How to accept someone else’s past

Often, in our reluctance to accept the past of others, hides the edge of jealousy and unresolved conflicts of our own.

We all have our personal story. Maybe we are not always proud of everything experienced, lived and accomplished or we may even be ashamed of certain stages. After all, Not everyone is able to accept the past of others and that sometimes causes us some anxiety when it comes to being honest.

This is especially delicate when we maintain a relationship as a couple. It is not strange that, Despite the emotions unleashed at the beginning of a relationship, prejudices or difficulties appear over time to accept the personal history of the other, especially with everything that is related to sexual relations. Now, that’s just part of it.

The question therefore is this, why is it difficult for us to accept the past of others? We all have our experiences and we know that the past is “gone”, that the present is what matters, that the now is what is essential in a relationship.. But…Why isn’t this valid for others?

Often behind these types of approaches is fear and insecurity. Let’s delve a little deeper into the topic.

“The past is a bucket full of ashes. Live neither in yesterday nor in tomorrow, but here and now.”

-Carl Sandburg-

Forgive yourself to be able to forgive

Many people have problems accepting the past of others because they themselves have regrets and outstanding debts from the past. We have not been able to leave our personal history behind or forgive ourselves for something and that is why we do not do it with the other.

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This is not easy to recognize. Albert Einstein used to say that “Problems cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness that created them.” We therefore need an act of courage to resolve our own knots, face yesterday’s conflicts, burdens and fears and then look at the world with greater internal peace.

Only when we trust ourselves can we trust others.

Often, we see in others something that we ourselves have not resolved and that we would like to forget. In this way, we punish others for our faults.

Accept the past of others when we feel jealous

Accepting the past of others is very complicated when a very specific figure inhabits the couple: jealousy.

This uncomfortable ingredient is mediated by insecurity, low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Furthermore, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Michigan reveal that emotional jealousy is not only related to these dimensions already mentioned. Sometimes, Behind these people with an obsessively jealous character is narcissism.

On the other hand, there are those who feel highly bothered when thinking about their partner’s sexual past. This is because sometimes we tend to grow up with an idealized image of love.

The problem of what they will say

Added to all of the above is a no less striking ingredient. Many people are not able to accept the past of others for fear of what they will say. This occurs both in romantic relationships and in social relationships.

Being with someone with a specific job, someone with a unique history, with a specific past that is socially frowned upon, can also make us feel uncomfortable at some point. Now, no We can live always thinking outward, giving up our freedom and our individuality.

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We cannot value another by thinking about what others will think, as if we were all part of the same thinking mind. You have to feel free and give the other the opportunity to make themselves known, to show their current value.

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each one knows their own pain and their own renunciation. It is one thing to assume that one is on the right path; It is another to assume that this path is the only one.”

-Pablo Coelho-

Learn to know and trust others

We can’t change what happened, but we can change the way we look forward.. This goes for oneself and for others. That is why it is so important to worry about getting to know each other.

All our experiences, including all the setbacks, failures, mistakes, bad decisions, everything that has been done to us that has hurt us makes us grow, makes us stronger. Even in misfortune there is an opportunity to be better.

Do not judge the other, resolve, accept, welcome

Many aspects of others’ past that we find difficult to accept are aspects that we have not resolved about ourselves.

In fact, the other person may feel proud of their own past and that is something we must accept. Instead of judging, we need to understand, appreciate and resolve our own conflicts.

Nobody is perfect. Just looking at yourself is enough to remember it. If you don’t want others to judge you for something that doesn’t fit their molds or social stereotypes, don’t do it to others.

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In any case, Your judgment is nothing more than an opinion about something apparent. AND looks are deceiving. If you want to live a fuller and more interesting life you will have to overcome that and give yourself the opportunity to see beyond.