Do you really want just one roll?

The rolls, friendships with sex or relationships without commitment in general are increasingly common: they are low intensity loves and we accept them mainly –we tell ourselves– because they offer us many advantages:

Everything is easier. There are no coexistence problems, there is no room for jealousy or drama, they do not complicate our lives. We can continue to lead our life. They don’t take up too much time, they don’t alter our lives or schedules, they don’t lead us to make big changes. We can keep it a secret. We do not have to introduce our partner to our circle of friends or family. They can remain in hiding for months, or even years. We enjoy more freedom. We can have low intensity love completely outside of our affective networks: they are loves of little importance, loves that come and go, loves that also allow us to have other loves and other relationships.

Now, are all these facilities really what we are looking for? Or would we actually love to get a little more complicated? and live a romance full of emotions and beautiful experiences? If we delve deeper into the nature of these relationships, perhaps we will realize that we do not want them.

The problems of low intensity love

One of the first problems with this type of low-commitment relationship is that when there is not much desire to deepen and evolve, they stagnate. There comes a time when they don’t give more of themselves. It’s over.

Secondly, it must be taken into account that these calmer loves are also more superficial and boring: You see each other once a week or every two weeks, have dinner and fuck. And the next day you go on with your life so calmly, each one by his side. No more emotion.

In addition, everything works fine as long as the two people want to live a low intensity love. But, what happens when one of the two members of the couple has to adapt to the love model that the other wants? What happens when one feels intense emotions and wants to live their love relationship to the fullest but the other doesn’t? Well, it happens that suffering is assured.

One of the things that makes us suffer the most in love is not feeling reciprocated on the same level and with the same intensity: all relationships in which there is an imbalance in the desire and feelings of each one are painful.

Why do we settle for a roll?

Why do many women accept the low intensity model of love when what they want is an exciting romance? First, because many are satisfied with the crumbs they receive. But there are more reasons:

Because they expect the relationship to go further. They wait for the “romantic miracle” that will make the couple realize one fine day how valuable we are and how much they love us. This is often the case in movies. It is a trap because, normally, when the crush is not intense, it does not arise later. Because? Because love passion diminishes over time and deteriorates with conflicts, with routine, with boredom and with the desire to live new experiences. Because they don’t want to get out of their comfort zone. Low intensity love is ideal for all those people who are afraid to love, to open up, share and explore. The world is full of emotionally disabled people, so low-intensity love is perfect for all the people who don’t want to relate on a deep level, and who don’t dare to live love fully.

The consequences of accepting a low intensity love

Accept a low intensity love when in reality we would like to live another type of sentimental experience it comes at a very high cost for many of us.

We have been educated to live passionate love in the tsunami style, so living low intensity love leaves us as when you eat anything to calm your hunger, but you cannot taste the food because it has no substance.

It’s settling for what’s there, eating a dish cooked without love to fill your stomach. Without living the ecstasy that comes with a fabulous meal.

We have to control and contain our emotions. Must suppress them, hide them and comply with what is expected of us: that we do not ask for more affection, that we do not ask for more time, that we do not protest and that we do not demand what they cannot give us.

If it happens that we fall in love with that supposed roll, then we annul ourselves as people because we adapt to the loving model that the other imposes on us. We lose our spontaneity, we censor ourselves ourselves, and we even forget what we want and what we need.

This It causes us enormous frustration. because we do not feel free to feel and to express what we feel. And because we cannot build the relationship from negotiation and agreements, but from the acceptance of what they offer us.

At times rebellion arises but it is not very useful if the other person is very clear about what they want and what they need, yes We know that you prefer to break the couple than try to build a love relationship.

In many moments our self-esteem also lowers: We think that if love is of low intensity it is because we are not worth enough to awaken intense emotions in the other or to be elevated to the category of “official couple”.

So you have to think very carefully before accepting a low intensity relationship when we like the other person a lot: It hurts a lot to fall in love in those conditions, really.

Let’s be sensible: We have not come into this world to suffer, or to resign ourselves, or to endure, or to wait to see if the romantic miracle ignites the spark of love. We have come to enjoy love, affection, sex and life.

Let’s not settle for little. We deserve brave people in our lives: love is to enjoy, to grow, and to be happy.