Being different: necessity, cross or virtue?

Each one of us is unique and unrepeatable. No two personalities are the same. We all have a different way of feeling, acting, thinking, and making decisions. A combination of genetic and environmental variables – our past history, our experiences and context, among others – determine our way of being. What does it mean, for you, to be different?

Being different can be perceived as positive or negative depending on the moment in life and the moment of development in which we find ourselves.

Despite being one, there are times in life when we will fight to be as similar to others as possible. However, there will be other times when differentiating yourself from the rest is crucial for proper psychological development. And you, do you consider yourself different? In what? Do you like being one or do you consider it important?

Being different: a need since we are babies

On the one hand, psychologist Margaret Mahler developed a model of developmental stages. After the symbiotic phase, in which the child is not yet able to understand himself as a being different from his mother, we move on to the separation-individuation phase. This phase is decisive for the acquisition of one’s own identity, to understand oneself as a unique being.

In this phase, two processes take place (which give this phase of development its name). The Separation is the process by which the child achieves intrapsychic distinction with the motherwhile the individuation process is the feeling of being, from which the child assumes his own individual characteristics.

On the other hand, René Spitz describes the organizers of the child’s psyche: the smile, the anguish in front of the stranger and the “no”. The “no” of the dreaded 2 years. As annoying as this stage of constant opposition may be, It is a necessary stage for its maturation and development.

This constant denial is due to the fact that the child has begun to identify himself as being different and independent. It is necessary so that the child can begin to have consciousness as an individual being. In a way, this also happens in adolescents.

In adolescence, being different can be a cross

Adolescence is a vital time in which we pay special attention to our peers. The fear of difference that is not accepted or discriminated against appears. It is a stage in which fitting in with the group is one of the main motivations; As a rule, it greatly influences how the adolescent forms his or her self-concept.

Despite this, Teenagers constantly live with the illusion that they are unique. This is what is known as a personal fable.. David Elkind described this process as the adolescent’s feeling of being unique or different from others. This leads to the belief that her thoughts and beliefs are different from those of everyone else.

Elkind described another phenomenon that may also be related to the importance given to not being different or to being different. It is the imaginary audience, which is an intense concern about the image that is projected to others, to the image that others have of him. They have the perception that they are constantly observed by others.

Given the sensation of being the focus of constant analysis, What is expected is that many of them, especially those who have low self-esteem or a poor self-concept, will do everything possible to go unnoticed.for being from the crowd, for not being different, since being different can be perceived in a negative way and lead to rejection behavior by their peers.

Neither necessity, nor cross… it is a great virtue!

Sometimes, when we are young, we also feel the need to be different, and thank goodness! Show that particular part of the identity that is forming It is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. and to others, since it is the greatest example of sincerity. In addition, it increases creativity and facilitates decision making.

To be different It allows you to appreciate diversity to a greater extent and adapt to it. It makes you more flexible and open.

Defending your own ideas, even if they are different from those of the rest, allows you grow and develop being faithful to your principles and with very strong self-esteem and self-confidence. Being unique is a gift and, as such, we should learn to appreciate it. It is one of the greatest virtues a person can have.

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