How to get over a betrayal: 8 steps to break free and move on

The ghost of betrayal is always on the prowl. Each person has their personal degree of concern when it comes to fidelity, some fear the most making it a daily thought, others are already able to abstract or live with the theme more peacefully. In either case, the moment when this ghost actually appears in a person’s life is always difficult and frightening.

If you’ve been through or are going through this problem, you’ve felt all the insecurities and hurts that a betrayal can cause. No matter how much self-confidence and emotional balance a person has, it is never easy to deal with a situation like this. It can be a mix of low self-esteem, possessiveness, fear, all together.

Dealing with this moment will never be easy. Whether you forgive or not, depending on the circumstances, the wounds left are deep and take time to heal or never close permanently.

The most important thing starts with staying calm and being able to rationalize your feelings, really trying to understand what happened, meditating on the feeling of ownership in relationships, and measuring the reasons.

When a woman is cheated on, the first thing that comes to her mind is: Where did I fail? Why did this happen to me? He does not love me anymore? In fact, the reasons for betrayal are very variable, says Patrícia Camargo, Affective Coach and Psychoanalyst. She points out three main situations that lead to a betrayal:

• Men who cheat compulsively. “For the pleasure of cheating, for enjoying being in danger and taking risks – these men have absolutely no commitment to the relationship. In fact, they don’t know what they want and don’t value what they have. In this case, it doesn’t matter if your partner is the best in the world – they will cheat regardless of her behavior and how dedicated she is to the relationship.”
• Men who are unhappy in the relationship. “These betray eventually. In a moment of crisis in the relationship, they seek comfort in another woman, they seek to relive the pleasure they had before the relationship went into crisis and was worn out”.
• Men who cherish the status of being married and having a family, but no longer believe in the relationship. “These keep the marriage because they have gains, whether social or family, because of their children. They don’t think about separating, but marriage, complicity and affection have long since been lost…” , analyzes Patrícia Camargo.

We live with different types of relationships and people. Each case is unique and rationally understanding what kind of situation you are in is essential to be able to analyze why this betrayal occurred and how to move forward in the best way possible.

Regardless of your decision to end the relationship or not and your stance in the face of this crisis, some attitudes can help you get through this moment better, stimulating your self-esteem and helping you to get out of the vicious cycle of bad thoughts that a situation like this can generate.

8 Essential Steps to Overcoming Cheating

1. Streamline

Understand what you are really feeling. Are you afraid of losing him? Angry? With shaken self-esteem? Feeling guilty? First, answer these questions so that you can understand what you are going through so that, from there, you can resolve it in the healthiest way possible. Try not to look only for culprits and faults, but try to understand the situation you are in and how to solve it.

2. Don’t blame yourself

See if you may have cooperated in any way with this. It will be important to overcome, but never blame yourself for the infidelity of others. It is his role to realize that he made a mistake and try to solve the problem. It may even happen that he tries to blame you for this slip. As much as it seems to make sense, you will never be blamed for a mistake like this.

3. Stay close to friends

Don’t isolate yourself in your sadness. Even if it’s difficult, try to surround yourself with friends or family for as long as possible. Make an effort to have people who love you by your side and so you will prevent feelings like self-pity, depression and constant bad thoughts.

4. Escape from possessiveness

Loving relationships usually end up being confused a lot with the feeling of possession. He gradually forgets that two people will always be different, will have different stories and expectations, and the possibility of one not belonging to the other can be uncomfortable. No matter how long two people stay together, each has a life of its own that can never be owned by anyone and that will move on, one way or another.

5. Invest your time in yourself

Keep a cool head and focus on activities that give you pleasure, and especially those that you know how to do well. It can be a very difficult task to get the courage to move. Do something that you were in the mood for and that you know will have good results. Victory in this task will stimulate your freedom and self-reliance.

“Doing what you love, doing what you set out to do, is another way to strengthen yourself in difficult times. In this way, we fill our heads with new pleasurable activities and we don’t keep brooding over the pain and reliving our mistakes”, adds Patrícia.

6. Talk openly, without passions

It is important that you stop and be able to talk without fighting and that each one exposes what they are feeling, their hurts and their goals for the future. Being alone speculating on reasons and situations will make you paranoid and will probably make you end up believing your mind’s creations. Talk once and for all so, looking each other in the eye, you can decide a direction for this relationship.

7. Beware of advice from friends

Each one has their stories and traumas and their way of dealing with betrayals. It’s important to talk to friends for support and guidance at a time when your head isn’t working very well. But this advice must be measured well so that you don’t end up being influenced in a way that could be negative.

8. overcome

If you decide to keep him, you will have to get over it. It won’t do any good, or it can even make the hurts of this relationship worse, always remembering, charging or using the subject for blackmail. Even if the relationship doesn’t continue, the best thing to do is forgive. Everyone makes mistakes and sustaining that evil will only affect you.

As much as it hurts, it is necessary for you to be able to move on, slowly letting go of your sorrows along the way. Don’t overwhelm your sadness, allow yourself to cry, get angry, be discouraged. Just don’t let this state of mind last too long. Life goes on, always, and the best thing about it all is that you can always start over.