Betrayal, an oversized wound

For many people, betrayal is an unforgivable act., which causes a large wound and usually leaves deep marks. So much so, that the subject has become almost taboo. After a betrayal there is nothing to talk about, because everything has already been said. Apparently, nothing justifies it and nothing repairs it.

However, That radicality sometimes does not allow us to see certain nuances that are important. For example, there are times when we describe something as treason that really is not. Or that we could come to judge excessively harshly some inconsistencies of others, which in reality do not generate that much damage, beyond feeling that they disappointed some of our expectations.

It takes coldness and maturity to give betrayal its true place. It is obvious that it is not pleasant for anyone to experience bewilderment because we expected someone to act in a certain way and they did not. That disappointment that is generated many times has more to do with ourselves than with the other person’s way of acting.

What is betrayal?

We talk about betrayal when someone breaks their word or is not faithful to a previously agreed pact. Etymologically, the word “traitor” comes from Latin traditor either traditoris, which means ‘one who hands someone over to the other side’. As you see, it is a word that comes from military tradition. And, strictly speaking, it would be something like handing over the enemy.

In everyday life, we speak of betrayal when someone who is apparently in our favor suddenly says something or acts in a way that goes against us. We thought he was on our side and suddenly he reveals himself which is not like that.

However, that “being on our side” is sometimes very ambiguous as is “being against us”. Being on our side can mean a thousand things, from being complicit in our mistakes to respecting our integrity. Likewise, being against us is something that can range from denouncing our faults to trying to destroy us, including not responding to our expectations.

Pacts and betrayal

When there is a friendly or loving bond, it is very common for the eastern limits to be blurred. Both assume that there are some agreements or commitments, but they rarely make them explicit. Basically it is considered that, if the link is positive, then there will be no room for harm.

But as we pointed out before, the issue of what hurts is sometimes very subjective. The most typical case is that of the famous “love betrayal”. The question in this circumstance is: does the loving pact mean maintaining the feeling regardless of any circumstance? Perhaps that is the intention, but it must be seen that it is a very difficult objective to achieve.

It is because feelings have their cycles. Sometimes they manage to decant and transform positively. Other times, they simply become diluted or become something negative. In this area there are no certainties, no matter how much it is assured that they do.. It is possible that in honor of a commitment the bond is maintained, but this does not mean that feelings have not changed.

So Someone may feel let down and betrayed when their partner’s feelings change.. The question that arises here is whether the problem lies with those who eventually experience a feeling differently, and act accordingly, or with those who hope that this never happens.

Facts and circumstances

Many people claim that they are capable of understanding any change in their partner’s feelings, as long as they are sincere and explain them in time. Reality shows us that this rarely happens. If one of the two is in love and the other stops loving, it is very difficult for the person who continues to love to assimilate this asymmetry.. Much more so when there is already attraction for a third party.

That is why it is not unusual for what is happening to be hidden. The real intention is not to deceive, but to evade the feeling of guilt for the damage caused to the other or the storm that this can unleash.. Of course, there are also cynics or manipulators who enjoy playing with the feelings of others, but in reality they are a minority.

The truth is that it could do us a lot of good to become a little more flexible regarding the issue of betrayal, or what we loosely call betrayal.. In this case, the circumstances are usually more important than the facts themselves. It is possible that behind what we call betrayal there is only an other that does not always coincide with what we expect or desire.

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