Loss of control with anger: what is hidden behind it?

And you, do you have problems controlling your anger when you get angry? Do you tend to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and then regret it? Do you lose your nerve? Why is this happening? What is behind that anger that we find so difficult to manage?

In this article We will investigate the possible causes behind this loss of control. We tell you that all this has to do, to a large extent, with poor self-control and a low tolerance for frustration. However, they are not the only causes; Beneath all of this there is also, many times, a layer of sadness that we do not know how to face, as well as other possible feelings and emotions.

Before getting to those causes, we will give you some tricks to learn how to manage that anger in a healthy way. And self-control is a skill that can be trained! Find out how.

When I get angry, I can’t control myself: what’s wrong with me?

It happens frequently to many people, or has happened to them at some time… Getting angry and losing control, not being able to control yourself. Feeling that anger overcomes us. But why does it happen? What exactly is going wrong? What is behind uncontained anger?

To understand it we must resort to the concept of “self-control”. Later, we will also see other factors that facilitate the loss of self-control. Circumstances that increase the likelihood that we will become impulsive.

The importance of self-control

Self-control is defined as an ability to control one’s emotions, behaviors, thoughts, and desires. Also includes the ability to control and manage our own body.

In a way, self-control is part of emotional intelligence, and that is why it is so important to work on it with children from a very young age. Thanks to self-control, you can learn to manage anger and other basic emotions.

As we see, it is an ability to manage and control not only how we behave, but how we think and how we react to emotions. Many times, emotions overcome us, but that does not mean we should allow ourselves to lose control of the situation. Self-control, like many other skills, can also be trained, that is, it can be improved with time, perseverance and effort.

How to work on self-control?

In this way, self-control will allow us to manage those moments of rage or anger in which we start shouting or maintaining behaviors that we really do not want to have. But how to work it? We leave you some key ideas for this:

First of all, Identify precisely what you want to control. Is to go to? Is it rage? Is it frustration? Investigate the causes of that anger, that anger. Is it really anger or is it masking other emotions? (For example, sadness). Look for the point of “no return”; It is about that moment in which we know that we will no longer return to calm, in which we will lose control and “explode.” Identify it and look for a word or gesture to emit, to stop it in time. Practice breathing; Just when you identify that point of no return, and before reaching it, practice some breathing exercises. Close your eyes, put your hand on your belly and feel how the air enters and leaves your body.Look for alternative behaviors to anger to prevent anger from dominating you; They can be the previous breathing exercises or other behaviors/actions: playing music, a relaxing bath, painting or drawing, writing, changing the environment…

I get angry and lose control: what’s wrong with me?

We have seen some ideas to work on self-control and start dealing with anger in a healthy way; However, just like applying these techniques, it will also be essential to understand what is happening to us. Why do we act like this when we get angry? At this point, you may have sensed one of those possible causes… Indeed, having poor self-control is the main cause that leads us to act like this, losing our roles and control of the situation, when we are consumed by rage.

On the other hand, a low tolerance for frustration could also be behind these behaviors that we like to broadcast. Being impulsive and temperamental people could also contribute to these types of situations.

The good news is that all of these circumstances can be worked on in therapy. Investigating more deeply into the causes of this “loss of control” when we get angry will allow us, in addition to knowing ourselves, to seek strategies to enhance our self-control and, by extension, improve our well-being.

Behind the anger: the wound

Many times, behind an attack of anger or anger, there is actually hidden a large wound that has been discovered, or that someone has touched almost accidentally. And rage, anger, anger, are emotions that often cover up others, such as sadness or disappointment. By not knowing how to face or manage that sadness (or by being unable to accept it), we turn to something more visceral, something that makes us move away, momentarily, from that uncomfortable feeling: anger.

And what happens when anger is not managed well either? That we exploit. So, if you frequently lose control – for example, you say phrases that you soon regret – we encourage you to ask for help.

Understanding emotions, their reason for being, will allow us to know ourselves and improve every day as imperfect people that we are; And imperfection makes us human! Let’s learn to live with it, let’s learn from it to improve… let’s not keep it away from us.

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