Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail can occur both in friendships and in the family or relationship environment. The goal of a blackmailer is to manipulate the other person, to turn them into someone who obeys their wishes. Sometimes it can be carried out in such a subtle way that the other may not realize that they are being manipulated.

Even if it looks like a lie, A person who resorts to emotional blackmail is someone insecure and weak. They need to resort to blackmail to achieve their goals, since in a healthy way they do not see themselves capable of achieving things, although apparently they seem like very confident people.

Emotional blackmail can be carried out in different ways. We are going to see 4 ways to blackmail and how to act to avoid falling into that type of manipulation.

1. Emotional blackmail due to pressure or threat

This type of manipulation consists of putting pressure on the other person, in such a way that their freedom is restricted, since if they do not do what they are told, there will be punishment or great anger later. The feeling that arises in the victim when faced with this manipulation is fear.
The typical phrase from parents to young children “if you do this you are punished” or someone who tells his girlfriend “if you do that again I’ll leave you”, etc… are radical phrases in which if you don’t follow an order there is a subsequent negative consequence.

How to defend ourselves from this type of manipulation?

Making the blackmailer see that he cannot fill us with fear. A threat or pressure always seeks to generate fear and thus the victim agrees to obey, but if there is no fear or we pretend that there is none, we dismantle the manipulation.

The response, for example, to a threat such as “if you do that again I’ll leave you,” could be “I’m free to do what I want and if that makes you leave me, I can’t do anything.” The important thing is to show that if we carry out that threat or punishment we are capable of facing it. And that doesn’t mean our actions will change.

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2. Guilt, bad person

It consists of creating a feeling of guilt in the victim,

What is sought with any of these phrases is that the other person feels like a bad person and feels guilty, in that way The victim is manipulated and agrees to please the other person so as not to feel like the bad guy in the movie.

How to stop this type of manipulation?

Letting the blackmailer see that we don’t feel like bad people, nor that we believe ourselves guilty of the consequences that not following orders could bring.

There are extreme cases like “if you leave me I don’t want to live anymore”, it would be the most delicate example because not feeling guilty in a case like this becomes difficult, since we could feel responsible for the health of the other. The truth is that Each person is the owner of their life.

We must live in freedom, we cannot be clinging to someone out of pity or guilt because in the end the victim would be the manipulated person.

3. Confuse, deform

The blackmailer will try to distort situations until he manages to place himself in the role of being the one who is right, he will want to become a kind of guide. In order to manipulate He will know perfectly well the victim’s weak points and will make him see that he needs his advice to go on the right path..

Will try to create a kind of dependency, In it it is the blackmailer who has possession of the truth. It will be expanded into arguments that can turn any situation around in order to show that salvation lies in listening to it.

How to stop this type of misrepresentation?

Communicating to the manipulator that each person sees things in a different way and whether we are wrong or not, we want to make the decision that we personally believe is best. Thus, even if the blackmailer tries to make the victim see that he is making a mistake, he could respond by stating that we don’t mind making mistakes and that we want to make our own decisions.

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4. Positive promises and gifts

Another more hidden type of blackmail, which It doesn’t seem like blackmail, is to promise something very positive if you agree to the wishes of the other. Something very attractive is rewarded or given if we agree to what the other wants.

Parents usually do it with their children: “If you pass, I will buy you a bicycle.”, “if you go to see your grandmother I’ll buy you the sneakers”, etc. The child, if he really wants what they offer him, does his best to obey. This case is positive because the order that the parents give is good for the child.

There are other cases in which the order tries to cloud the victim. An example is that of a lover who wants to conquer a girl who has financial problems and offers her such rewards that he knows she will agree to go out with him. In the end the victim will realize that she has been bought and manipulated, since out of desperation human beings reason at 50%.

Also Another way to do emotional blackmail would be to remember the gifts and payments they made to us., “Do you forget the gifts I have given you?”, “Do you remember that I paid you this or that?” It is like saying in a very subtle way “I have given you many material things and therefore you must obey me because you owe me something.”

How not to give in to this type of manipulation?

Reminding the blackmailer that Each person is free to pay and give what they want, But that does not mean we are obliged to return the favor nor do we give in to being manipulated because of it.

Always in any type of relationship, whether friendly or as a couple, We must be at the same level as the other, it is a reciprocal give and takethe moment someone moves into another position the alarm signal could go off.

A healthy person helps within the normal range, but if someone takes advantage of it to place themselves in the position of “hero” and leave another as a “victim who needs to be saved” we could already enter a role of manipulation.

Signs to detect a possible emotional blackmailer

Talking to them is stressful because They continually change the topic of conversation, they change their strategy and try to confuse the victim, until they find the weak point where they feel they can manipulate. They want to nullify the other’s opinion, placing their own as valid and true.

When we are in front of a manipulator, sensations speak louder than reason.

Read Also: The 6 basic emotions: characteristics and functions

But If we are faced with someone who is trying to do emotional blackmail, it is very common to feel uncomfortable.discomfort, frustration, indecision because on the one hand our mind can realize that something is not going well, but then on the other hand the fears and blackmail that we receive can invalidate reason and there comes a time when we feel incapable of making decisions .

Blackmailers usually boast about their lives and belongings, as they want to be seen as “heroes or saviors”, which is why people who have low self-esteem are more likely to fall into the networks of these manipulators.

Besides, They want to be the ones who dominate the conversations and the ones who are always right, they are not very flexible and have a hard time listening, they talk much more than they let people intervene. They resent being advised, as they consider it an insult to their intelligence.

And one last note, those who are used to doing emotional blackmail change mood easilybecause if they manage to manipulate they are happy, but if the victim resists, the face can transform in a matter of seconds from happy to angry.