a face-to-face conversation in a quiet and intimate space without any distractions.

Along these lines, this talk can help us identify some problems that you may not have noticed before. You may discover that routine is the cause of the problem or that your partner looks at their cell phone more as a way to avoid communication.

2. Agree to put the phone aside

People often have the habit of engaging in parallel conversations over the phone. They hear, and don’t listen, while they type. Thus, on one side and on the other they answer automatically, until they perceive some differential stimulus.. In this way, details and nuances are lost.

One way to avoid this is Leave the phone with the screen facing down on the table or leave it in your jacket bag. Thus, in face-to-face conversations, the screen is best off. In this way, we will avoid communication problems.

3. Limit the use of technology

Nowadays, technology is present in almost all areas of human life. People tend to use their devices until it’s time to sleep, which can be harmful. For this reason, it is essential to establish certain rules regarding the use of the internet and mobile phones.

An example would be agreeing with your partner not to bring tablets or phones into the bedroom.. It is useful to keep in mind that the bedroom is an intimate space that you both share. Thus, staring at devices can ruin the importance of intimacy in your relationship.

4. Organize “screen-free” activities

Sometimes boredom or routine can be a key factor in the appearance of communication difficulties. In this way, the solution would be to reserve moments to share as a couple without technology.

This will not only help with the problem of your partner looking at their cell phone more than at you, but it will strengthen the bond. Spend a few pleasant days doing something you enjoy.

5. Consider going to therapy

Sometimes, there are deeper and more complicated reasons for some problems within relationships. The best way to proceed in such cases, if both parties agree, is to seek professional help. Couples therapists have resources and techniques that allow you to explore any conflict in the relationship.

In this sense, therapy would not only serve to address the phubbingbut also for other objectives. For example, you may realize that it is time to clarify your horizon as a couple.

Finally, keep in mind that if your partner looks more at his cell phone than at you, it is no reason to underestimate you. There are those who come to think that perhaps the problem is due to the fact that they are not “attractive” enough for the other person. If you have these types of thoughts, it is important that you reflect on your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself.

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