“My family does not love me” 18 signs and what to do

We all know that family life can be difficult at times, but if you’ve come to think “my family doesn’t love me” it could be a red flag.

Does the way your family behaves towards you make you wonder if they really care about you?

Feeling like your family ignores you, doesn’t respect you, or doesn’t love you is incredibly painful. You may even feel like the black sheep of the family. No matter what you do, you are never good enough.

You may think that you have been raised by narcissists, who are not interested in you, or your life at all. But not all is lost. There are steps you can take right now to improve your family ties so you no longer feel like a victim for how they behave towards you.

In this article, we’ll first take a look at 18 telltale signs that your family doesn’t care about you. Then we will see 6 steps to deal with it.

18 signs of a toxic family environment

1) They ignore your limits

Boundaries are what help healthy relationships work.

While it’s good to feel close to your family member, drawing boundaries about what’s acceptable and what’s not for you is also very important.

Limits can include practical knowledge about things like how often you will be in contact with or visit them.

They can also be emotional. For example, what you decide to share with a family member or certain topics that are better not discussed.

If your family completely ignores any boundaries you’ve set, it can seem like a clear sign of disrespect for you.

2) They are negligent or abusive

This can come in different forms.

If a family member physically abuses you, this is clearly unacceptable and not something you should deal with alone.

While you should always seek help and never tolerate physical abuse, it’s also important to acknowledge verbal or emotional abuse.

Constant yelling, manipulation, threats, and bullying are also signs of abuse. This can make you feel like your family member doesn’t care about you.

3) They always put themselves first and don’t seem to care what happens in your life

Do you notice that every conversation they have is always about them?

Perhaps every time you meet them they talk for hours about their problems or dramas, but they take little interest in what you may be going through.

Selfish family members have a habit of making everything about them, without asking how you are.

4) They lock you out

One of the things that may be making you feel isolated from your family is that they seem to leave you out.

This can especially happen when other family members enjoy a closer bond with each other.

Perhaps for a long time you have felt that your dad and your sister are very close and he has always preferred her.

It may even be that you are the last to know important information or that you are never invited to family gatherings. This makes it difficult to feel close to someone.

You feel like you are outside watching from a window what your family is doing inside.

5) They are always canceling plans or disappointing you

Many times we end up tolerating behaviors from our families that we would not accept from a friend or someone we dated.

Constantly letting yourself down at the last minute or making plans with your family, only to have them back out, can hurt.

It is true that from time to time unforeseen events can arise. But if your family generally puts you last, it’s a sure sign that you’re not a priority to them. The reality is that normally the family is the priority.

6) They don’t make time for you

It is true that life today is very busy, but it is important to make time for the people we love.

In your case, you may perceive that certain members of your family are always too busy to call you, register or meet with you.

If they always have an excuse ready, whether it’s about work, other people, or chores they need to get done, you may wonder why they don’t miss you as much as you miss them.

Even when others don’t take time for you, you can feel worthless.

7) They are never present for important celebrations

The significant moments in our lives are understandably important to us.

You probably remember the Christmases when your parents were absent, the uncles “couldn’t make it” to the wedding, or the brothers who forgot to call you on your birthday.

Not every day is the same, and when your family members don’t put in a lot of effort on the most important days of your life, it hurts.

8) They only contact you when they want something

You missed a call from cousin Paula… This can only mean one thing: she probably wants something from you.

You are the first person they call, when they need to pick something up from the store, need to pack for a big move, or are a little short on money to make ends meet and could use a loan from you. But the rest of the time, you don’t know anything about them.

It is normal to feel used, when this happens.

9) They compete with you

We’ve all heard of sibling rivalry, but this goes way beyond “last one in the car is a rotten egg.”

There is nothing wrong with a small dose of healthy competition: it encourages us to do our best and drives us forward.

But, at the same time, our families should ideally be our biggest cheerleaders.

If your loved ones are always trying to win you over, surpass your personal achievements to appear superior, or in some way try to hinder you in what you want to achieve, it is a red flag of toxic behavior.

10) No matter what you achieve, you are never recognized

Is receiving a “well done”, “good job” or “congratulations on your achievement” from your family almost impossible?

There is simply no way to please these people. No matter what you do, your hard work will go unnoticed.

While you shouldn’t need constant praise from loved ones to feel good about yourself, it’s understandable that we all want to feel like our families are proud of us. Especially at times when we have done particularly well.

11) They are always criticizing you

Not receiving praise is one thing, but being constantly criticized is even worse.

Constructive feedback in life can be useful in certain situations. But excessive criticism is not.

An example might be that they compare you to other people and ask “why can’t you be more like them?” or make nasty comments about what you’re wearing whenever they see you.

12) They Constantly Overreact

Being in a relationship with someone that gets out of hand is exhausting.

You may be afraid to tell certain family members about how they will react.

You always feel like you have to hide what’s going on to keep the peace the moment you meet them.

Living under the potential threat of a backlash builds tension and makes communication difficult.

13) They are controlling and force you to do things you don’t want

Instead of respecting your life choices and supporting you, you feel like your family is always trying to manipulate you into doing what they want.

Sometimes when parents or other family members think they know what’s best for you, they may end up trying to force your will into doing their own thing, rather than letting you live your own life.

When this happens, you can feel manipulated or pushed into doing things you don’t really want to do, and, at the same time, feel selfish, if you say no to their demands.

14) They try to make you feel guilty, when you put your needs before theirs

Guilt is a powerful emotion…

Of course, you love your mom. But that doesn’t mean you can drop everything and run, every time she asks you to.

If someone is trying to make you feel responsible for themselves, either practically or emotionally, it is a sign that they are trying to manipulate you.

15) You don’t feel loved

All families have their ups and downs. We can’t always get along with everyone.

But regardless of what happens within your family, you should always feel that, deep down, they love you.

Everyone has different languages ​​for love. Some feel comfortable speaking words of endearment. Others prefer to show how they feel by giving away their time, attention, and even gifts.

Whatever love language they may use, if your family cannot show or tell you that they love you, it is a significant sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

16) They don’t care what you think

Do they yell at you every time you expose your thoughts on a topic?

Do your ideas or suggestions always seem to fall on deaf ears?

If your opinions are routinely dismissed, this could be an indication that your family members do not respect or value what you have to say.

17) They tell you that you are crazy and that you are imagining things

They are cunning mind games…

You are being manipulated and coerced through the feeling that it is all in your head.

In this type of situation, your family suggests that you are just being overly sensitive, imagining everything, or always blaming it on you. But the truth is not that.

18) They do not share with you

As cheesy as it sounds, sharing really is caring for each other.

It can be shared in many ways and it certainly doesn’t always have to be in a materialistic way.

Of course, it could be sharing the things we have in life, whether it’s a meal we’ve prepared or lending something we own.

But sharing our feelings and thoughts is also how we bond.

What we choose to share with the people in our lives shows how close we feel to them.

What to do when you don’t feel good with your family?

1) Refuse to be the victim

The good thing about power struggles is that it always takes more than one person to create them.

We often feel at the mercy of others. We think that how we feel is an inevitable consequence of what the other person says to us or does to us.

But actually, we give them that power. It is your own mind that creates the suffering you experience.

In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, Viktor Frankl shares his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II.

Even in the most dire conditions, with little control over her own life, she concluded that she always had the freedom to choose the meaning she gave to the events that happened to her.

As soon as you stop seeing yourself as a victim, you can regain control of your own emotions.

2) Leaving the past behind to break patterns

Old habits are hard to break, and many of the destructive patterns that continue in our families have been around for years, perhaps in some cases decades.

The way you meet the members of your…