Destructive criticism: a problem of the one who gives it, not the one who receives it

It happens that sometimes people criticize and judge without any kind of constructive intention. For some reason, there are always people who project their negativity and insecurities by judging what others do or don’t do, they say or fail to say through criticism… People who are dedicated to transmitting and disseminating what in their opinion are defects and bad examples of behavior.

To a greater or lesser extent, we have all at some point been victims and producers of judgments and destructive criticism. In fact, The practice and hobby of criticizing has reached such a magnitude that television and radio programs are currently proliferating. that are based solely on that: trying to harm people by criticizing and judging them. Nowadays, these programs are becoming more and more popular and have very high audience levels. What’s going on? Why do we criticize this way?

Understanding the mechanism of criticism can help us become aware of how this pattern of behavior works. That is why some of the main ones are presented below. reasons why people resort to attacking and harming others through judgments and non-constructive criticism.

1. Feelings of inferiority

Feelings of inferiority can be a motivation to criticize others. Other times this motivation is constituted by feelings of superiority. In this sense, For many people, the feeling of superiority is only a disguise for their feeling of inferiority.a place where they don’t feel so insecure.

Thus, they try to satisfy the need to feel powerful and superior without regard to means, even if it means passing over someone and damaging their image through criticism.

Criticizing other people gives them a feeling of well-being due to an underlying act of comparison: “I’m not like that, I’m better”. Thus, we reaffirm our personal worth through destructively criticizing others. However, all we are doing is falling into an unhealthy spiral of negative thoughts that prevent us from living life with joy and happiness.

2. Dissatisfaction with oneself

We criticize others so that our own defects are minimized in the eyes of others and ourselves. When we criticize others we deceive ourselves with the illusion that the problem is in other people and not in us. When we criticize we want to convince ourselves that others also have mistakes and that they are bigger than our own so as not to feel so bad.

Thus, when we criticize we often reflect on what bothers us about ourselves. We project our fears and insecurities. In fact, When we do not accept some of our characteristics and recognize them in others, they generate great rejection and activate criticism. This phenomenon has a name and is known as the “disowned self.”

Jealous and envious people are great generators of criticism. Feeling inferior to someone activates a defense mechanism that consists of lowering the other person’s qualities through criticism. In these cases, it is common for the defects that are seen or invented in the other person to be magnified.

3. The need to integrate into the community

The social relationships that some people have are based on criticizing others. Studies tell us that To strengthen our belonging to a group, we often tend to criticize people from different groups.. Thus, criticism, in this sense, acts as a reinforcer of that feeling of belonging towards oneself and often also towards the rest of the members of the group (ingroup).

Criticism in this sense will be highly mediated by the group’s attitude towards it.. If this is reinforced, it is most likely that they will increase in intensity and frequency. On the contrary, if rejected, the person who seeks to reinforce their feeling of belonging will try to find other paths.

Finally, when we think that we are experts in some subject, we can come to criticize others to demonstrate what we know and reaffirm our position. This is due to a lack of self-esteem and an unresolved or poorly resolved desire for admiration, in any case, unsatisfied.

4. Revenge and cowardice

One of the reasons that can lead someone to criticize another person may be the desire for revenge. There may be situations that were not fully assimilated and that remained unresolved or unforgiven. In these cases, criticism is used as a tool of humiliation and revenge.. When we have not had enough courage to tell a person something that has hurt us to their face, we resort to criticism to cover up our frustration, anger or dissatisfaction.

Criticism as revenge has a lot to do with revenge as manipulation. Sometimes criticism is done with the perverse intention of turning someone against the criticized person, to separate them from the group, isolate them…

5. Narcissism and egocentrism

When we feel entitled to special treatment or status and believe that we are not receiving it, we may feel that we are owed something. Sometimes, out of a narcissistic feeling, we subscribe to the idea of that others must put themselves at our service. When we feel that this is not the case, we can use criticism to complain, belittle and make others feel bad.

However, at this point it is worth asking ourselves, Why do we think we deserve special treatment? Why does it bother us when this deal doesn’t exist? Investigating the origin of this thought can lead us to a reconnection with ourselves that can lead us down the healthy path of humility.

Attitude towards criticism

It is unquestionable that criticism, whatever its form and whoever it comes from, is inevitable. In this sense, as Stamateas explains, the “law of three thirds“. There are a third of people who love us, another of people who hate us and another third are people who don’t know us but still think about us.

However, we must not underestimate the negative and destructive power that some criticisms can have. Winston Churchill compared criticism to the pain we can feel on a physical level. And a recent study has revealed that Experiences of rejection, criticism, and humiliation are processed by the same area of ​​the brain that is responsible for processing pain.

Better away…

To manage and live with this toxic social epidemic of destructive criticism, the most important guideline must be clear: stay away or protect yourself from contaminating people. These people are negative beings whose pattern is to poison others, which is commonly called “malmeter”.

The most sensible thing is keep our distance and even more so when they try to make us “accomplices” to the criticism. Let’s not forget that interaction with this type of people, in addition to being poor, can damage our emotional and social health. Letting their criticisms nest in our minds can give rise to a behavior that we did not have before: that of being the one who also criticizes.

Hanging out with people who criticize us takes away our energy. But we must not forget that we live in society and, sometimes, there is no choice but to put up with a co-worker who seems to only know how to criticize. Then, We must have a good dose of patience and try not to be infected by this behavior..

Ultimately, the key is don’t let yourself be contaminated and not taking it personally or being affected by criticism when we are the target of it. Let us remember that Criticism speaks more about the critic than about the criticized and that it is the other’s personal problem, not ours.

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