Gottman method of couples therapy: what does it consist of?

Many couples go to therapy when they are going through a bad time. Seeking to provide a universal solution to these problems, a couple of psychologists came up with a technique: the Gottman Method of couples therapy.

The couple in question, John and Julie Gottman, studied more than 3,000 cases over more than 40 years. Using statistics, they sought to isolate the variables that led to a relationship failing, as well as those that kept it solid and lasting.

If you want to know what pillars support a relationship, as well as what can break them, you can find out in this article. The field of relationships is full of volatility and chaos, but here is a glimpse of clarity. Do not miss it.

The Gottman Method of couples therapy

The Gottman Method of couples therapy begins with a thorough assessment of the relationship. This is done through a joint interview, and a subsequent individual interview.

The main goal of this therapy is to disarm the verbal conflict in the couple and increase intimacy, respect and affection.. It is especially useful for the feeling of stuckness or stagnation caused by unresolved conflicts.

When can the therapy be applied?

The Gottman Method of couples therapy can be applied at all stages of a relationship. It serves both as an educational tool at the beginning of the relationship and to resolve conflicts that are already entrenched and have not progressed for some time.

On the other hand, as it is an intervention based on very basic processes, it is applicable to people from all groups. In the studies carried out by the Gottman couple, its effectiveness was demonstrated in people of different ethnicities, cultures, economic status and sexual orientation.

Factors that predict breakup

However, there is no 100% effective therapy. The main strength of the Gottman Method is that it has been able to take advantage of this to isolate the variables that lead to the breakup:

Contempt of one or both members of the couple towards the other. Defensive attitude. Criticism of the personality of the other member of the couple that does not dissolve with therapy. Refusal to interact or communicate by one or both patients.

The Gottman Method House of Couples Therapy

The principles that are presented as successful in maintaining a healthy and consolidated long-term relationship can be presented within the metaphor of building a house. In this way, patients are explained that All relationships are based on two immovable pillars: trust and commitment.

If both members of the couple trust each other and are committed to working to overcome difficulties, then they have the necessary foundation to add qualities to the relationship that guarantee the well-being of both.

The 7 floors of the Gottman house

Once this first stage in which trust and commitment are established is successfully overcome, we continue with 7 more steps. In this way, the relationship is solidified and tools are provided to both members of the couple to resolve their conflicts. These 7 “floors” are the following:

Respect differences: the people who make up a couple are different and must respect and accept each other. It is not necessary to agree on everything, but rather to communicate and resolve differences in the best possible way.Show love: Although it may seem obvious, keeping in mind the virtues of others, appreciating them and expressing them with gestures and words is something that is taken for granted over time. The Gottman Method seeks to keep this dynamic alive.Solve the problems: This section refers to internalizing the necessary tools to solve problems and repair damage caused to the couple, such as negotiation, tolerance and teamwork.Build love maps: This concept refers to the mutual and shared awareness of the other’s world; That is, each member has a mental and emotional representation of the personal world of their partner.Express interest: Interest in your partner is essential to share special moments and build a full and valid image of the other person.Manage conflicts: Problems will always appear in a couple. Therefore, in addition to tools to solve them, this method aims to help develop skills to manage problems when they appear and until they are resolved.Create shared meaning: Finally, it is necessary that both members of the couple find a shared meaning in being together. Both parties must contribute something to the relationship and be nourished by what the other brings.

As a final consideration, it is necessary to emphasize that each couple is different. Furthermore, times change and, with them, the conception of love and relationships. When applying this therapy it is necessary to train in it beforehand, in addition to studying each case separately to provide the most personalized attention possible.

You might be interested…