How to relieve the pain of disappointment?

We have all trusted someone at some point. that has ended up hurting us. After this episode, we have surely said that we would never “fall into the same game again” and we will be filled with distrust. Learning how to ease the pain of disappointment can help us.

Whatever the case, it is normal that deep disappointment also leaves us a deep wound that it will take time to heal. A damage that often has to do with trust, one of the most difficult things to restore.

After going through a disappointment we will be forced to deal with a series of negative feelings; and we will have no choice but to look at them and accept them if we want to move forward. Allow ourselves to feel and express those emotions It will be essential, as well as obtaining valuable learning from this experience. But, above all, we will have to learn to trust again.

Protect ourselves from the pain of disappointment, the raincoat effect

After a disappointment we usually close the doors to new experiences for fear of suffering again, of feeling that deep pain due to disappointment. This is why many people prefer or choose not to get attached to someone, thinking that this way they will minimize the risk of being hurt again.

Psychologists call this choice the “raincoat effect.”. It can happen when we have given the best of ourselves to our partner and he has cheated on us with another person, when we are completely honest with a friend and he stabs us in the back or when we suffer abandonment by our parents or family members. Unfortunately, even if it is not any of these three situations, you have surely experienced that feeling.

A popular saying says “He who burns himself with milk sees a cow and cries” and something similar can be applied to this raincoat effect. Making a comparison, milk would be a disappointment and the cow, a person. This means that even though that cow in the field was not the producer of the milk that burned us, it still Our burn will make us suffer and remember that painful event.

But leaving popular sayings aside, it is good to understand what this “raincoat effect” is. The moment we interact with someone, expectations are formed and increase. These cause us to start making predictions about that person’s behavior, thoughts and feelings in the future.

Of everything we expect, part of it can be based on what we already know because we have shared it, another part can be based on what we have been told about the other person and another part can be based simply on our idealization or our desires. The fact that we mix our desires with reality.

When expectations are very high or when the person does not fulfill his “implicit obligations”, then we feel disappointed, frustrated, sad and even angry, the result of deep pain from disappointment. However, we must try not to let these expectations hurt us or adapt to what reality is offering us, to that person.

Now, disappointment is not always due to our idea of ​​a “perfect” partner, friend or colleague, but rather Disappointment also occurs when the other person behaves very badly towards us. and does things that make us suffer. At that moment, other feelings such as resentment and anger appear, in addition to those already indicated (frustration, sadness, disappointment and anger).

And what happens next? Even if it isn’t raining, we put on a raincoat to avoid getting wet. This means that When a new person appears in our life, we are afraid of suffering and we do not open ourselves enough to let it in, with the intention of protecting ourselves from the pain of future disappointment.

Some people may even say that more than a raincoat, they have put on armor like that worn by knights in the Middle Ages. It all depends on how much you have suffered and how much it is costing to overcome that situation and everything experienced.

The dangers of the raincoat effect

We feel safe inside that clothing, as if nothing bad can happen to us. However, we will also be missing out on the possibility of experiencing other feelings. If we put on a raincoat and it doesn’t rain, we won’t be able to enjoy the sun’s rays on our skin, for example.
By protecting ourselves too much with that waterproof jacket we will not be able to grow as people. It is true that when faced with deception or disappointment, at first we do not feel like meeting new people or going out, but gradually it is necessary to overcome that stage.

Another consequence of closing the doors and windows of our house (heart) with five keys and padlocks is that the people around us will begin to distance themselves from us. We will think that they have abandoned us or that everyone is bad, however, It will be our own barrier that removes the beings that really exist several kilometers away. They matter to us and they care about us.

Nobody says it’s easy to get over disappointment, especially when it’s loving, but it is necessary to start take off your raincoat when there is no storm in the skyso you can enjoy the breeze and the midday sun.

Dare to sing in the rain and jump in puddles!

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