Hostility in the relationship: a covert war that rusts the magic

Hostility is an attitude of contempt towards one or more people with a conscious intention to harm. This intention can be noted in different ways. It can be made evident covertly, in the form of gossip and slander, or more explicitly, with verbal or physical attacks.

Hostility is an unpleasant emotional experience. Because hostility does not arise from a situation of opposition, war or competition. It is a feeling that is directed towards the one who was our sentimental partner, friend or brother, in what was supposed to be “a land of peace.”

Hostility: this is what it feels like

The best way to understand hostility is to experience it. It is rarely forgotten. Feeling like objects of attacks against which we can hardly defend ourselves because they are expressed in an indirect and not very frank manner. generates great discomfort. Above all, if these wounds are caused by someone important to us.

Hostility feels like:

An incessant and veiled attack or offense towards our attitude or opinion.The use of our words as a weapon against ourselves by another person. We feel that they want to set a trap for us to “reveal” what we never intended to say. Criticism towards aspects of our life that have little or nothing to do with the situation that is shared at a given moment. For example, someone brings up details or experiences in a surprising and non-consensual way with other people in your presence.Direct or indirect pressure to change your mind, beyond all dialogue or debate. Some evaluation of your needs or your state of mind. Something like “psychoanalyzing” yourself when you haven’t asked for it. Comparing their life with yours, to make you see that your problems “are not that big of a deal,” nor are your achievements.Point out how good you feel with some peoplereflecting in a veiled way all the attributes that seem not to exist in you. Claiming that you don’t listen to her or that you are “inaccessible.”

These are some examples of how hostility can be noticed. There are many forms of hostile behavior. Evidently, All hostile behavior has different intensities and ways of presenting itself..

What leads a person to be hostile to another?

In many cases, the element that maintains hostility is a lack of social skills. There is anger or resentment, but the person is not able to begin or maintain an open and sincere dialogue about what has happened. Thus, it manifests the energy of anger or anger with hostility.

However, this attitude is not honest. Far from building, it demolishes; far from building bridges, it weakens them. On the other hand, in many cases it is reasonable that we do not want to prolong a relationship over time; It is not so much to do harm until this rupture occurs.

Hostility: a harmful and ineffective way of communication

It is usually difficult for us to feel empathy for a person who behaves in a hostile manner. However, sometimes, it is not about feeling empathy, but rather stimulating reflection and recommending psychological help. The intervention of a third party can channel anger or annoyance through other channels than hostility and resentment.

Let’s see what some of the causes of overt or covert hostility:

Many people with hostile behavior have inherited significant psychological wounds from early childhood neglect and abuse. They don’t want to be aware of it, the pain it causes them or they don’t know what to do about it.Psychological wounds can originate from impulsivity, anger, sarcasm. In many cases, people who maintain a hostile attitude are unaware of the long-term consequences of their disrespect. People who exhibit hostile behavior lack effective communication skills. They have been involved in repeated dynamics of conflict where the solution was to “win” or, on the contrary, feel deeply humiliated.They confuse frankness with offense. Furthermore, they do not manage well when and how certain comments should be expressed or when their behavior is creating a tense situation. They are often not aware that their social needs are not met, which further deteriorates their self-esteem.They don’t expect the person they harass to confront them.. When it occurs, there is usually no self-criticism or reflection, but rather an increase in one’s own hostility.All of these factors combine to promote mutual dislike, disrespect, and mistrust.which inhibit effective problem solving, forgiveness, and genuine cooperation.

So if you’re someone who suffers from this kind of covert, unresolved anger, it’s best to stop for a second and choose a way that isn’t steeped in hostility. In this sense, professional help is always valuable.

You might be interested…