My boyfriend prioritizes his son. How to deal with it?

Imagine that you meet an attractive man.

Then you chat some more and find out that he has a lot of what you’re hoping for in a partner.

Naturally, you start thinking about going out with him, getting to know each other a little more.

As the conversation progresses, you realize that she has a son…something you didn’t expect your future boyfriend to have.

Regardless of how you react, you’re still not sure how you feel about the situation.

You still haven’t processed what it would mean to date a man with children.

You find yourself thinking: it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Time passes and despite the uncertainty, you have already fallen in love with him and you are sweeping your doubts under the rug.

A little later you find yourself too involved and probably in a relationship with him.

So you realize that he is putting his children before you.

It will be difficult, but overcoming a situation like this is not impossible. Of course, with some commitment from everyone.

You don’t have to leave the relationship just because you feel like an outsider, who hasn’t joined their family.

In this article, we will tell you how to deal with your partner prioritizing their child.

What to expect if you are dating a man with children

1) You will spend a lot of time taking care of your children

You must accept this. One of his main responsibilities is being a dad.

His children depend on him, physically, emotionally and financially.

You might think that it won’t be a problem.

Especially if they live in a neighborhood or in a remote city. You think you can adjust to being a little unattended, from time to time.

The point is that this situation is not something you have to deal with only at the beginning of the relationship, it will always be like that.

If you plan to take things into a more serious commitment, that means they will be constantly present in your life as well.

2) Many things in your relationship will be out of your control

He may be your boyfriend, but before that he is a dad.

Spontaneous getaways won’t be an option, because you’ll have to take the kids to school.

Even the plans they make can be cancelled. One of the children got food poisoning and someone has to stay home to take care of them.

These things are uncontrollable and can be a hindrance if you enjoy a more impromptu lifestyle.

If you are one of the people who likes to go with the flow, you must understand that this can no longer be the case.

3) You will probably look for a more serious plan

Men with children are (hopefully) more mature than men without.

He will only introduce you to his son if he thinks they might have something serious.

But, remember that she is also probably looking for a possible second mother for her children.

Think, if you are ready for such a commitment.

4) Children may not open up to you at first

More than just a stranger coming into their lives, they will also see you as a person who is trying to replace their mother.

Given the background of stepmoms in children’s movies, they may not be too happy with the idea.

He thinks that they feel the need to be loyal to their mom.

5) Mom will always be on the scene

As long as the kids are there, so is she.

They will bring her up often and you may have to interact with her in the future if you are serious about the relationship.

If you have jealous or insecure tendencies, this will be your litmus test.

So far the tip of the iceberg of what you can expect when dating a man with children. Like any bond, the one you build will be unique and you will have your own experience.

Now it’s time to know how you can deal with the situation as his girlfriend.

1) Never make him choose between you and his son.

Your child will naturally be your priority. When it comes to his well-being, his needs come first.

You have to understand that it is normal for parents to have to put their child before anyone else.

Even when they are in a romantic relationship with someone new. And no matter how much in love I may be with you.

It is you who enters an already existing family. There will definitely have to be some compromise on your part for the relationship to work.

By “relationship,” you should also understand that it’s not just about your boyfriend.

When dating a man with children, you’ll need to engage with his entire family.

That means you will have to build a bond with the child as well.

Also, you must be clear that you should not try to compete with the child. You are an independent adult and he is a child, dependent on his father.

You two are not in the same category.

You are not supposed to compete with the child for his attention. His relationship with you is completely separate from his relationship with his son.

2) There has to be a healthy balance

Your boyfriend will have to balance both relationships, because he chose to date you.

This means that you made the decision, knowing that you would have to take responsibility for both.

What you should value is the wonderful space that you have in his life.

This space is for the people you trust and love enough to be a part of your life.

This means that he considers that he can share with you the love that he has for his children.

He also understands that you can be part of it all, in a balanced way.

To do this, they can set appointments that are not at home or choose to spend a weekend alone.

It is important for any child to understand that a romantic relationship also means setting aside exclusive time for the couple.

On the other hand, you must give him space to be with his children.

This does not mean that it is just leaving them together for a moment in the same room. It means that they go out together and even alone with dad.

You are willing to compromise on certain things to accommodate your single parent lifestyle.

But make it clear to them that this doesn’t mean you have to completely change your identity to accommodate their lives. There must be a balance between both parties.

If you feel like they are giving up social events to take care of their children, tell them that both are important.

He must understand that your needs are also very important. Enjoying the couple is one of them.

3) Try to see things from their perspective

You will have to be patient and considerate with your boyfriend. While he chose to date someone while having kids, you did too.

Avoid arguing if you feel that he is not paying attention to you on dates.

See if he has problems with his children or with his ex-wife. You will see how he will really appreciate it.

It’s always good to see both sides of an argument.

Remember that if things get stressful for you, they are too.

He is putting all his effort to balance the relationship with you and his children.

4) Find a way to support him in his dad routine

If you want to help him, because you love him, you can start by discovering how to accompany him with the duties of a father.

In this way, you will integrate into their lives in a constructive way.

For example, you have planned an appointment on a certain day and it turns out that you unexpectedly have to pick up your children from school.

Then, you can suggest that they come with them to their date, to spend time together.

You can also make an appointment with him, just going to the supermarket to do the shopping. The important thing is to share a moment.

Show him that he doesn’t need to give up time with his kids for you and vice versa.

It’s about finding the balance between spending time on your relationship and keeping the kids in mind.

Remember that, like in any relationship, you are there to support each other.

5) Ease the transition for everyone

Suppose you are going to have dinner with your boy and his son.

The best thing you can do is get there on your own. Meet the two of them together, instead of going as a couple and making the child feel like an intruder.

It encourages the idea that he and his son are still a team and you don’t want to interfere with this dynamic.

You also want to make sure she doesn’t introduce you as “a friend” first and then reveal that you’re dating her father.

This will make the child feel as if they have been lied to.

Also, it can bring you trouble trusting any of you from then on.

6) Have an honest conversation with the child, when you meet him

Children are very intuitive. He will appreciate an open and honest talk with you about any concerns he has.

For your part, it is convenient to clarify some things from the beginning. Tell him you don’t plan to hurt his father. They may see you as a threat to his feelings.

You can also clarify that he is not there to replace his mom.

Also, it is good that you do not rush or force the relationship with them.

With children, they have to be the ones who take the initiative. Especially if you’re her dad’s girlfriend, who’s looking to join her family.

Talk to them like adults.

Don’t patronize. Talk to them as if they were older and you will see how the relationship with them will go very well.

Otherwise, you can make them feel out of place in an adult world. Don’t contribute to that and treat them with the maturity they aspire to.

7) Spend time with the little one, without your partner

Choose to spend time with your boyfriend’s son.

This shows commitment and that you are interested in him, outside of the “son of your boyfriend” dynamic.

When you’re with him, do things you enjoy. Maybe you can do one of his favorite hobbies together or you can take him somewhere he wants to go.

Make this time with him meaningful, like you are trying to develop a friendship.

What if you don’t like his son?

It is important that you keep an open mind.

It is possible that your child is simply misbehaving, due to circumstances.

Is he upset that he has to share his father with you?

He thinks that once things settle down, it might improve the situation after all.

It’s another thing to try to find common ground to bond with. Maybe you haven’t gotten to know each other well enough, and maybe you’ll find something the child might like you for.

Think of it like when you try to meet a friend, you thought it was weird at first, but now you hit it off.

The importance of communication in the couple

Communication is one of the fundamental pillars of a relationship. If you feel that your partner prioritizes your child before you, it is best to tell them.

In this way they can see how to balance all areas of their lives, so that everyone is happy.

If you don’t speak up and are left with the feeling of being ostracized by your boyfriend’s son, it could end up translating into jealousy, insecurity, and resentment in you.

A healthy relationship means having no problem being independent of each other, but still maintaining a deep connection. This is achieved, to a large extent, through communication.

If your mutual bond is strong, living with your children will be easier.

There is no other person that he has to constantly take care of. You are there to support him as his is the same as him.

Do not neglect or sacrifice the…