How to overcome the separation of your parents when you are an adult

How to overcome the separation of your parents when you are an adult? The experience of this reality is often experienced as something taboo on certain occasions. Because beyond what we may believe, facing the breakup and distance from our parents is experienced with confusion and even anguish even if we are already twenty, thirty or even forty years old.

It is true that this fact can be more delicate for a child. But This does not mean by any means that the adult is immune to certain emotions, internal conflicts and even resistance.. Some point out, for example, that we often come to see our parents’ relationship as a kind of sacred institution. We tell ourselves even with a certain naivety that when we reach an age, what we have is an eternal and unbreakable agreement.

However, Couples break up, marriages fail and love fades, as does patience. Separations occur at any age, even at the most advanced ages, when the children are already adults. Let us therefore understand how these situations are experienced and how they should be handled.

How to overcome the separation of your parents when you are an adult?

From the field of psychology we know that no change or transition is easy. Being an adult does not make it easier to face the separation of our parentsWhat’s more, in fact, it can add more complex factors for which we are not always prepared. On average, it is common for this distancing to occur when children are in their twenties.

The reason? It is at that age when they already acquire their independence. Regardless of whether or not they continue living at home, they are now autonomous to make their own decisions, to take care of themselves, make their own life and build a future away from their parents. Suddenly, Parents see themselves living in that empty nest in which they stop focusing their concerns and occupations on their children and focus on themselves.

What they discover, sometimes, is a reality that they do not like. Finding yourself in a relationship that is no longer enriching, that lacks intimacy and in which each person has their own interests, makes you choose to separate. There is always time to start a new life and the breakup is, sometimes, not only understandable, but also necessary. Although this does not mean that children assume it in the same way.

In these cases… How to overcome the separation of your parents when you are an adult?

Don’t invalidate your emotions, you have the right to feel them (whatever they are)

Average, Society gives children more permission to show their emotions. In this way, when a child of 6, 10, or 12 years old cries, gets angry, or feels devastated by the separation of his or her parents, it is something that is viewed favorably. Now, the same does not happen with adult children.

However, we must be clear: It is normal, understandable and even expected to experience contradiction, sadness and even anger in these situations. Emotional health is feeling the right emotion at the right time and knowing how to manage it.

Understand and accept (perhaps, it was something you already saw coming)

When it comes to overcoming the separation of your parents when you are an adult, the most important thing is to accept that situation. It is not your responsibility to solve anything, even if you want to mediate so that things are resolved, it is not always possible or advisable. Sometimes, we are faced with a resolution that we already saw coming and that, in the end, will give our parents another chance to be happy.

Accept, understanding and assuming this new reality is an obligation. However, this will not prevent us from feeling sadness and pain due to this new situation.

Be fair, as much as possible do not take one side.

Sometimes, this separation can be motivated by very specific causes: infidelities, abuse, unethical behavior… These are circumstances in which we usually take a position with the victim, whether it is our mother or our father. These contexts are very delicate and it is necessary to handle them well so as not to further intensify the suffering.

The ideal is to be as even-tempered as possible. We will also avoid being a bargaining chip and being part of that type of blackmail that is sometimes carried out when separations are problematic. We will try to act with moderation, balance and success so that the separation is carried out in the best possible way.

Talk to someone outside the family about how you feel

It is important to have someone to talk to about that situation. The ideal is to open ourselves to a figure external to our own family, be it a friend, your partner or a psychologist. Sometimes, when it comes to overcoming the separation from your parents as an adult, it can be more difficult because there is a certain feeling of guilt, as if you could have done something about it.

We need to talk about those thoughts and also how to handle the changes. Who will we celebrate the holidays with? What will those visits to our parents be like separately? What happens if I get along badly with one of them, what will my relationship be like now? Venting worries is cathartic.

To overcome the separation of your parents as an adult, remember the good they have offered you

It won’t do you any good to get angry at them or get frustrated by their decision. Our parents are not an indissoluble entity, they are two people with their own needs, independent and worthy of building their own paths. They have the full right to start a separate life if they have decided to do so.

To better process this situation It is good to remember what each of them has given you. Remember their strengths, what they have taught you, the good that each one has imprinted on you. Don’t look for blame, life is complicated and, in the end, you have to make decisions to achieve well-being. They are not going to change the love they feel towards you, so it is not worth changing what we feel for them one bit.

A new stage begins and as adults, we will face it in the best possible way.. Changes are always complicated but they can lead to more rewarding times.

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