Have you fallen in love with a person or an illusion?

It has happened to all of us at some point that after a few years, different behaviors and habits of our partner begin to bother us. Being with your feet on the table, being so ironic… But if we look back, we already met that person being like that, what happens is all this went unnoticed. The reason is that we had fallen in love with an illusion.

The falling in love phase can wreak real havoc. It makes us blind and takes away our reason to the point of dreaming that we are capable of doing anything crazy for the other person. Someone we see as perfect. But what we are not realizing is that this is not real. This perfection only exists in our thoughts. Reality is being adulterated by our emotions, expectations and illusions. It is not as we are seeing it.

Being in love with an illusion

When we believe that a person has changed over time, what we should ask ourselves is whether we saw them as they were from the beginning.. Most likely, the answer is “no.” During the beginning of any relationship, we create an image that makes us perceive beauty, perfection and marvelousness unmatched.

However, Nobody is perfect, we should have this assumed. However, that image that we create in our mind of the other person, the result of a deep love, becomes part of our reality during that time. This is how we end up believing our own lies, ignoring any attitude that bothers us or that we don’t like. In fact, this is one of the reasons why many people repeat unhealthy relationship patterns.

“Better to be free. Better to be alone and go for a walk through this pile of nothing, than to continue clinging to false illusions and later wake up to a handful of broken dreams…”

-Edwin Vergara-

John’s story

Juan was very confused and fed up.. I hesitated between continuing with the relationship or breaking it off completely. Everything had exploded. Suddenly, it seemed like she didn’t like anything about the other person. His complaints, his manias… Everything made him nervous. He wanted to see the situation from another perspective to see what had really happened, but he was unable.

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What was happening to Juan was that At first everything was wonderful. He saw his partner as a beautiful, perfect, responsible and very good being. However, over time and without really knowing why everything changed. The person he had fallen in love with had very bad days that Juan found unbearable. Mood swings, absurd complaints…

Juan’s partner was not comfortable with the relationship or did not know how to manage what was happening to him outside, for example stress at work. However, the problem was that when Juan spoke to his friends about this situation he seemed to be referring to two totally different people. So much so that, in reality, they didn’t even exist. They weren’t real.

Juan did not see his partner as he was, he never did.. At first, the illusion she had about the relationship only allowed her to see someone perfect. Her feelings prevented him from seeing any flaws. Now, she wasn’t seeing his partner as she was either. His emotions prevented him again. Juan had never known who he was really with.

Being in love with an illusion prevents you from seeing the other person as they are.

Learn to see others

Learning to see others as they are is difficult, but not impossible.. Isn’t it true that with a friend we don’t usually have as many expectations as with a partner? The same goes for siblings, if we have them. We see these people as they are, with their lights and shadows.

However, When we start a relationship with another person, at first we usually only see their lights. But, over time, we focus only on their shadows. This causes a mess and causes the relationship to transform in a very dramatic way.

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The important thing is to be aware that when we fall in love, the image of the other is distorted towards perfection. YesKnowing that this happens and taking it into account during this period opens the door to the other reality., the one in which the person is a set of lights and shadows. Furthermore, it is important to keep in mind that just as the other person has certain attitudes and behaviors that we love, there will also be others that we do not completely share.

We should not blame ourselves for having fallen in love with an illusion. Many of our beliefs about romantic love cause this to happen. But, the moment we realize this and are conscious, we can do something to change it. Have you ever fallen in love with an illusion?