How to deal with a toxic family?

Do you have a dysfunctional or problematic family that only brings you suffering and tension? Don’t you know how to live with those dynamics? Take note of the keys offered in the following article.

Manipulation, contempt, falsehoods and blackmail are situations that can occur within the family. And it is that Dealing with a toxic family is not easy.. Their mechanism of action is similar to that of a sect and, in general, they know what strategies to apply so that their members do not escape their influence.

These destructive behavioral patterns take root in such microsystems, affecting all their components and dynamics.

The biggest problem with dysfunctional family members is that they rarely take responsibility for their actions.. They instrumentalize others to reinforce their needs. It is pertinent, therefore, to implement a series of actions that protect well-being and, above all, mental health. What strategies help? Get to know them while reading.

Often, a “I love you” said by a toxic family member hides a manipulative intention.

Keys to dealing with a toxic or dysfunctional family

Although the terms “toxic person” or “toxic family” do not have any scientific evidence and respond more to “pop psychology,” their meanings are understandable by everyone. Because behind them what really exists is a bad family dynamics and what emerges from it: psychological manipulation, emotional invalidation and abuse that affects the mental strata.

There is one fact that is essential to consider. Growing up in a toxic or dysfunctional environment is a risk factor, not only for mental health, but also for criminal behavior. The University of Western Ontario, in Canada, carried out a study that highlighted how 4/5 of the male prison population in this city grew up in a family with these characteristics.

How to deal with these situations? What mechanisms to develop to protect yourself? Below, they are detailed.

1. Understand what’s behind your toxic family

We know that blood does not make a family, but there are close figures who use the bond to generate emotional pain from a very early age. These may have different motivations and even suffer from a mental condition.

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In consultation, personality disorders are frequently identified, which would explain the family dynamics. Works such as that carried out by Dr. Liane J. Leedom, entitled The impact of psychopathy on the familydescribe this possibility.

The weight of dysfunctional family dynamics are wounds carried since childhood.

2. Limit contact

The first measure you can take is to limit contact. However, sometimes it is complicated. To do this, assess in which situations your presence in said environment is essential and in which it is not. Prioritize, avoiding being the target of their dishonest strategies, such as resorting to victimhood by blaming your distance..

Always keep in mind the manipulative traps of a dysfunctional family member and make it clear when and in what specific contexts you will go to them.

3. Physical and emotional margin

In addition to restricting contact with a harmful family environment, another decision should be made: establishing physical and emotional limits. To do this, you must argue them clearly and assertively; points out the following recommendations:

Require respectful communication from them. Make it clear to them what behaviors you cannot allow. You let them know that you are not willing to conform to their commands and expectations. Emotional boundaries require that you learn to say “no or I don’t want you to do this” out loud without the weight. of guilt. Remember that toxic people live to invade and circumvent other people’s limits. In this case, you explain to them that this will have consequences (for example, permanent distancing).

The most important thing when dealing with dysfunctional families is to have a good external support network.

4. Do not confront them, apply the “gray stone” technique

To deal with a toxic family, understand that it is useless to confront it. They have a very poor level of self-awareness and emotional responsibility. In these cases, it is useful to apply the “gray stone” technique.

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Do not participate in their provocations: ignore them. Interactions with them will be brief and assertive. Demonstrate indifference to their demands and victimhood. Interaction with the dysfunctional family must be neutral. When implementing the “gray stone” technique, certain emotional distance, as well as firmness to maintain the decisions made.

5. Have a close support network

Family is not always the one that comes into play when we enter the world. Family is one that is built with healthy, nutritious and emotionally mature figures. If it is not possible for you to completely distance yourself from this nucleus of harmful figures, It is important that you always have a daily support network that understands, accompanies you and reinforces your self-esteem.

Try not to isolate yourself or let that toxic family be your only socialization setting. Meet and build happy bonds with people who are worthwhile and do not hurt.

6. To deal with a toxic family, practice detachment

Detachment is the inverse process of bonding, that is, that technique that establishes a progressive emotional release from what hurts. Now, how to carry it out? These would be some strategies:

Stop expecting validation or support from your family. Understand that you are responsible for yourself; Seek your own well-being. Do not give value to what they express. Look for other sources to reinforce your self-esteem.Reformulate all the messages you have internalized from your family. Heal harmful messages.

7. Think about tomorrow and the relationship you want to have with them

How do you see yourself tomorrow? What role/position do you want these figures to play in your life? To deal with a toxic family you have to clarify very well what type of relationship you want with them. It is something you should think about and decide as soon as possible. For this, only these three options fit:

Disengage completely.Continue in the same way.Establish specific contacts.

8. If you have to see them, plan the meeting

It may be difficult to completely separate yourself from close figures, because they are dependent or know how to keep you from distancing yourself.. If you have to meet at certain times with a toxic or dysfunctional family, it is advisable to plan the aspects listed below:

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How long will the meeting last? Make it clear how long you will be there. What dynamics you will not tolerate. If this happens, it will be reason to suspend the meeting/visit.

9. Ask for psychological help: they will not change

The effect of a bad family dynamic sustained over time is quite erosive. Self-esteem is damaged, identity is weakened, and harmful beliefs and thought patterns may be internalized. These are situations in which it is easy to carry more than one trauma.

Always consider the possibility of requesting specialized help. Keep in mind that these people hardly change; So, it is you who must act. Psychological therapy allows us to heal these wounds and specify what strategies to take in this type of situation..

In the mind of someone toxic or dysfunctional there is no self-awareness or emotional responsibility. They are people who will not change.

The wounds caused by bad family dynamics take the longest to heal.

Breaking adverse threads to deal with a toxic family

The family, due to the intensity of the bond, when it is toxic does not represent an emotional environment that produces clairvoyance. You may want to walk away, but at the same time there are factors that hold you back. Perhaps circumstantial factors, but also the product of an attempt at deliberate manipulation.

When it is like this, The aggressor usually knows you well, being skilled at pulling strings to condition. This is why it is so useful to have a solid support network outside of this scenario.

Breaking with these adverse threads or managing them in another way will guarantee mental well-being.. Dare to practice it.