Emotional distance is what separates you the most from your partner

Emotional distance in a couple creates more abysses than a misunderstanding or even a specific conflict in the relationship. Losing intimacy, that complicit closeness and the valuable fabric where trust and complicity are spun make up a scenario of quicksand in which we sink deeper every day. Few situations can be more distressing.

The psychological cost for the person who still loves the other, and who suddenly perceives that cold wind that brings emotional indifference, can be huge. And yet, it is not something that comes suddenly. Because that lack of interest or that absence when it comes to showing connection and attention to the couple is taking shape in a subtle but progressive way, visualizing itself in small things that previously had meaning and that, slowly, lose their original sparkle.

John Gottmann, professor of psychology at the University of Washington and one of the leading experts on relationships, points out something interesting on this very topic. The couple that maintains that emotional attachment, that bond built on affection, can face any problem., to any occasional disagreements and differences. Now, if that essential nutrient fails, everything begins to collapse.

Emotional distance is a prelude that has consequences that we will have to face. Understanding what it is due to can be key in many cases.

Emotional distance in a couple: signs and possible causes

When a person wants to build a meaningful relationship, whether family, friendship or as a couple, they know that they must work on emotional connection. It is almost like creating a refuge where two presences fit exclusively, two figures who respect each other, who know each other and who express interest, affection, the need for care towards the other and also concern.

Achieving such craftsmanship is not always easy; On the other hand, if we achieve it, we will have that emotional muscle capable of facing many circumstances.. Thus, anticipated or real conflicts with our partner are sources of concern. Arguing, having conflicting ideas and getting angry are dimensions that always generate some tension and anguish; We can think that something of this caliber could be a deal breaker.

Let’s be clear, if there is an emotional connection, we will always reach an agreement. Because conflicts are valuable scenarios to give oxygen and strength to the relationship, we clarify positions, we rebuild ourselves and generate changes that affect the bond itself. And all of this is positive, all of this is facilitated by that emotional fabric that creates bridges and allows us to go beyond selfishness.

Characteristics of emotional coldness in a couple

Now, sometimes the exact opposite of what was previously stated occurs. There are times when a conflict or even a specific problem reveals the emotional distance between the couple. They are psychological scenarios where there is no longer transparency but walls, where communication fails, where glances are not sought and words have the sound of an almost devastating disinterest. These would be some characteristics of these situations:

We no longer talk about feelings and emotions. These topics are avoided at all costs because suddenly, one of the two finds it uncomfortable or out of place to have certain conversations; hence very elusive excuses are used.Imbalance in emotional investment. One that gives more to the other in a systematic way. In these situations, it is common for a moment to come where only one of the members is making an effort to keep the bond afloat, while the other is establishing more and more distance.Rituals and customs cease to have meaning. Those little things that were so important to the relationship before, like taking a bath together, talking for hours in bed, sending affectionate messages during work hours, etc., suddenly stop being relevant to one of you.Another determining factor is the loss of interest in the other person.. She is no longer interested in what she thinks, what she thinks, what she feels, what worries her… This is without a doubt one of the hardest symptoms of emotional distance in a couple.

What can we do when emotional coldness is perceived in a couple?

Behind the emotional distance in a couple there may be different realities. The most common is, obviously, lack of love and the reluctance or insecurity to communicate to the other that what they felt before has vanished. However, in addition to the heartbreak itself, there may be other situations that we can work on to recover the relationship (if possible).

There is a type of approach that is very suitable in these cases. lCouples therapy based on emotion, for example, offers good resultsas revealed by work carried out by doctors James L. Furrow, Susan M. Johnson. In this case, What is worked on are aspects such as communication problems, the clarification of problems that create emotional distance, Train in emotional expression and management and help the couple transform their relationship to shape a richer and more skillful stage to understand each other and face problems.

However, each couple undoubtedly presents its own uniqueness. Likewise, sometimes distances are unbridgeable, and even more so when feelings are no longer authentic. Let us therefore avoid doing harm by prolonging these unsustainable situations. Let’s keep it in mind.

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