How do I tell my partner that I am no longer happy with him?

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Do you feel unhappy right now? Do you think the origin is in your current relationship? Maybe it’s time to talk to that person.

“How do I tell my partner that I’m not happy? How can I explain to him that there is something wrong and the only thing I feel is stress and pressure?”. Who more and who less has seen themselves in a similar situation on a relational and emotional level. Because sometimes what started out as almost a fairy tale, results in a situation of stagnation and even disappointment that is difficult to handle or face.

Beyond love is undoubtedly the type of relationship we build. No matter how much we love that special person, the most important thing is the bond, the quality of treatment, communication, care, reciprocity… We know that there are many factors that oxygenate and nourish that alliance, but there are others that can consume it. .

Realizing that you are unhappy is not something that happens overnight.. It is a slow process that is macerated by disappointments, truncated expectations, routines that stifle illusions, despair… At first you don’t finish assuming that indefinable feeling that dulls your spirit, until finally there is no turning back. You have to act.

Revealing our unhappiness to the loved one is a priority. We cannot continue deceiving ourselves, nor the other person.

Before telling our partner that we are not happy, let’s ask ourselves how we got to that feeling.

Strategies to tell your partner that you are not happy

The writer Sylvia Plath said that at a specific moment in her life she felt her lungs being inflated with an avalanche of air, trees, mountains and people. She took it for granted that that, and nothing else, was happiness. It’s like breathing intensely, revulsively and deeply. On the contrary, unhappiness is shortness of breath and sadness.

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When a lack of enthusiasm, motivation and vitality occurs in one of its members in a relationship, it is a cause for concern. After all, Love is supposed to be, above all, experiencing happiness, harmony and satisfaction. What happens when one of us doesn’t feel it? How to tell the other couple that we don’t feel happy?

It is important to clarify that no relationship is a permanent bed of roses nor is harmony experienced 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There are potholes, there are discussions, problems and disappointments. However, the fact that this happens is not an unavoidable sign that this bond is going to be broken. It is an obvious sign that there is something that we must face and try to solve.

Let’s see what guidelines we should take into account in case we find ourselves in this situation.

Sometimes, the unhappiness we feel does not have its origin in the relationship itself, but in other dimensions that we are neglecting. If this is the case, they must be addressed before our quality of life and the bond with our loved one deteriorates even more.

1. Reflect: why are you unhappy? What has led you to that situation?

Before sharing that emotional reality with your partner, reflect. What has been happening to make you feel that way? It is necessary to clarify what has triggered that sensation. Knowing the origin will allow us to understand the causes and think about coping strategies. To do this, try to answer these questions:

When did I start to feel this way? What situations intensify or reduce this feeling of unhappiness? What could solve this lack of well-being and hope?

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It is possible that the cause of our discomfort is not in the relationship itself, but in another context. There are social and psychological realities that can orchestrate this feeling, such as work or lack of it, personal or existential problems, lack of self-esteem, the weight of past traumas, etc.

2. Focus on your feelings and express what you feel without projecting blame

How to tell my partner that I am not happy? Well, dimensions such as sincerity, assertiveness and using the first person to explain what you feel are decisive. Use phrases that begin with “I believe, I feel, I want.”

It is important in all cases not to assign blame. Avoid expressions like “it’s just that you only think about yourself.” It is better to start this dialogue by clearly exposing our personal reality and how we feel.

3. Promote empathetic listening and prepare for the other person’s reaction

Dr. Diana R. Garland, from the University of Louisville, conducted research on the benefits of training couples in a very specific skill: active and empathetic listening. Few dimensions structure a relationship in such a healthy way as knowing how to listen to others.

Thus, It is a priority that your partner is able to care for you and understand your personal reality. Keep in mind that few things can be received as worrying as this fact. When a loved one reveals to us that he or she is not happy, it is highly painful and worrying.

Therefore, you must also be prepared for their reaction. Listening to what that person has to tell you is also decisive.

4. Prepare for change

Unhappiness can be the origin of a personal problem, such as unemployment, latent depression, unresolved trauma, etc. One can maintain a relationship, love the other person, but not be happy for reasons beyond that relationship. These situations occur excessively frequently and we must know how to address them.

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In difficult times it is more necessary than ever to have the support of your partner. And let’s keep it in mind, authentic love is nothing other than mutual commitment in any challenge and circumstance. It is that active and authentic response capacity to the other person’s needs that allows us to resolve any challenge or problem.

If the reason for our happiness is a lack of love, let’s not prolong what has no meaning out of pity or indecision. By doing so, we will only intensify our suffering.

End with maturity

Last but not least obvious: Unhappiness in most cases is caused by lack of love.. Feelings wear out, fade, and fade away. If this is our case, let’s not prolong impossible situations. Let’s not wait “to see what happens, to see if the other person changes, or it is possible that something happens and they love you again.”

When disappointment and lack of affection arise, extending the relationship can give way to contempt, more arguments, betrayals and unpleasant experiences.

Let’s avoid it, Let’s act maturely and put an end to that relationship by making the reason clear.. Doing so, expressing clearly that we have stopped loving the other, will prevent false hopes from being harbored.

Unhappiness always has an origin that we must clarify. Knowing how to respond to what happens to us will allow us to act in the face of the circumstances that orchestrate it to recover our well-being.