Egosyntonic and egodystonic: do you like or dislike the way you are?

We all have our own qualities or attributes that we like and make us feel proud; and also others that make us uncomfortable, and we wish they weren’t there. It is what we call an egosyntonic and egodystonic trait or symptom respectively.

One might think that egosyntonic traits are positive (because they make us feel good) and egodystonic traits are negative (because they make us feel uncomfortable). However, this is not always so simple. There are many behaviors that cause us conflicts with the environment, even if they do not pose a problem for us. And, in the same way, there are characteristics that we harshly reject and in reality we should not have to do so.

Analyzing these aspects is an excellent way to develop ourselves personally.. And by working with our egosyntonic and egodystonic side, we can increase personal well-being and success in relationships.

Egosyntonic and egodystonic: what do these terms mean?

The term egosyntonic refers to that which is in tune with the ego, with the self.. They are, therefore, the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are congruent with what the person thinks about themselves and acceptable to their self-image. They do not cause any type of discomfort or internal conflict and it is not intended to change them.

For example, a person with narcissistic personality disorder is comfortable with his ideas of grandiosity and his unempathetic behavior. And the fact is that, although it causes pain in others or causes problems in her relationships, those thoughts and attitudes are aligned with what she thinks of herself and are congruent with her values ​​and ideals.

For his part, The term egodystonic refers to what causes dissonance with respect to the ego, the self.. They are the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are incongruent with the image that the person has of themselves, and come into conflict with the person’s values ​​and objectives. We can find many examples. From a homosexual person who experiences his orientation with guilt and shame to an individual with social phobia who suffers great discomfort due to his shyness and his tendency to avoid social situations.

However, one of the clearest examples occurs in obsessive compulsive disorder. These people usually have intrusive thoughts so contrary to their values ​​that they generate anxiety so great that it triggers the compulsion.

For example, a mother who adores her children may have the thought (while cutting bread) that she is going to attack her children with that knife. Or a person who loves her partner may be struck by the idea that she no longer feels anything and does not really love her. These thoughts are so uncertain, so contrary to the truth and the essence of these people, that anxiety triggers uncontrollably.

How are they related to the tendency to change?

Egosintonic and egodystonic are two terms widely used in the field of psychology when categorizing people’s symptoms. And the way in which each person perceives, interprets and values ​​her attitudes is decisive when seeking change.

If I am satisfied and feel comfortable with my way of being and acting, it will not occur to me that it is necessary to change anything about me. On the contrary, if that characteristic causes me discomfort or is incongruent with who I am, That discomfort will push me to make changes..

However, There are situations in which an egosyntonic trait or symptom does need to be modified.; Well, even if it doesn’t cause conflict or displeasure to the person, it is actually harming his or her life or others. For example, a person with avoidant attachment who is inadvertently destroying his relationship because he considers his “need for independence” to be normal and legitimate.

However, In other cases, the objective will not be to change the behavior, but rather the assessment we are making. of those thoughts or behaviors that disturb us. For example, the person who judges herself harshly and rejects herself for being shy may stop perceiving this trait as egodystonic if she stops being so self-demanding and adopts more flexible thinking.

Reflect on yourself

In short, if you want to know yourself better and work on yourself, you can start by analyzing your egosyntonic and egodystonic aspects. List your main qualities, thoughts and attitudes and determine if you feel comfortable or unhappy with them.

Next, analyze whether they are bringing you positive or negative repercussions. And, once you have decided to make changes, define if you need to modify your way of acting or just your way of interpreting and judging what happens.

In this process, it is very helpful to have professional support. And a qualified person can guide us in this change and even help us discover those areas that may not bother us, but do require work.

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