13 questions that hurt, but that you should ask yourself

There are questions that hurt, that we prefer to avoid, evade or not address because they question part of who we are.. We all have sensitive areas that we don’t want anyone to touch, much less discover. It is as if they removed that armor that allows us to be strong and even functional in the face of others. However, behind that shield, a fragile and vulnerable self hides.

However, It is healthy to bring to light those spaces that we leave in the psychological shadow. Becoming aware of fears, insecurities, emotional knots and thinking biases is recommended. They are invitations to introspection, to that informal reflection process so basic to cleanse certain internal areas of ourselves.

As curious as it may seem to us, This type of exercise was already proposed by who is considered the father of scientific psychology, Wilhelm Wundt.. Asking ourselves questions and practicing introspection allows us to delve deeper into dimensions such as thoughts, emotions and mental images that shape our narratives.

Why not start today? These simple questions can be useful to us.

Asking ourselves questions allows us to know ourselves better.

Questions that hurt, but are worth asking

Reflecting on ourselves and what surrounds us is a healthy practice. However, it is important to do it right.

Timothy D. Wilson, a social psychologist at the University of Virginia and an expert on the unconscious mind, self-awareness, and decision making, points out something interesting in his book Strangers to Ourselves, 2004.

Knowing ourselves does not only require asking ourselves questions that hurt or taking trips alone. We are not only what we think, we are also what we do. Therefore, it is also important to ask friends, family and partners how they see us. It is possible that others reveal to us aspects that we are not always aware of…

However, we suggest you begin this journey of self-knowledge and revelation by asking yourself a series of questions. In reality, it is not about answering them quickly. It is not a paper and pencil intelligence exercise, it is a task for reflection.

1. What are you stopping doing out of fear?

Fears are barbed wire for well-being and personal fulfillment. While it is true that they often serve as a necessary survival mechanism, there are times when we give power to clearly irrational fears.

The only way to deactivate them and feel free to grow and achieve goals is to be aware of them.

2. What is more important to you… That others love/admire you or loving yourself?

It is very possible that when reading this question, most of us will answer “well, both!” It is true, happiness and satisfaction reside, in equal parts, in receiving affection from others and in good levels of self-love. However, The problem is that, sometimes, we focus more on one area than another.

It is not healthy to depend on the admiration and affection of others to feel good. Nor is loving oneself excessively, neglecting others.

3. What is the difference between your “public self” and your “private self”?

This is one of those questions that hurts, but that we should all ask ourselves. Do we behave the same in public as in private? Are we social chameleons who always seek to blend in with others to feel integrated?

Let’s keep it in mind, Striving to be what we are not just to please and feel accepted only brings suffering.

4. Are you making an effort to meet other people’s expectations?

It never hurts to reflect on present efforts, on those goals and activities to which we dedicate our time. Do those objectives that we hope to achieve truly satisfy and excite us? Or are they, perhaps, other people’s expectations that we force ourselves to meet to satisfy others?

5. Are you idealizing someone?

People idealize when we are in love and also when we admire someone excessively. Attributing positive traits and characteristics to someone just because we like them or attract them is very common..

Nothing is more important in these cases than being aware of them and applying a more objective look with fewer filters.

6. Do you think you are falling into any behavior that is negative for you?

Another of the painful questions that we should ask ourselves is this. There are many counterproductive behaviors that we may be caught up in right now that we don’t want to see. An example of this is helplessness, thinking and obsessing, for example, that no matter what we do, nothing will improve (I won’t find a job, I won’t be able to get out of this harmful relationship, etc.).

Let’s also not overlook behaviors such as eating disorders (ED), alcohol abuse, excessive dependence on cell phones, etc. Accepting that we are involved in unhealthy behaviors is a priority.

7. Is there someone who doesn’t value you, but whom you find difficult to leave?

Friends, family and even couples… In our lives we may have one or more people who do not appreciate us as we deserve, who do not value us. Maybe it’s time to make a decision.

8. Do you think there is some fact from your past that you have not yet resolved?

In the field of mental health, attention is always placed on the aspect of trauma. We are a society that carries with it more than one painful fact from yesterday that has not been resolved.. A childhood of abuse or lack of affection is an example. He bullying school or workplace bullying are equally relevant dimensions.

Thinking about those aspects of our past that we have not overcome is something necessary.

9. Do you love and respect yourself as you truly deserve?

How is your self-esteem lately? And your self-love? It is important to remember that these dimensions are not stable over time. It is common for them to weaken, to fluctuate as a result of complicated experiences. Reflect on how you feel, how you perceive yourself…

10. Do you really know how to take care of a relationship?

This is one of those questions that hurts and yet we should all ask ourselves. Many times we carry with us dysfunctional patterns that we have seen in our family. Others, we validate myths such as romantic love, which only bring us suffering and misunderstandings.

11. Are you blaming others for things that are your responsibility?

Not everyone will delve into this question. Because it is uncomfortable, because it is not easy and it is not always understood adequately. Often, we tend to blame our family and society for what happens to us.

Our low self-esteem and trauma may be the origin of a dysfunctional family. It may also be that our current unemployment is due to the present social context. However, Beyond what has happened to us, it is our responsibility (and ours alone) to act in the face of everything that happens to us.

12. Are you working on your dreams/goals or are you waiting for a lucky break?

There are people who wait for destiny to bring to their doors everything they want and desire. They forget that Achieving goals requires daily efforts, motivation, persistence and planning.

13. Do you manage your emotions or do you let yourself be carried away by them?

We cannot conclude our list of questions that hurt by delving into the aspect of emotions. It is another neglected area, the one in which we do not always enable ourselves as we should. So let’s be honest… How do you handle negatively valenced emotions? Do you let yourself get carried away by anger or do you know how to regulate them? Doing it effectively results in your well-being.

To conclude, it never hurts to have a conversation with ourselves and delve deeper into these issues. Maybe we will realize that there are small areas that require our attention…

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