How to emotionally manage the sudden death of a parent

The loss of a loved one is a potentially traumatic and distressing event, and even more so when it is a sudden death. If it is also our father whom we have lost, the process becomes complex. How to emotionally manage the sudden death of a parent?

In this article we address this topic, knowing that the grieving processes for losses that can be so close are never easy, but that they seem to become complicated when the departure of a parent occurs unexpectedly.

And, as Rodríguez (2011) points out, The human condition inherently involves the search for meaning of life, and this takes on special relevance in moments when the death of someone close is present. That is why it is normal that, when faced with the death of a parent, we question many things, while at the same time we try to deal with the pain that his departure entails.

The loss of a parent involves going through a grieving process.

The grieving process

Before talking about the resources we can deploy to emotionally manage the loss of a loved one, it is important that we know the grieving process. And when we go through a loss, It seems that we all go through a series of prototypical stagesalthough there are many differences in the course, since, depending on many circumstances, we can stay longer in some than others, and even return to a previous one.

In some cases, such as when there are existing diseases, an anticipated grieving process can be created which allows survivors to face this painful process and move forward after the inevitable outcome of their family member.

However, this is not possible in all cases. and this is exactly where things get complicated, when they happen suddenly without us, many times, having the opportunity to assimilate it.

Keys to overcoming the sudden death of a parent

How to overcome the sudden death of a parent? Before starting with the strategies, it is necessary to specify that there are no mass formulas, only useful ones, which together help us.

No matter how skilled you are with it, You are probably going to have to experience very deep emotional pain., a very great feeling of lack of control over what happens. On the other hand, our parents are generally our first attachment figures, so we can feel great helplessness.

Let’s see what we can do stage by stage.

Going through the phases of grief

In this sense, it is essential that you live each phase of grief. How? Learn how to do it through each of the phases of grief, proposed by the Swiss-American psychiatrist and writer Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

Remember that they are not linear phases, but cyclical, that are repeated over time until the integration of the loss is achieved, rather than the “overcoming” of it.

Denial

The first stage of grief is denial, and it is that moment when we find out about that person’s death and we simply we cannot process it. Our mind tries to distance itself from reality as a way to protect ourselves.

At this stage it is possible to experience a kind of shock that does not allow us to connect with what is happening. There is a feeling of disbelief about what has happened and you can feel a kind of unreality, as if you were dreaming.

It’s time to give yourself permission to feel everything, and not be in a hurry. The shock phase eventually passes.

Gonna

Once we pass the denial stage, anger becomes present. And it is a time when emotions overwhelm us and many times we do not know what to do with them.

In this stage, anger is present and it is necessary to let it outfinding adaptive ways to do so.

Thus, it is important to keep in mind that anger is part of the healing process, but it is also important to be aware of it so as not to turn it towards other people, generating wounds that will weigh us down later.

Negotiation

After the storm generated in the previous stage, comes the negotiation phase, which is like a kind of “truce” What we try to do while we process what happened.

During this stage we try to negotiate with a higher force (God, the universe, etc.) so that the death is reversed. In this phase, our thoughts focus on the illusion of being able to reverse what has already happened. It usually has a very short duration.

Also give yourself permission to go through this phase, It is normal for our mind to want to “negotiate” with pain and with what happened. Sometimes it is an unconscious search for answers.

Depression

Once we notice that turning back time is not possible, the next stage comes, which is depression, in which sadness overcomes us completely. After all the previous emotional upheaval, depression makes us fall.

Many people often try to rush this stage.seeing depression as something negative, but this is far from true, since it is a necessary stage to be able to experience a grieving process.

However, it is necessary to pay attention to not get stuck in this phase.

Acceptance

Finally, After all the pain comes the stage of acceptance. This does not mean that the death of the father stops hurting, it simply means that we learn to accept it and begin to understand and assimilate the new reality without that person by our side.

What else can help you?

In addition to experiencing a grieving process, there are things that can help you overcome the sudden death of a parent:

Seek professional help to talk and live your grief. Lean on your close friends and family. Continue with your routines without this implying silencing what you feel; Allow yourself to grieve. Allowing yourself to be cared for is essential to being able to heal. Don’t withdraw or close yourself off. Take care of your thoughts and how you speak to yourself.

Going to therapy helps you accept loss, manage pain and find meaning in life.

The experience of loss

If you have experienced the sudden death of a parent, you will know how hard this process is and the pain that such a situation entails. In many cases we have the feeling that these things “happen to others”, and Unfortunately, sometimes it’s our turn..

If you are living this experience and you don’t know where to hold on or how to hold on, remember that it is important that you can ask for professional help, and that you share what is happening to you.

It is time to face the grieving process and to relocate this beloved father in a different place, more on the spiritual plane than on the physical. But don’t get overwhelmed, don’t hurry… all this takes time. You deserve to go through your pain and your process as you feel and allow yourself to feel.

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