I don’t want to be your lover

Being the lover of someone with a partner is a practice that many people reject. Discover the reasons here.

As the psychologist Walter Riso says in his book Manual to not die of love: Marrying your lover is like adding salt to your dessert. The rollercoaster of emotions that having a lover triggers includes sexual satisfaction, tenderness, joy, fear, disappointment and excitement, love and heartbreak, laughter, tears and many more oscillations. The lovers are shaken by a storm of feelings that traps and hooks without remedy. and from which it is difficult to escape.

Riso maintains that the SPA effect of having a lover (relationship, massages, caresses, orgasms, nice words, stress reduction, blocking worries for a few hours) creates a very deep addiction. But they are situations that we idealize and on which it is essential to reflect to have an adequate perspective.

“A dignified solitude without conflict is preferable to an incomplete relationship in which lack rules.”

-Walter Riso-

In relationships with a lover There is usually a moment when we want to make our lover our “official” partner, but it is necessary to ask ourselves several questions.: Are you willing to face the opinion of others? Do you think that love is enough to have a life as a couple? Will the passion last?

The reasons not to be the lover

When we start a relationship with a married person or partner, whether man or woman, everything is usually very beautiful and passionate. But, Let us not forget that no one will value or love us if we do not love and value ourselves. In this sense, it is essential to make a deep reflection at the right time to have a clear perspective. I am clear about why I am not going to be your lover or anyone else’s and these are my reasons:

Because you have used with me the arguments of an unfaithful person. “My partner doesn’t make me happy, but I can’t leave him for my children, I haven’t had sexual relations with my partner in a while, I feel trapped in the relationship, with you I feel much better and you make me feel very good.” These are the same arguments that any person who is unfaithful to their partner uses to justify themselves and deceive that partner and their lover.

“Hope in love is sometimes the first thing to lose.”

-Walter Riso-

Some more reasons

But not only because of your arguments, I don’t want to be your lover for other reasons either:

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Because if you do it with your partner, you will do it with me too.. You can use all those arguments you use to convince me to be your lover one or more times with other people if I am your “official” partner, so I don’t believe you and there is nothing that will make me stop thinking that you can repeat the same thing. situation with another person.Because I don’t want to fill voids. It is not my task in this life to fill the voids that exist in your life or in anyone else’s, because I believe that first you will have to find out what the cause of your emptiness is in order to stop feeling it and not look outside of yourself for the reasons. to fill that space.Because I value sincerity and honesty. Above all things in relationships of any kind with other people, I value sincerity and honesty as fundamental principles. It’s about telling the truth, not lying and manipulating to get what you want, while also being honest with ourselves. I don’t want false promises and lies in my life.Because I don’t want to waste my time or my energy. in something that has no future. I don’t want to be hearing the same speech over and over again, in which you promise a future together. I do not want to waste my energy in a relationship that is not secure, that has no basis or commitment. I don’t want to give too much and receive little.Because I want to feel fullness and tranquility. I’m not looking to feel guilty or tormented by the fact that I’m doing the wrong things. I refuse to be complicit in betrayal. I don’t want to hear an internal voice telling me all the time that there is something I’m not doing right and that I’m hurting other people.Because I want a free relationship, where I can express my love whenever I please. I reject the idea of being in a relationship secretly and afraid of being discovered.Because I am a valuable person and I deserve much more than crumbs. I know that I deserve someone complete, without a heart divided in two, who is there whenever I need him and who does not hide from me for fear that what is between us will be discovered. I want someone who knows how much I’m worth and shows it to me.

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The two most important reasons

Because I have feelings. I could fall in love with you, I could love you because as a person I have feelings and sensitivity towards life and other people. But I think you have to ask yourself what you would do if it were the other way around, if the lover were you.

How would you feel? Besides, I don’t want to hurt someone else and children, just as I wouldn’t want it done to me. And, above all things, I don’t want to be your lover because I love and value myself. I am a valuable person and I am not going to allow you to take away my value, compare me with another person or lie to me.

I don’t want to be your lover because I’m not afraid of being touched by loneliness, but of feeling alone being with someone. I’m not going to hide from anything or anyone, because I love myself enough to know that you don’t deserve it.