How to praise someone correctly according to science

How to praise someone correctly? Sometimes we go overboard. Other times, we fall short and, sometimes, the message is not understood correctly. Praising a person’s qualities is a difficult art that not everyone knows how to perform.. What’s more, many of us have experienced firsthand that attempt by some to praise a task completed and in doing so, what we experience is discomfort.

What’s more, it is common to distrust, to think that “he will tell the same thing to everyone” or “surely what he said is false.” We are skeptics by nature or, even worse, There are times when we don’t feel worthy of that positive reinforcement., of that verbal caress. However, it must be done. It is necessary to both accept praise and know how to offer it.

This is what science tells us about it.

Keys to praising someone correctly according to science

When it comes to praising someone correctly, Two goals must be achieved: to ensure that this reinforcement is credible and that it is enriching for the person.. Let’s think, for example, how important this type of validation is in children. If we apply them constantly and meaninglessly, the child will stop trying to receive them and they will lose their value.

Thus, the first key that we must follow is simple: Praise should be given when the circumstance so evidences it. We must not fall into excess, much less into sloppiness or indifference. If a friend, employee, co-worker, partner or someone close to you performs a merit, let’s let them know. Let us give him our due recognition.

Let’s keep some tips in mind.

Praise is a powerful social tool, but it should not be abused.

We have just pointed out, in a matter of “verbal caresses” less is more. We say this for something very specific. A compliment is a social tool that allows us to get closer to people. In this way, there are those who, for the mere fact of “being liked” or gaining someone’s trust, continue to emit positive reinforcements.

It is not appropriate, this behavior generates distrust. There are many ways to connect with each other, but resorting to the classic strategy of “spreading flowers” ​​without rhyme or reason is not the most appropriate.

Always in private

To praise someone correctly you have to do it in private.. Both positive reinforcement and specific criticism should not be done publicly and in the eyes of everyone. Let’s make sure that that moment in which we tell someone that we admire them or that their work is exceptional is private.

In addition, It is important to choose the right moment. There are moments more suitable than others for this type of conversation.

Know the personality of whoever you want to praise

Research work, such as those carried out at the universities of College Roosevelt and Utrecht (Netherlands), reminds us of something important. To praise someone correctly we must know the person to know how to give that positive reinforcement.

This was the conclusion reached when it was seen that praise was not useful in the entire sample investigated (high school students in this case). It was discovered that it was useful for some students: their performance improved. However, in others there was no change.

This shows us that Each individual processes these positive gestures in different ways.. There are those who do not give it importance and others believe they do not deserve them. Thus, so that the message reaches them correctly, we try to know how to get it across so that it is credible and useful.

How to praise someone correctly: be specific and direct

Avoid artifices, fancy words and long speeches. To praise someone correctly, be direct, be sincere and close. Try to shape that emotional connection with which reach the other person not only with the message, but also with the looks, with non-verbal communication.

The quality of the message: always in the first person and with positive words

“I admire you and I am proud of you”, “I think your work has exceptional quality”, “I loved that you did this”… Another key to praising someone correctly is use the first person and always use positive words, avoiding terms like “but”, “no”, “although”, etc.

Self-praise is also important

There is a curious aspect when it comes to praise. Research work such as those carried out at the University of Bielefeld (Germany) indicates that, on average, we give more truth to criticism than to other people’s praise. Somehow, we don’t always believe these positive reinforcements from others, but On the other hand, we are more sensitive to specific criticism.

The truth is that it would be appropriate and advisable to leave more space for verbal caresses and celebrate them. We are all deserving of these reinforcements and for this, there is nothing better than to start by praising ourselves. Learning to value our progress, successes and virtues is a way to strengthen our worth and self-esteem. There is nothing selfish about it.

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