Couple separation anxiety, what does it consist of?

Every emotional breakup hurts to a greater or lesser extent.. Some even leave consequences. Others can be experienced in a truly pathological way. This is what happens to people who have based their relationship on absolute emotional dependence and in whose cases it is common to suffer from what we know as separation anxiety.

Until not long ago, talking about separation anxiety disorder meant focusing exclusively on childhood. It occurs in those children who experience great suffering when they are distanced from their caregivers. Events such as going to school, their parents going to work or even sleeping alone generate high anxiety and anguish.

In families with a parenting pattern based on hyperprotection, for example, these types of manifestations can be frequently seen. Now, that fear, that despair at being separated from their attachment figures, can also appear beyond childhood and adolescence. There are many adults who experience truly devastating symptoms when they see how their emotional relationship breaks down..

Excessive anxiety, fears, psychosomatic symptoms, insomnia problems, constant worry… They are states of great helplessness that require a psychological approach. Very particular. Let’s see it in detail.

Couple separation anxiety: symptoms, origin, strategies

When you love your partner, even the simple fact of being apart for a few days hurts. However, there are those who experience it in a more intense and even traumatic way.

Evolutionary psychologists point out that the couple’s bond ended up having the same significance as the one built between father-son/mother-son. In fact, even the same neurochemicals are present: oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine…

Lisa Diamond, a social psychologist at the University of Utah, explains to us in research that, in reality, There are many similarities between filial relationships and those of a couple.. We need the closeness of that beloved figure; We serve, care, worry and seek her well-being. However, sometimes this attachment can stop being healthy… and become clearly obsessive.

So much so that very problematic situations can arise on an emotional level. Those in which an anxiety disorder arises due to separation from a couple, caused above all by a brain that processes said experience as a threat, as something traumatic. The production of cortisol is immense and with it a very wide range of physical and psychological symptoms arises.

Couple separation anxiety, what exactly is it?

In many cases, we are not facing a simple anxiety situation. When it persists over time and is accompanied by a series of very specific characteristics, we would find ourselves facing separation anxiety disorder or separation anxiety.

These conditions are included in the group of anxiety disorders. in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V).

The associated manifestations are the following:

High anxiety and stress.Repeated attempts to regain contact and the relationship itself.Refusal to accept the end of the relationship.High emotional suffering and inability to mourn normally due to the end of that relationship.Difficulties falling asleep.Impossibility of recovering normality in their daily lives, to the point of not going to work.Alterations in eating (either they overeat or they stop being hungry).Psychosomatic diseases: digestive disorders, stomach pain, headaches…

What is the origin?

There are those who cope better with an emotional breakup. Others take a little longer to overcome it and a small part remains trapped in a pathological and debilitating state.

This is the case of people who suffer from separation anxiety, men and women who On average, they tend to have very specific triggers. They are the following:

Have a dependent personality. That is, basing every relationship on an excessive and disproportionate attachment to the other person. Thus, in the most extreme cases we would already be talking about a dependent personality disorder, a behavior defined by an excessive need to be cared for. This need leads them to situations of high submission. In some cases, we can also have someone with borderline personality disorder. These are cases in which the greatest concern is being abandoned, this pathological fear being the origin of the problems and disagreements. The breakup is experienced in a very traumatic way. On the other hand, we cannot ignore those people who Since childhood they have developed an anxious attachment bond. These bonds are defined by restlessness, insecurity, the need for possession, and codependency.

Separation anxiety, how is it treated?

The therapeutic approach to address anxiety due to separation from a couple It will depend on the particularity of each case. Having a person with attachment problems is not the same as having someone with borderline personality disorder. However, in most cases cognitive-behavioral therapy will be helpful for various reasons:

We will help the person to acquire coping skills to master anxiety. We will favor the management of grief due to this emotional breakup. The person will be enabled in emotional, relational and self-esteem competencies. Likewise, various aspects must be worked on to avoid building everything bond through emotional dependence.

To conclude, although it is true that breaking up a relationship is never easy, it is advisable not to go to these extremes. Assuming a passive attitude and letting sadness and the rearview mirror of memories devour us is the worst option. Let’s not hesitate to ask for expert help.

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