CNV – Nonviolent Communication – List of Universal Human Needs

Hello friends!

Marshall Rosemberg developed Non-Violent Communication, or Compassionate Communication, so that all of us could reconnect with principles that have always been within us, but that for a series of reasons throughout life are lost.

Much research in psychology in recent decades shows that very young children (between 1 and 2 years old) tend to want to help, that is, they show compassion for those around them, even for those who are not close family members.

As I said in yesterday’s text, I will return to talk more about CNV in texts and videos, with a greater introduction to the term – non-violence and compassion – and practices to help us put these principles that reconnect us to ourselves and to others soon.

To begin to understand CNV, we have to understand the concept of universal human needs. The simplest way is that we think we have physical needs, right? All people need sleep, they need air, food, shelter (a place to protect themselves). Understanding that all people have such needs is easy.

When we move on to more “emotional” needs, questions may arise. First, read the below list of needs, I translated from Marshall’s book, Nonviolent communication, A Language of life🇧🇷

physical nutrition
• Air
• Food
• Movement
• Exercise
• Protection from life-threatening forms of life (viruses, bacteria, insects, predators)
• Rest
• sexual expression
• Shelter
• Touch
• Water

Autonomy

• Choose dreams, goals
• Choose plans to realize dreams, goals, values

To celebrate

• Celebrate the creation of life and the fulfillment of dreams
• Celebrating losses: loved ones, dreams (mourning)

Integrity
• Authenticity
• Creativity
• Sense
• Own value

Interdependence
• Acceptance
• Appreciation
• Proximity
• Community
• Consideration
• Contribution to the enrichment of life (exercising one’s power by giving what contributes to life)
• Emotional security
• Empathy
• Honesty
• Love
• Comfort
• Support
• Confidence
• Understanding
• Warmth (affection)

To play
• To have fun
• laugh

spiritual communion
• Beauty
• Harmony
• Inspiration
• Order
• Peace

What are needs?

Reading the terms on the list, I think it’s not difficult to see that all people, sometimes more or less, have such needs throughout their lives. Doubt about needs appears when we come to the way of satisfying needs. And disagreement about how to satisfy a need is the source of many conflicts between people and groups.

For example, everyone needs food. Some people choose meat as a strategy to meet this need, others are vegetarian, others are vegan.

We all need to be entertained, but some go clubbing, others prefer Netflix, and so on.

In summary, all people who have lived, are living or will live present these needs, they are universal, independent of place and culture. How to satisfy such needs, however, is incredibly varied.

By realizing that we all have the same needs, we can be more compassionate. If I want to go to the movies and my friends want to go clubbing, that’s fine. Understanding that the underlying need is identical (fun), I am able to connect with them, even though we disagree on the strategy used that Saturday night. In that sense, it’s not that we want totally different things. We want fun, but we will supply the need with different strategies.

How do we recognize our needs and those of others?

Needs are closely related to our emotions, our feelings (I will not go into the conceptual difference between emotion and feeling here, I will use it as a synonym).

Emotions that are usually classified as negative (anger, sadness) are great indications to start investigating needs. They are “negative” because they point out that one or more needs are “in the negative”.

If I really want to sit down and talk to a friend about a problem, and he arrives too late, I can feel sad – while I wait – because I’m not getting my need for understanding met.

If I’m angry, it could be that I’m hungry or it could be that I’m sleepy.

In this way, having the basic list of needs in our hands, we try to exercise the connection with what we are feeling (now or at another time) and the needs that were or were not, are or are not being met.

For example, yesterday I felt exhilarated while organizing my cognitive psychology books. If I remember this situation, I recognize:

– the feeling, the emotion (joy)
Taking the list of needs, I recognize:
– the need (order).

At this moment, I feel happy to be writing this text:
– the feeling, the emotion (happiness)
Taking the list of needs, I recognize:
– the need (creativity).

Likewise, we do this exercise by thinking about or dialoguing with a person or group of people. Remembering that needs are universal, I understand that others will also show feelings and behaviors that aim to meet or inform about their needs.

If I meet a homeless person, maybe he asks me for money to eat (need: food) or maybe he is looking to be heard (need: understanding or consideration or community).

In many social situations, it will make sense to question the person about what they really need. In other cases, the ideal will be to identify the inner need of the other in silence.

This video illustrates it well:

Conclusion

By recognizing our needs and the needs of others, many conflict situations are resolved and many problems are clarified. After all, we fight, argue, disagree not because of needs, but because of the way (strategy) used.

What are you feeling right now? Is there a need met to celebrate? Is there a need that is not being met that you need to take care of?

Is there perhaps some need for understanding about the text that has not been met?

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