My partner is very passive in our relationship: why is this?

In the field of relationships there is a very effective recipe for disaster: passivity.. Falling in love with someone who, far from working on the bond daily, takes it for granted and barely attends to it, hurts. Because love requires great dynamism and, as Eric Fromm said, it is like an art form that demands effort, discipline and time.

Despite this, it is common to lead to relationships dominated by the passivity of one of its members.. They are people who harm us without even lifting a finger, who disturb us with their lack of initiative and lack of emotional response. The striking thing is that behind this behavior is not always a lack of affection, but rather a very distorted way of responding to love.

It should be noted that this dimension has nothing to do with a calm or calm character. We are faced with a personality profile that does not understand the responsibility of having a partner. He is someone insecure, lacking initiative and used to delegating to others. In fact, they are figures with a clear inclination towards dependence; to let the other person do, decide, act and solve. What is behind this behavior? What can we do? We analyze it.

Passive behaviors affect any scenario in a couple: emotional, economic, work, etc.

My partner is very passive in our relationship: possible causes

There is a phrase that frequently appears in many therapy sessions: “my partner is very passive.”. It is common to complain that the other person does not say, does not act, does not support the responsibilities of the relationship with the same energy and willingness as we do. The moment a person alone assumes the full weight of an emotional bond, those foundations shake.

The striking thing is that a fact usually occurs that may seem contradictory to us. There are people who are very assertive and decisive in the social and work areas; However, they are very passive on an emotional level.. When they enter that sphere of emotional intimacy and emotional responsibility, they lack countless skills.

This means that, for a time, it is one of the parties that pulls on that bond, until, little by little, wear, contradictions and suffering make one stop.. And we do it by asking ourselves if such a sacrifice is worth it. Because, even though the other person is asked to act and respond, change almost never materializes. The motives? We will see them soon.

1. Education, cultural biases and personal factors

Behind the way we build and act in a relationship, there are unconscious social and cultural factors; for example, sexism and traditional roles. We could even suggest that there are still men who leave the emotional aspects, parenting tasks, etc. on women. Also, there are women who are very prone to dependency.

However, these realities are changing and there are more relevant factors that can explain this passivity. For example, There are personality profiles with zero competencies in the emotional and relational sphere. Perhaps since their childhood they are accustomed to having others nurture their needs and validate their emotions.

2. Anxious-passive attachment

Anxious attachment is another element by which someone becomes obsessed with receiving other people’s affection passively, without investing in reciprocity. They are people who understand love in a unidirectional way and aimed only at obtaining “emotional resources.”

3. Authoritarian and demanding parenting: the weight of insecurity

Passivity can be the result of an education based on constant criticism and the shadow of authoritarianism. They have devalued them for so long that, in the end, they decided not to act to avoid any conflict. Letting yourself be done, allowing others to take responsibility for the relationship out of mere personal insecurity, is an explanation.

4. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

People with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often show passive behaviors in emotional relationships.. It is common for them to forget many things, to not finish what they start, to have a hard time showing the other their commitment to the relationship. Studies such as those carried out at the University of Ohio show the difficulties that those who live with this reality sometimes present.

5. Poor management of discrepancies and conflicts

It can surprise no one. There are those who, after a series of disagreements with their partner, opt for the classic: “if you don’t give me what I need, I will stop working on this relationship.” They are people with no communication skills, low resistance to frustration and reduced emotional intelligence..

6. Lack of interest in the relationship

If my partner has been very passive in our relationship for some time now, let’s consider another obvious reason. We may have reached a point where disinterest or the weight of routine suffocates the bond.. As we well know, not everyone is skilled at taking the step and assertively saying: “I feel like ours is not going well or I don’t feel the same way.”

These are situations in which, suddenly, we find ourselves holding on alone to a person who no longer has his eyes and heart on us.

If our partner is very passive, we must act and demand changes. Communication is key.

What to do in these circumstances?

If my partner is very passive, the last thing I should do is make that situation chronic. Sometimes, out of fear of loneliness or even a breakup, we choose to take all the responsibility. However, we must be clear: loving someone passive in love is already being alone. It is having a person present, but absent, someone who does not care, who does not support or commit.

What to do then? Passivity is actually a learned response to another problem that is being left aside.. And this is key. The first step will be communication, establishing an assertive and sincere dialogue to understand what is happening. We must know what motivates this behavior and our partner, for his part, has to take responsibility for the change.

A couple is a team, but also two people with their own problems. We all have latent wounds to heal and realities to address. If you don’t, these burdens will condition any emotional relationship. Love requires dynamism, reciprocity, being daily artisans of affection, care and attention.. If this is not present, a relationship withers in a short time.

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