King Solomon’s paradox: advice I give that I have none for myself

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Are you one of those who always gives good advice to others but you don’t know how to act when you have the problem? This is a fairly common phenomenon because, after all, managing one’s own challenges is more complex, if only because we usually have more information to do so.

King Solomon’s paradox defines a behavior with which many of us can identify.. It occurs when one is especially good at giving advice. We have a great disposition, ingenuity and empathy to connect with others and always find the right and appropriate words. However, that same competence is of no use to ourselves.

In other words, This idea perfectly defines the classic saying of «I give advice that I don’t have for myself». Because let’s admit it, sometimes, it is always easier to attend to and act on other people’s perspectives than to take responsibility for your own. It is more relaxing, and even interesting, to reflect on the worlds of others than to take responsibility for personal actions.

If this is our biggest problem, If we have been the best friend of others and the worst enemy for ourselves for years, it is worth knowing that there is a solution. There is a valuable strategy to vary this curious (but common) paradox.

What is King Solomon’s paradox?

When we pronounce the name of King Solomon it is common to think of that classic figure of great wisdom. The story goes that people made long trips from distant cities just to ask him for advice. He gave them with great success, gaining fame and garnering admiration for his original and brilliant reasoning.

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Now, despite this distinction when it came to advising others, he himself ended up being known for an unvirtuous and even inadequate lifestyle. He made bad decisions and not once, but several times, he had an uncontrolled passion for money and women., and most importantly: he forgot to instruct his only son. Fact by which his own kingdom ended in disaster. All this nourishes the known King Solomon’s paradox.

When you apply greater wisdom to other people’s problems than to your own, why does it happen?

There are many people who are used to always being that friendly shoulder that everyone turns to. Either to seek support, or to receive advice. Their suggestions or recommendations act as a type of reasoning that makes it easier for others to be proactive and for others to face life’s common challenges on their own.

However, all that intellectual and logical brilliance that they apply to others is not only absent in themselves. Besides, People who make use of King Solomon’s paradox fall into the most obvious errorsin the least adjusted behaviors. For what is this? Why do I give valuable advice to others and I don’t have it for myself?

The key is psychological distancing. That is to say, if I do not get involved in the reality of that person who asks me for advice, I see things more clearly to know what strategy would be most appropriate. That mind that sees things in perspective, but detached from the internal universe, appreciate more options and more ways out of problems.It is like an external observer who intuits what others do not perceive.who becomes an ideal hunter of ideas as long as, yes, they have nothing to do with oneself.

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The curious cognitive bias of King Solomon’s paradox

All of us feel affection for our friends, family and all those close people who have ever sought our advice. Now, King Solomon’s paradox hides a cognitive bias and is as follows: People reason better if certain things have nothing to do with us.

It is easy to suggest to someone things like «What you have to do is dare, life is too short to be captive to fear; In the end you lose the best opportunities, change the chip ». As advice, it is effective, brilliant and even inspiring. However, if we ourselves find ourselves at a crossroads, it will be of no use to tell ourselves “Come on, be brave and dare.”

The mind does not act with such alacrity and resolution when adversity is nominative. When one is the one who navigates through difficulty, one’s thoughts are trapped in the web of fears, in the trap of insecurities and in the labyrinth of defense mechanisms. Hence, sometimes, we are short of advice for our own life.

How to make use of our reserves of wisdom for our own challenges and problems?

We often need it. It would be really helpful to have King Solomon’s wisdom for ourselves as well. Be our best, skillful advisors coach for the inner self, gurus of good advice, of the most infallible decision-making. How to achieve it?

Igor Grossman, from the University of Michigan, is a psychologist who is an expert in the study of wisdom and also in the King Solomon Paradox. In his research, he points out that Perhaps the famous last monarch of the united kingdom of Israel would have been better off if he had imagined himself traveling to seek advice from another wise king.. What does this mean?

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It implies that a strategy to find solutions to our daily challenges is imagine, for a moment, that our problem is not ours, but someone else’s. With this, we once again apply psychological distance, that valuable and effective resource that amplifies ideas, increases perspective and opens new options.

In addition, ask us questions in the third person like «Why does he or she feel this way? «What could you do to feel better?» acts as effective catalysts to seek solutions, to finally act, as our best allies in times of need. Let’s put it into practice.