How a narcissist chooses his victims

Do you follow any specific formula or strategy? A person with this personality trait is driven by a series of conscious and also unconscious needs – in this sense, he is no different from ordinary mortals.

They seek validation, strengthen their self-image and self-esteem, and of course, obtain a series of social, emotional and even economic benefits in a way that we could say is more selfish than average.

This means that, In most cases, it does need a very specific type of figure or figures next to it.. This is how this tracking begins, that hunt that becomes more sophisticated as it understands who serves its purposes, and who is better to avoid.

Likewise, when a predator of this type scans the social horizon in search of a “gazelle”, there is an erroneous aspect that we tend to fall into.

The victims of narcissists are not fragile, nor naive, nor vulnerable men and women or made to fall into the network of any emotional manipulator or trickster. The goals of someone with narcissistic personality disorder are lofty: They want smart, talented people.. Not all of them are useful, not all of them are worth it…

Narcissists need to create dependencies so that their victims will cling to them.

Data that a narcissist looks at when choosing his victims

A relationship with a narcissist is like a roller coaster.. At the beginning there is a sensational surge of emotions; Everything is spectacular and almost perfect. It’s like being out of breath. We have just met someone who dazzles us, and who also seems to know what key to press to surprise us, to be the person we need most at that specific moment, thereby making us generate a dependency.

Now, after that rise comes a plummet: the first disappointment, the first emotional aggression and the first chill when realizing what an authentic personality it is. However, it is not easy to walk away or break up with a narcissist.. That agonizing journey of ups and downs will continue for much longer…

This cycle of suffering causes many to wonder why it happened to them. How does a narcissist choose his victims? Well, the first thing that needs to be made clear is that we can all fall into the trap of this type of personality. We can all be “gazelles”.

Sometimes, in fact, it is enough to be born into a specific family. Narcissistic fathers and mothers are a sadly common reality. Let’s now look at those characteristics that usually attract these figures:

1. People who have some talent

Nondescript people are not worth it; A narcissist will always prefer the talented, the one who excels in some area, the virtuous. We cannot forget that this personality profile shows low self-esteem, and what it wants is to appear prestige, resolution and competence. Therefore, surrounding himself or even having a brilliant partner puts him in the same position.

2. Smart people

Research from the University of Warsaw highlights something interesting: Narcissists admire intelligence and consider it an essential tool to achieve success and recognition. Therefore, they will always set their sights on those most exceptional figures.

Having figures with high cognitive skills at their side serves to reaffirm themselves, to offer the world a false illusion of intellectual mastery that, in reality, they do not always have. Also, let’s not make a mistake. The narcissist does not admire his intelligent partner or friend: they are mere “objects” for a purpose.

3. People with some trauma or emotional void

If we ask ourselves how a narcissist chooses his victims, there is a fact that is as illustrative as it is recurring. This personality profile requires that the person you are going to control create a dependency bond with them.. One mechanism to achieve this is by taking advantage of possible past traumas or emotional voids. Knowing their weak point gives them an almost constant advantage.

At the beginning, that wound from yesterday helps them achieve a rapprochement. Suddenly, no one else seems to understand us as much. What’s more, they often resort to deception, to the point of making us believe that they have also gone through the same thing. No one understands us with such intensity, no one seems to be so in tune with our life story.

However, Those voids and past traumas are also their strategy to keep us tied to them.. Fear of abandonment or loneliness are realities on which dependence is built.

A narcissist looks for “suppliers”, that is, people who provide him with social prestige, who validate his low self-esteem.

How does a narcissist choose his victims? Highly empathetic with low self-esteem

If we wonder how a narcissist chooses his victims, there is one fact that comes up frequently. Empaths and narcissists are often attracted to each other.

The former are defined by showing high understanding, compassion and desire for connection. The latter draw from these a constant supply of validation and attention. We cannot ignore the fact that empathic people are emotional sponges, they absorb every feeling, every need, every state from others… Something like this is ideal for the narcissistic personality; This way, you will have someone who will meet your every need.

On the other hand, another variable serves to strengthen this painful connection. We talk about low self-esteem. When high empathy is combined with a mindset of “I’m not enough,” “I’m afraid of being alone,” or “I’m not strong enough to deal with this,” the narcissist will always have unlimited power.

To conclude, as we pointed out at the beginning, it is very easy to get caught in the spider web of this type of profile. What is no longer so simple is getting out of it. Let us always remember that recovering dignity and well-being involves making decisions and moving away from what is not good for us. . As gazelles, we have the power to jump and run fast when we need to.

You might be interested…