It was your silence that gave me all the answers

Sometimes I wait for your response, your words… I have not learned that they do not arrive, or that perhaps you offer them to me in another way, as absences, as voids that you do not fill with letters and phrases. Your silence contains what I don’t want to hear, what I refuse to hear you say.

It is cowardly to let silence be the answer, but sometimes it is what we are left with. I still haven’t learned to expect anything from you, to have no expectations.to know that that emptiness you create is your answer, it is what you want to tell me.

I don’t learn to decipher your silence

I can’t interpret the silence you leave when you close a door and allow my thoughts to fly, to give meaning to those words you don’t say. I need you to give shape with your words to all that dense emptiness that you create every time you leave, every time you remain silent.

Your silence creates a distance between you and me, an abyss that is impossible to cross, an inexplicable separation that I do not deserve, that I do not understand, and that, however, I must accept. It is a path that is divided into a thousand possibilities, and I cannot know which one suits your thoughts.

What I know about silence

Your silences are not always the same, they change without us hardly realizing it. There are shy people, where you don’t dare to talk to me, but you look me in the eyes and your eyes speak to me.

There are ironies, when you fix your gaze on mine and smile without saying anything. There are people who are confused, when I ask you and you haven’t listened to me because you are far from here without wanting to. And above all, there are complicit silences, the kind that snatch your soul away with lips that do not pronounce words.

But this silence, which separates us at this moment, contains other things, what we have not dared to tell each other and has created a deep space between what we have and what we want. And although I no longer expect anything, I have the doubt if I managed to understand all your silence.

My response to your silence

I can look for a thousand answers to your silence but I can only answer you in one way: tell me what you think, what worries you, I am at your side to help you, to understand you. If you need a hug I will give it to you, if you need a kiss I will give hundreds of them, and if you just want me to listen to you I will do it, I only ask you to pronounce what you want to say.

I can respond to you in many ways, but I do not wish to create even more space between you and me. I can continue trying to give words to that silence of yours. Or I can ignore it and continue talking to you without receiving a response. I respect your silence, and I need you to respect my uncertainty, my need to know, to know your thoughts.

The answers that your silence gives me

If you leave without saying anything, your silence whispers to me that you no longer want. If you don’t answer my messages, he tells me that you don’t care how I feel or what I think. If I ask you about your thoughts and you don’t answer, your silence tells me that there is something you want to hide from me.

It may be that the answers you want to give are not those but rather other ones, but I can’t know them if you don’t help me understand what you don’t say.

I almost don’t remember the echo of your words, I no longer hear them, you move in front of me like a ghost, like someone I don’t recognize and it is your silence that suggests to me what you are not able to say with words.

And if you close the door behind you again, without saying a word, close it forever, don’t come back, because it will be at that moment when I will understand that you just wanted to say goodbye to me.

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