How to deal with criticism? 6 Tips from Psychology

Hello friends!

In this text, I would like to share with you some thoughts about criticizing and being criticized. Sometimes we criticize ourselves a lot, don’t we? The idea is to think about what we can do to deal with criticism, both internal and external.

In NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, we say that all behavior has a positive purpose, even though it may not be positive behavior or use of positive means per se. Criticism is an excellent example of this. If we think about the purpose of criticism, we will see that it usually has a good, positive, constructive purpose, but it can be done in a negative, destructive, aggressive way.

What is the purpose of criticism?

When I was in my Masters, I remember a lot of a period just before qualifications. The qualification is the moment when the student is evaluated by a panel, about 1 year before defending the dissertation. During this period, all colleagues were a little worried about how the qualification would be, especially since the professors on the board usually criticize our work. And what is the purpose of criticism?

If we look at it coldly, we will see that the board criticizes the student – ​​in the qualification – so that he can reassess the work, see points that are weak or could be improved, change chapters or ways of approaching a certain problem. Therefore, criticism aims to help the student to improve their work.

This example is also good because it shows us that the panel is criticizing the dissertation. It is not a criticism of the student. This is important to highlight: knowing how to separate the object of criticism from the subject being criticized is a very effective method for us not to create hurt feelings.

Let’s say you’re learning a new skill, like playing the piano or speaking English. If the teacher criticizes an error, he is not criticizing you, but your error. And the goal, again, is for us to perfect and move forward.

In this way, we can see that criticism has a positive purpose, which is to improve behavior.

And what about negative reviews?

There are a lot of people out there who are really clueless lol. Instead of criticizing in a polite way, criticize in a way to hurt, to hurt, to harm.

Let’s say you’re learning to drive. You still don’t know how to drive and this doesn’t make you a stupid, incapable or muggle person. If the instructor criticizes you like this, saying: “- You are very stupid!” he is criticizing not the behavior but the person of the student.

In companies it is common for this to happen, that is, in the professional environment many bosses think that this is the way to control their employees, increase production, to press for work to be better or faster. Of course, this is tremendous ignorance.

When we receive criticism of this level, we have to step back and assess exactly what is going on. Making a mistake in behavior doesn’t make a person an imbecile or an idiot, does it? Therefore, we should not take this type of criticism as truth. As I said above, knowing how to separate the behavior from the person is fundamental.

Tips for dealing with criticism

1. Assess whether there is any truth to the criticism. If so, forget the criticism and start looking for ways to improve. If there is no truth, let the criticism disappear, after all it is a lie.

2. Try to see criticism as a reference to your own behavior, not to yourself. Regardless of the fact that there is an error, an oversight, or a fault, it does not change your being, the person you are, the values ​​you have.

3. Seek, internally, to criticize the criticism. Taking a step back, you can start to criticize the criticism received. What’s wrong with her? For example, if you were told that your accent is bad (in an English class), know that around the world there are many accents for the English language, such as British, American or Australian English. In addition to the country’s accent, there is still the accent in each region of this country. So, sure, you can improve your accent, but worrying too much about it is silly. With this, you will be criticizing – rationally – the criticism itself.

4. With negative criticism, those that make no sense and are just to hurt, try to analyze the person who made the criticism a little. Anyone who needs to criticize in this way usually has problems. And if the person has problems, what are you going to care about? The best answer is silence, letting things go… after all, a problematic person would not accept an argument, a civilized dialogue, an exchange of ideas…

5. If you often criticize yourself, try to calmly analyze each of the criticisms. What are they for? Are they protecting you from danger – supposed or imagined? Write each one of them on a paper and you can find the reason for them to exist. In general, internal criticism is intended to protect us from external difficulties or problems. However, in many cases, they cause more headache than solution and can be even more complicated than external criticism…

6. Remember that everyone who has made important achievements has been criticized. Receiving criticism, in itself, is not a big deal. If the criticism is positive, and if it is true, it will help you. If it’s not true, it’s just a few words thrown to the wind by someone who has nothing better to do…

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