Live loneliness without sadness

There are three characteristics that define loneliness: it is a subjective experience because it can be felt even when you are in a group; It is the result of one or more poor social relationships and is unpleasant and produces anguish or depression. With few exceptions, experiencing loneliness is something that is not desired, nor does sadness.

It is not the same as social isolation, since the person does not want it that way, but rather they do not feel comfortable with the friends or colleagues they have because they consider them to be too superficial, empty or untrustworthy. So, experiencing loneliness has to do with the emotional and the social at the same time. But also, experts say, with the inability that people have to express their opinions or feelings.

If relationship skills are poor, then there is a greater chance of being left alone.of living loneliness, because relationships are less empathetic and enthusiastic. Those who suffer from neurosis do not turn out to be very kind or precious, rejecting all types of potential friends to protect themselves from possible rejection.

Living loneliness, voluntary or unwanted?

The most common definition of loneliness says that it is a lack of company and is linked to states of lack of love, sadness and negativity. But, however, it does not take into account the benefits of living in occasional and desired solitude. The typical “I need to be alone” is used to think, realize certain things, rest, clear the mind, etc..

The opposite happens when, for example, we lose a loved one. It disappears from our lives and in its place there is a great void that cannot be filled so easily. Sadness, hopelessness and other similar feelings do not take long to appear. We see ourselves as lost, without points of reference to continue. It is unwanted loneliness, which brings a lot of pain and is one of the most complicated to deal with.

As social beings that we are, It is difficult to live alone, we need others to feel good. This does not mean that it is only about meeting our needs, but it also helps to increase the development of others, strengthen self-esteem, improve manners and empathy, etc.

fill a void

The loss of someone (and consequently loneliness) is irreplaceable, but not irreparable. That hole or gap remains there until we allow ourselves to fill it. As? With self-confidence we will have enough strength to establish new relationships.

This does not mean that the process will happen overnight, but sooner or later it will happen. We must ensure that the absence of that person does not become a “social” or “general” absence with everyone else.

We must internalize and control that deep and irrational feeling., learning not to be afraid of it and not to think that it is a weakness. On the contrary, it should be taken as the possibility of being our greatest strength.

What is social loneliness?

A person who suffers from social loneliness is one who hardly talks to anyone. or just with some members of your family. It is increasingly common in cities, where we don’t even know who lives next door. If we add to this that fewer and fewer people meet “face to face” and that messages are sent by email, mobile phone or social networks, the situation worsens.

Daily obligations, long work hours, stress and crisis are also friends of social loneliness that we suffer today. At the same time, relationships are not like before, where people could be trusted more, where the other was not worried about “saving themselves” regardless of the rest.

How to overcome unwanted loneliness

It is possible to bear loneliness calmly and without pain. These simple steps will help you let go of that sadness and pain that afflicts you when you have to live alone:

Diagnose the problem, the type of loneliness you are suffering and why it is due. It is necessary to be very objective at this point.Know yourself: Eliminate the fear that does not allow you to look inside yourself, face the need to be as you are, know your illusions, your limitations, your fears, etc.Goodbye to shyness: Take the initiative in your relationships or to get new ones. Establish what type of people you are interested in and develop a strategy to contact them.Remember there is nothing to lose and yes a lot to gain: The fear of being rejected is one of the biggest obstacles in this problem, whether to find a love or a friend.Don’t victimize yourself: The world may be full of bad, cruel, materialistic or superficial people, but surely there are thousands of other people with virtues.Don’t lock yourself in: If you suffer from social loneliness, but you continue at home without trying to overcome it, the situation will not change much.

But not everything is as bad as it seems

Living alone can be a desired option. Sometimes we insist on having someone by our side and we can run the risk of becoming dependent. Many people choose to live in solitude, which does not mean living isolated from society. They have friends, family, but they don’t want to be tied to anyone. They choose that freedom.

Choosing loneliness as a companion can represent a great challenge, since it can help us internalize and know ourselves much better. Coming home, sitting in silence and reviewing our day is an exercise that when we live alone we can do more calmly. Even so, when we live with more people, we should be able to have our moments of solitude.

You might be interested…