I live in France and I’ll tell you why parents live happily here and don’t suffer from raising children

All mothers want their little ones to go to bed alone, that they don’t throw tantrums in public or at friends’ houses, and that they don’t scream when they talk on the phone. And they still hope to find time to dedicate themselves and enjoy dinner with their husband. Well, that’s possible. A Russian woman moved to France, where she married and had two children. As a result, she discovered many interesting things about the French education system.

We, from awesome.club, we are like sponges and try to absorb as much information as possible on Anna’s page. There, she shares fun facts and facts about local parenting methods, which have helped her with many of the difficult tasks of everyday life. So follow along!

In the first few months after I got married, we hosted the daughters from my husband’s first marriage, and I played checkers with the oldest girl, who was seven at the time. I decided to let her win so as not to risk upsetting her. To my surprise, soon after my husband decided to play with the little and acted like he was playing against an adult. Won, of course.

And when I mentioned that he might have “let her win,” he replied, “Why? She needs to learn to lose and deal with emotions.” Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that. My upbringing was very different. Today I can see both sides of the coin and I have some conclusions about it.

They take a short break and do not run to the baby as soon as he wakes up. They let him spend time in the crib to observe the environment around him. Thus, the little one will have more time to get used to the bed and the room. In the future, this practice will be useful to help the child sleep on his own, both day and night.

When the adults are talking, and the little one calls his mother or father, the French don’t tend to interrupt the conversation right away🇧🇷 First, they signal that they are busy and that the child must wait for them to finish.

When the son calls the mother to ask for something, while she is busy, he usually receives the answer: “I’ll finish what I’m doing and in a few minutes I will come and help you”. The little one generally accepts the situation and waits.

Don’t get up running from the table while you’re working just because the child asked you to look at the mountain of dominoes he made. Just gently explain what you are doing and ask to wait. At first it will wait just a few seconds and later on it will wait for minutes. You will then learn to entertain yourself while waiting and deal with disappointment🇧🇷 This skill will be of vital importance for future life — only then will the little one be able to mature and understand that he is not the center of the Universe.

It may seem simple, but in practice it is much more difficult. Today I’ve gotten used to it and I answer automatically: “Yes, my dear, Mom will finish this quickly and then I’ll get the book for you”. His reaction is still the same, but the training continues, always with kindness and good humor.

This does not apply to situations where the child really needs help – falling to the ground and hurting himself or the like. However, if she has had a scare, but has not been physically hurt and starts crying because of the situation, parents do not usually encourage this behavior🇧🇷 By doing this, we’re just validating her vulnerability and giving importance to something that didn’t happen. Consequences:

You’ll cry almost whenever you bump into something or fall somewhere, even if you don’t feel pain, just because of the scare. But we must not make the situation worse. Will fall or pretend to be in pain to get attention. If this child’s plans, in adulthood, go wrong at some point, it will make him very upset and he will miss being comforted by someone.

The best way out is don’t pay much attention, smile and give the least comfort. I am not a tyrannical mother. I love my children very much and I want them to be resilient emotionally first and then physically.

When we visit a friend of my husband’s, we often discuss the topic of education, comparing how it used to be and how it is today. Well, in this boy’s family, for example, the rules were much stricter🇧🇷

Parents were called by the formal pronoun “vous” in French, which would be the equivalent of saying “sir” or “madam”. During meals, when the children sat at the table with their parents, they were not allowed to talk. Although, often, after a certain age, when they could already eat independently, they were put on another separate table. After finishing the meal, they should ask permission to leave the table to continue with their daily tasks. Children could only play with their toys in their own room or in the playroom, which was created for the same purpose. But there was no way toys could be thrown around the house.

Nowadays, stories like that can sound strange and absurd. Young people have more and more freedom to do what they want. Times change, as do norms. I seek to find the ideal middle ground.

We are constantly in a state of anxiety. Woke up and cried, so it means you’re hungry or scared, sick, want affection or play. What do French women generally do in such situations? Nothing, they live their happy lives. They accept the naturalness and logic of things and do not stop taking care of themselves, of their own relationships. Basically, they don’t forget that there is a life beyond babies. They understand well: there is no perfect motherso they resort to a sense of humor to resolve some difficult situations.

At the same time, there is no permissiveness, and education takes place naturally, without special methods or books — just from family to family. The main secrets of mothers to keep calm: personal organization, self-realization and the ability to correctly set priorities.

Children and adults eat together. From the age of two (approximately), they already start to have the same food as their parents.

When children are still small, they don’t choose what to eat: the mother sets the menu.

Mothers are not “chasing” children to feed them.

It is also not common to see them cooking with the baby in their arms, for example.

Afternoon nap is always at the same time.

There is no “childish” language.

There is no “okay/could it be?” at the end of each sentence. Mothers do not ask their children for permission.

The children play in their rooms (not all day, of course), while the parents go about their daily chores.

Also, they need their own space, just like adults. Naturally, this does not exclude joint activities and games.

Little ones quickly get used to independence. For example, setting the table, using cutlery correctly, helping mom with the housework. When they participate in adult life, they gain more self-confidence.

Night is usually reserved for adults: children go to bed early and at the same time. Thus, parents can enjoy each other’s company more calmly.

It is quite rare to find children under the age of four in restaurants. What happens is that, for the French, in general, eating is not an act purely to satisfy hunger. When a middle-class Frenchman goes to a restaurant, he intends to enjoy the atmosphere and relax🇧🇷 That is, no crying or screaming. Therefore, to avoid problems and possible inconvenience to other customers, residents here choose the following options to do with their children:

Eat at home. Buffet-style restaurant, where you usually choose what you want to eat and serve yourself. “McDonalds”. Or just some small coffee shop.

If parents and children go out for a walk, they will want to make the most of it. I was shocked that I couldn’t find a cafe here where there is a children’s play area. When I asked my husband about this, he looked at me in bewilderment and replied that I wouldn’t have the courage to leave my son with a stranger in a public place🇧🇷 It seems to me that the French are so conservative that new things are starting to be implemented here very slowly.

The most important rule: the child must ask permission before starting to eat and, by no means, can you simply pick up food from the table. Both at home and on a visit.

It often happens that a child takes a cookie from a common bowl, then rethinks it and puts it back. This is not well regarded. What is touched with the hand must be eaten or left on the plate itself.

The little ones too need to ask permission to leave the table and go play. First, you help them clean their hands to make sure they don’t make a mess of other people’s houses. Second, educated young people act that way, which is what we’re all looking for.

Watch so your kids don’t make too much noise🇧🇷 “But they are children, it cannot be otherwise”, many would say. Well, it really is sometimes impossible to control the noise level, especially when they are still small. Your task, however, is to make them understand that they are not alone in the environment and that they can end up disturbing someone. Thus, we can teach them to respect the space of others.

There is also another little secret by which it is possible to teach them to behave at the table. The main example is always the parents🇧🇷 But even more important are meals together: the family eating together at the same time. It’s in those minutes we spend together that younger children can learn how to behave. And the sooner they start, the better.

We decided to take a family outing and went into a butcher shop. We started talking with the seller about life and children. We said that we were never bored with our children and that there was always something to do. The butcher replied: “Well, after they grow up, then you tell me”. I said, “Oh yes. Today really is the happiest moment we are going through and I know I will miss it from here…