If yesterday was today I would do it differently

I remember it like it was yesterday, but it has more to do with wanting it to be tomorrow. I confuse the verb tenses because, deep down, I really wanted time to go back – not to live it all over again, but to do it all differently.

If today was tomorrow, I would dance to the music. I would not try to speed up our paces and our steps towards the future. I would dance two this way, two this way in the dark without thinking about walking hand in hand in the square. I would have shared the ice cream without the expectation of sharing a house, a dog, and kids. Declared less, felt more. Even though it’s hard to think about giving more of me, since when you slammed the door, there was nothing left. I would have given you my present tense, not my expectation for the future.

I wouldn’t have prepared myself so much to be someone you’d like to be and worried less about looking cultured, funny, sexy-without-being-vulgar. It would have been more me and less who you were looking for, because only later did I find out that your search was for you.

I would say more “I don’t know” and less “me too”. Because it is in the differences that the world of the other is discovered and in the similarities where the most fragile dangers are. I would have read your entire favorite works, not just searched for a summary on the internet to say that I knew this or that character and impress you.

I wouldn’t have looked up your name on Google, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and even the Federal Revenue website. She would have left her likes (even dubious ones) and grimaces to discover in real life. Maybe, with that, I hadn’t felt like a madwoman meeting someone I already knew so well.

I would let you know my sadness, since it is what I like and where I always find myself. It’s the part of me that embarrasses me the most and makes me stronger, even if it makes me look fragile. I wanted you to see me strong.

Of all the doubts about what I would do differently, I have only one certainty: I would be the one who would walk out the door never to return. Because you say you would do everything the same. And I, today, recognize from afar those who live to play with the feelings of others.

Source: eoh.com.br