I slept in a separate room with my wife for a year and I will tell you what has changed in my marriage

Many people understand how important the inviolability of personal space is. Everyone needs to be able to be alone from time to time. But a married person who, due to work, spends most of the day at home, often has difficulty in reconciling the time dedicated to himself, with the time needed to maintain a harmonious relationship with his partner.

With the permission of the author Pavel, the awesome.club publishes the results of his experiment: he and his wife decided to sleep in separate rooms.

A year ago, my wife and I decided to sleep in separate rooms so we wouldn’t get tired of each other and our activities, which are sometimes quite different. For example, my wife likes to listen to music, loud and without the headphones, but I prefer to read a book in silence, or watch a TV program with the headphones. Also, I work from home and teach private lessons, and sometimes I bother my wife with tense conversations.

Therefore, we decided to sleep “separately”. We initially rented a two-bedroom property, then bought and renovated our own three-bedroom apartment.

What a happiness to be able to sit in my room, take care of my things, or rest without anyone coming in without knocking at any time.

You may ask, “What keeps you so busy that you have to knock on the door before it opens?”

Nothing special. As a child, even though I had my own room, the door always had to be open and my parents could come in anytime to see what i was doing: playing, reading, sleeping or watching a movie. I always needed to make excuses and explain my activities. Of course my parents didn’t act out of malice, they were used to it. But still, I felt uncomfortable.

Now, when my wife knocks on my bedroom door, if I don’t want to communicate or interrupt my studies, I can tell her without worrying, “I’m busy.” And does she know what? She doesn’t insist and doesn’t ask, “What are you doing?”, she just walks away. It was a great solution.

Going to my room and doing what I want, at the time that suits me best, without needing to justify something to my wife, is a feeling of indescribable pleasure and comfort. Even if it’s just to sleep undisturbed.

Another positive point is that having a room of my own, I can organize everything as I see fit, without anyone’s interferenceand leave the shelves, cabinets, table and other things the way I understand what organization is.

Generally, the most important thing is the feeling that mine and the other’s exist, and that there is a clear boundary between the two. I started to respect my wife’s space more and give greater value to the moments we enjoy together. Not insisting, but asking, made the phrase “Ok, you can come in” give me a more pleasant and interesting feeling than the freedom I experienced, with my wife coming in at any moment.

Of course, people who own 10-bedroom, three-bathroom mansions will laugh and say, “Nothing new, we’ve been doing this for a long time.” But it is not the case for everyone.

I know that most people have lived for years in one, two or three-room apartments: a bedroom for the kids, a living room and a bedroom for the couple, and that they spend together 24/7! But this is absurd! Living together becomes easier if husband and wife have their own space, even if they live in a standard apartment🇧🇷 It improves everyday life and of course everything else.

And how would you react to your partner’s proposal to sleep in separate rooms?