Children can be toxic too

The little ones in the house are sometimes rebellious and it takes a lot of work to make them adapt and respect the rules. However, sometimes children cause serious problems for their parents, who are overwhelmed and overwhelmed by the behaviors they exhibit. When the relationship between parents and children deteriorates, we may be facing toxic children, also known as tyrants.

The home then becomes a hostile environment. in which parents already break a sweat just by crossing the doorstep. They know that behind her there will be a demanding, tyrannical, hostile son and that he will try to subjugate them so that they do what he wants. But, the more parents try to impose themselves, the more defensive the child becomes.

Toxic children, how to recognize them?

It is necessary not to confuse those toxic children with those who maintain behaviors appropriate to their age. and the fruit of a totally natural rebellion. To achieve this, there are some characteristics that, if they appear, must be nipped in the bud, since limits are very necessary to prevent children from becoming true tyrants. In this sense, there are flexible limits and said flexibility always has to have a point at which rigidity appears.

One of the first attitudes to which we have to set limits are defiant ones, those that challenge parents to enter into a game of constant aggression and hostility. Violation of rules, failure to comply with punishments or duties, are warning signs to take into account..

Also, It is necessary to open your eyes to any sign of wanting to command or order one of the parents.. The fact that they are allowed to decide what time to eat or when to watch television because if not, they will fly into a rage or break up is something that should not be allowed from the first hint of this type of behavior. Other warning signs What we should not overlook are the capricious attitudes, the lack of empathy towards others, the low tolerance for frustration they show and the tendency to try to manipulate to achieve their goals.

Toxic children are the result of poor upbringing in which they have been spoiled. Not setting limits, falling into their blackmail and allowing them to hold a power that, due to age and maturity, did not correspond to them. The parents have the power and the children try to take it over, gain independence, and this is a tension in which many parents fail because they feel incapable of sustaining it. Then they give in and the task goes from difficult to very complicated, from needing one kg of energy to requiring a ton.

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Many times parents are the cause

ANDIn most cases, parents are the cause of this toxicity present in their children, no matter how harsh it may sound.. Due to spoiling them by overprotecting them, not setting limits, believing themselves to be their friends and not spending quality time with them, the result is devastating.

However, all this has a solution. A more complicated solution than before, which will require greater intelligence and in many cases help from a competent professional. that helps parents redraw those limits and provides them with strategies to enforce them. Limits adapted to the situation, to the level of maturity of the child and directed in principle towards specific behaviors.

So, clear and coherent limits will begin to be set that cannot be questioned or exceeded. It is important not to try to ensure that these are fulfilled based on rewards, but that their compliance is reinforced with social recognition, for example.

Doing it with prizes or offering rewards could open up a new form of manipulation on the part of the adolescent., which would only respect limits when there was a prior promise of loot. They have to learn that there does not always have to be an extrinsic motivation for behaviors, that in many cases the benefit of them lies in being able to perform them. How to help someone and make them feel useful; a benefit that, on the other hand, will be very difficult for them to intuit, so the ideal is for them to experience it.

Without a doubt, it will be essential to focus on the positive and improve communication with them. This way we can know the origin of the attitude they have. Maybe they feel hurt because we are absent too much and their way of behaving is their way of punishing our absence. Let’s communicate with them and understand them… understanding has nothing to do with being permissive parents.

The important thing when dealing with toxic children is not to lose control. Because of our responsibilities and our worries we overlook the needs of children who cry out for love, affection and quality time. When they misbehave to get attention or as a result of poor parenting, what do we do? We punish them even more with fights, recriminations and phrases, or we go to the other extreme and reinforce that behavior, giving them at that specific moment what they demand.

With patience, love and not avoiding the challenges, fascinating at the same time, that the education of a child demands of us, we will be in a position to remove that toxicity. which many children get when they have more power than their share. They are going to love it and our task is to maintain it, no matter how tired we get from work or how little we want to endure a tantrum. It is in the fate of these first struggles that the destiny of the discussions we have with them when they enter adolescence will begin to be shaped.

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Images courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli