Children who do not visit their parents: why is this?

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There are children who do not call their parents, who barely visit them and do not even care about their well-being. Although there are several factors that explain this reality, and may even be understandable, others are not so understandable and only generate suffering.

There are many children who do not visit their parents, who space out those meetings more and more and end up cutting the bond.. These are realities that have occurred more frequently lately and that, in many cases, cause great suffering on some of the parties.

It is true that, sometimes, this distancing is justified. However, in other cases there are factors that are difficult to explain.

The moment you become a parent, you take it for granted that you will have the affection of those children until the end of your existence. When there is an authentic commitment to them, it is assumed that the relationship will always be healthy, authentic and solid. However, in this life there is no solid guarantee of almost anything and, Sometimes, that maternal or paternal-child bond is fractured.

In those situations in which the parents do not know exactly what the distancing is due to, the uncertainty and not knowing generate great anguish. They always wait for the phone to ring. They wait for a visit that never comes. They try to contact friends of those children, hoping to hear from them or at least make sure that they are okay.

It is true that each family is a world and each person is a universe. We insist, there are behaviors that are justified. However, it is not always clear what motivates this cooling in the relationship between parents and children. And the first warning sign is when visits are reduced.

Unresolved resentments between parents and children can cause the bond to gradually break down. Visits are becoming more sporadic and there is hardly any contact by phone.

Sometimes, the problematic personality of one of the children can cause visits to become more and more spaced out.

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Why are there children who do not visit their parents?

It is a fact that, In recent years, more and more children are breaking off their relationship with their parents. The family model is changing, there is no longer such firm subordination of children to parents as evidenced, for example, in Eastern cultures such as Japan. Many times, when there are harmful dynamics or the home itself is unstructured, it is common to opt for distancing.

Now, a study published in the The Journals of Gerontology and carried out by doctors Glenn Deane and Glenna Spitz, points out a relevant fact. When children do not visit their parents and directly choose to break the relationship, there is not a single factor that explains it. Actually, There are several variables that come together in that decision.. We analyze them below.

Many children are clear that their parents (or one of them) made a mistake in their way of exercising fatherhood or motherhood. Authoritarianism or lack of attachment, for example, are dimensions that create often unbridgeable distances.

Traumatic experiences and the need to put distance

It is evident that, sometimes, the reason for not wanting to visit one’s parents has a specific origin. An upbringing and education that occurred under situations of abuse make it difficult for family harmony to exist. When children become independent from home, it is common for them to need to get away from one of those parents who left them with a deep traumatic wound.

Differences in values and continued discussions

This is a recurring fact. There are times when an adult child becomes aware that every time he visits his parents, an argument and a disagreement occur. Differences in values or even the fact that the child has not met family expectations are sources of disputes and discomfort.

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Little by little, and to avoid uncomfortable situations, visits are spaced out more frequently.

Parents who do not accept their children’s partners, or couples who do not accept their parents

One may have always been the right eye of one’s father or mother… Until one begins a relationship. Then everything falls apart. When parents do not accept the life partners their children choose, the relationship becomes a battlefield.

They insist that they “deserve better” and that sooner or later ends with a cooling of the bond. Likewise, another fact may also occur. Sometimes, the children’s partners are the ones who do not tolerate or do not have good harmony with the parents of the loved one. This tension in the couple with the in-laws can translate into a radical decision: stop visiting.

Children with mental problems or difficult personalities

There is another highly complex reason that explains why children do not visit their parents. One can have several children and have good harmony with all of them, except one. A difficult, complex and even challenging personality can strengthen the bond between parents and children.

On the other hand, we cannot rule out mental problems either. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and even addictions, for example, may be behind this lack of family visits.

There are always children with problematic characters that create tensions in the family. It is common that, sometimes, they can go long periods without seeing their parents.

Tensions between siblings and parents with selective love for children

Golden (or favorite) children are the reason for highly complex dynamics within a family. When parents favor only one of the children and the others feel discriminated against, distancing is often chosen. They are situations full of resentment due to selective affection on the part of the parents.

Sometimes, work or relationships can cause parents and children to live separated by distance. Visits are sporadic, but contact is frequent.

Read Also: Vulnerability is also a psychological value

Children who do not visit their parents for justifiable reasons, but who are in contact

There are children who do not visit their parents because it is not possible for them.. Living in other communities, cities and even countries makes it difficult to have such enriching physical encounters. Work and having a family of one’s own also mean that these visits are sometimes more sporadic than one would like.

However, Despite the distance, children who love their parents are always in touch. There is always a daily call to ask a “How are you, mom? How was your day, dad?” Those gestures and that need to know about each other keeps the bond strong despite the kilometers.

Children who ignore their elderly parents, a harsh reality

There is a bloody and also hidden fact that, sometimes, happens in our society. There are children who ignore their parents when they need them most.. The visits stop taking place, the telephone stops ringing and the elderly adult is plunged into loneliness and abandonment.

What is behind this reality? Once again, we insist that these are facts in which many variables come together. Sometimes, when parents become increasingly dependent, children see it as a burden to take care of them.. They wait for social services to respond, for the community to play the role they do not want to assume. Time passes and no one acts…

They are portraits of that grayer reality of our society that we should never tolerate. Beyond the relationship we have with our parents, there is humanity and the need to provide assistance when they cannot take care of themselves. Let’s think about it.