Compersion: feeling happiness for the happiness of another

The word compersion refers to the state of happiness produced by perceiving happiness in another.. You could say this is empathy at its finest. They say that feeling satisfaction from the happiness of another is like being happy twice; Therefore, it is a very positive and uplifting condition.

From a certain point of view, compersion is the opposite of jealousy.. In this case, we are referring to jealousy of all kinds: professional, social, emotional, sexual, etc. However, it must be clarified that not all types of jealousy are the result of discomfort from seeing another person experiencing happiness. This is only typical of narcissistic jealousy.

Maybe The type of relationship that best allows us to appreciate compersion is the one between parents and children.. In most cases, parents experience their children’s happiness as their own; They even feel happier about their achievements than about their own. In other relationships it is not easy to experience compersiveness.

Fear and the other

We reject the happiness or achievements of others only if we see some kind of threat in it.. If so, there is not only rejection, but also sadness, anger, or both at the same time, as a reaction to that happiness of the other. Why can another person’s well-being generate fear and be experienced as a risk?

It happens only if you adopt the position of seeing the other as if they were a mirror.. In other words, when we identify with that person. In that case, his achievement or his happiness immediately provokes a comparison: that someone has or experiences a well-being that we do not have or do not experience.

There the alarms go off. It’s as if that happiness It was a way of confronting our own shortcomings or limitations. The poison of all this is in looking at ourselves, from the other. If, on the other hand, we have our own autonomous perspective, we can easily separate both realities.

In that case, we do not see ourselves in the other, like a mirror, but we are clear that we are different realities and, therefore, incomparable. The threatening is also felt when we adopt the gaze from a third party: someone with authority who judges and compares. We give all the credit to that foreign vision and discomfort ensues.

Compression: what does it entail?

An autonomous person with good mental health knows that their path, as well as that of others, is unique and unrepeatable. He also understands that the evolution or happiness of others is not a personal affront nor does it put his own growth at risk. For compersion to occur, that is, not only recognizing and legitimizing the happiness of another, but also being happy about it, it takes love and maturity.

Sometimes someone’s happiness means another’s misery.. It happens, for example, in competitions: only one wins. This, however, is not a reason for discomfort when there is the ability to value the efforts and talents of others. It is known that the other did better and, therefore, deserves his victory.

The issue of compersion has been addressed, above all, in a field that is much more problematic: couple relationships. Specifically, relationships that involve polyamory. That is, the possibility of each person to have other partners without destroying the bond. Those who defend this type of relationship also indicate that it is based on compersion.

Idealization and reality

It sounds very civilized. Being happy for the co-worker when they gave him the promotion, when in principle I also had possibilities. Feeling happy because the couple had sexual relations with a third party, while I was dying of boredom in bed. Dancing with joy when your neighbor wins the lottery, even if you have to fight every day to pay your bills.

On paper, all of this can and does happen. However, the right perspective is necessary so that the compression shines in those cases. Nobody denies that it is the most reasonable behavior, and even the most profitable. The problem is that it is not easy to start it, at least in a relationship other than that of parents and children.

Perhaps it is more realistic to propose the idea of ​​better cultivating independence. Understand that the advances of others, even if one goes through a stage of stagnation or regression, really have nothing to do with one – although in certain cases they can serve as inspiration. That being generous, also recognizing the merit of others, makes us happier. That would be a good starting point.

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