How to cultivate and care for tolerance in 9 steps

1. Take nothing for granted

We do not stop to think about our way of life, beliefs, customs, values… We take them for granted and assume that those around us will (or should) have the same set of behaviors and ideas.

When we see that others differ from me in any way, we conclude that something is wrong. The other is wrong, cannot be trusted, or is downright evil.

To develop tolerance we must begin by understanding that our mode is only one of many possible ones.

2. Identify areas of intolerance

Any trait or behavior can mobilize intolerance. But there are some areas in which intolerance tends to occur more frequently and it is important to know them and know how to identify them.

These spaces are intolerance racial or ethnicthe intolerance religiousthe intolerance social (contempt for those who belong to another class), intolerance to different skillsintolerance to other nationalities or immigrantsthe intolerance of gender (primarily towards women), intolerance towards sexual diversity and intolerance and physical stigma.

3. Learn to look with empathy

Tolerance requires empathy… It is necessary to stop and identify the things in which the other is like me. Tolerance begins by thinking that the other, no matter how diverse, is a similar person, because if we don’t start from that there is no basis to tolerate differences.

It is an interesting job, when we meet someone who we consider very different, trying to find the similarities. Surely we will find more than we think.

4. Start reversing prejudices

The truth is any generalization, such as “Jews always…”, or “women are very…”, it is always prejudiced and, therefore, harmful.

Prejudices are a great enemy of tolerance, since they make us believe that our contemptuous attitudes are justified. Nothing further from the truth.

Reversing a prejudice implies power see the person behind the stereotype that is presented to us and that we are used to seeing. It is an exercise in conviction and concentration.

5. Do not believe all your fantasies

When we come across ways that are strange to uswe weave great fantasies around them and we put together conspiracy theories: “They’re up to something.” It is an attempt to establish a them against us. We are experts in finding arguments to support what really comes from the “guts”.

People tend to fill the unknown with distorted versions of what we do know. Our encounters with others are no exception.

It is essential to develop tolerance to identify these fantasies and disbelieve them. Most of the time we will find that our own fears are hidden behind.

6. Don’t take it personally

In order to be more tolerant, we must understand that what the other does or says may be offensive to me but that they are not doing it or saying it to me.
It’s not a personal attack. It is not directed. I can feel offended or hurt but it is most likely that this was not the intention of the other.

If we understand this, we can be the first to know how to step aside and get out of a mirror confrontation in which each returns the aggression to the other with increasing anger and in a greater magnitude.

7. Exercise the art of compassion

Faced with any different attitude, it is very fruitful to stop and think: “What is the reason he could have for doing what he does?” Perhaps you feel insecure, scared, perhaps you have felt attacked in turn, or you don’t know other ways…

Being compassionate means always assuming the other’s best motives.

We can then open our arms and receive the other. Model for him a better response. As the phrase says: “Love me when I least deserve it because that’s when I need it the most.”

8. Tolerant people are happier

There is no clear and demonstrable relationship between success and happiness, nor between money and happiness, not even fame, health, or romantic love have been shown to consistently lead to happiness. The one trait that invariably leads to happier lives is the level of social attachment.

The larger and more nourished a person’s link network is, the happier they are. The more isolated, the more unhappy. So Exercising tolerance will lead us to expand our ties and, consequently, to be happier.

It has been proven in various studies that people who are more tolerant in their lives are also happier.

9. Happy people are more tolerant.

Surprisingly, the correlation between tolerance and happiness also works in the opposite direction: Being happier leads to being more tolerant.

It is not entirely clear why this relationship is due, but a possible explanation would be that intolerance feeds on resentment. When I don’t have what I want or encounter obstacles to get it, I am more prone to assign blame outwards (to those who are different from me).

Consequently, those who are more satisfied with what they have do not feel resentment and They are usually more tolerant.