Are you a superficial person in love? 12 ways to avoid it

It may be that you have noticed a pattern in your behavior when choosing the guys for your dates.

And the truth is that, who is not attracted to someone handsome?

But it may be that you have reached a point where you wonder if you are a superficial person in love.

You could sometimes feel frivolous and that what matters most to you are appearances.

Perhaps you think that this could be the reason why you are unlucky in love.

There are so many nice people that you ignored simply because they didn’t seem like your type or because you didn’t find them attractive enough.

To be honest, being a little more open can definitely widen your chances in love.

At the end of the day we know that beauty is not everything. And a deep connection with someone goes far beyond how they may look.

In this article, we will talk about everything you need to know.

12 Ways You Can Avoid Being Shallow When Dating

1) Do not make appearance the main priority

It seems redundant, I know, but it is necessary to emphasize this point.

Of course you need to be attracted to your date, there is no doubt that dating someone you are not physically attracted to would not result in anything good.

I’m not saying you should date a 2/10 on your attractiveness scale because that could create problems later.

But instead of only dating people you consider an 8 to 10, you can give a chance to a 5 who also has a great personality.

Outer beauty is just one of the many qualities you can look for in a partner.

Intelligence can also be very attractive, a good sense of humor, common values, among a thousand other characteristics.

You should try to expand your definition of beauty. Question your tastes and, above all, question your standards in a relationship.

Everyone is attractive in their own way and it may be wise to avoid writing people off simply because they don’t measure up to society’s beauty standards.

2) Think long term

If you worry too much about appearance and forget everything else, it’s time to remember that appearance fades over time. I regret to tell you that you are not exempt from it either.

Even people who were exceptionally beautiful in their 20s will probably look normal when they hit 50.

And even if you find someone attractive today, they will start to lose that aesthetic over time. Trust me, even the prettiest girl or the most handsome boy in the world would become ordinary in our eyes if we see them every day.

Putting an extreme example so that you understand the perspective:

What if your partner who you love suddenly gets burned in the face? Would you stop loving him?

It’s who the person is that really matters.

Can you learn to look beyond the physical and see the soul of the other?

That is where you will find true beauty.

3) Understand and respect differences of opinion

Everyone has their point of view. And not everyone always agrees.

Obviously when you meet someone new you may have differences and there could be some non-negotiable opinions for you.

After all, opinions are more than “just” opinions: they are very personal things, and they shape our outlook on life.

And that’s why when you’re talking to someone, it’s important to try to understand their opinions and why they think a certain way. At the end of the day we are the result of everything we have experienced and each one is unique thanks to that.

Share your own honest opinions too. After all, it is the best way to get to know each other more intimately.

Closing yourself off from the possibility of a second date, just because you have different opinions about something, is a guarantee that it will be difficult for you to find true love.

Now, if you just can’t find any middle ground and there are too many non-negotiable differences between the two of you, then it’s perfectly fine to find another date.

But you should at least try one more time. After all, a night out and a few drinks are always a good idea.

4) Don’t judge too quickly. Question your definition of “stupid”

If he makes a bad joke or says “I like watching reality TV” and you automatically think he’s stupid, you’re being shallow.

What if your date, who says he likes reality TV, is also an entrepreneur and has a spiritual side you don’t know about, or is helping children in Africa?

Fortunately, you can be smart and still enjoy “shallow” or shallow things. Don’t be quick to judge.

Sure, your date may not know anything about the contemporary art you’re passionate about, but there are also plenty of other things you don’t know anything about.

Don’t you think it’s better to focus on what you can learn from the other than to see what you don’t like? Give it time to surprise you.

5) Listen more, talk less

Sometimes it may be tempting to interrupt and talk over people. Sometimes we get excited and can’t wait to share our experience on a topic. Keep in mind that it may seem like you’re assuming you know exactly what the other person is saying, or that it just isn’t worth listening to.

I have something to tell you about it: don’t do it.

Superficial people are usually not that interested in listening to others. Many believe that they already understood everyone and know everything.

That is why they are so superficial: they are blinded to the depth and nuances that exist in people.

This is especially important in dating.

Keep your mouth shut when you feel the need to interrupt and explain. Listen to the other, ask questions and, in fact, think for more than a second about what you are going to say.

This way, you’ll have a deeper understanding of exactly what kind of person this guy you’ve dated is.

6) Do not judge by social status

We live in a critical world, which has been filled with too many things to judge people.

Education, wealth, race, interests and even the very family they come from.

Sometimes, when we receive advice, from family, friends, about who to date and who to avoid, you can hear things like “don’t date someone from a family with few resources” or “don’t hang out with someone who hasn’t finished college” and that, honestly, is just wrong.

You should be judging people on their own merits, not whether they have a college degree to their name or come from a poor background.

After all, just because someone has a degree doesn’t mean they’re smart.

And the opposite is also true: just because someone hasn’t set foot in college doesn’t mean they’re dumb.

The same goes for wealth. Some people who were born in the cradle of gold know so little about money that they will become poorer and poorer over time.

Similarly, some people who are born poor have been through so much that they know so much more and might even be destined to become billionaires.

7) Stop comparing

It can be tempting to look at a guy you’ve been out drinking with, or even your current partner, and compare them to other people you know. It’s actually best to avoid doing it.

When you’re with someone, your intention should be to get to know them for who they are and understand them.

And when you keep comparing them to other people, you’re not really doing that.

What you do when you compare is try to see how well they fit into a certain “mold” that you have defined for them. Or what is worse, a mold that someone else has defined for you.

Imagine that someone you are dating tells you that they like wine.

Based on your alcohol-related experiences, you might think that if your date drinks a little too much, they must be an alcoholic like your father was.

But clearly that is not necessarily the case, and what you should do is try to understand his love for wines or realize that maybe he was very nervous about his meeting with you.

There is also a small probability that he is also a drunk, it can happen. But it is more possible that you like to taste good wine and from time to time get excited about it.

8) Take rumors with a grain of salt

Giving too much importance to rumors is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.

People like to talk. If you’ve played broken telephone as a child, you know how it works. Every time it’s retold, the story gets more and more distorted.

Lies become truths, speculations become accusations.

Never trust rumors and do your best to stay away from gossip. Engaging in such behavior will only lead to paranoia and persecution. If you let your mind dominate you, it will erode the trust between you and your guy.

What you should do if you ever hear something particularly disturbing is try to verify the truth yourself, or ask directly.

We have all surely suffered the rumors in our own flesh. I remember when I was working in a big corporation years ago, someone thought it was a good idea to say that I bragged about dating the director of the company. That hurt me for years in the company when it was an invented lie. And not to mention if he had had a partner at that time and he believed that this was true. You already get the point.

9) Meet many people

A very effective way to stop being superficial is to have a more open mind. And one of the best ways to become more open is to get out and meet people.

Expand your horizons and try to meet, understand and befriend people from all walks of life.

And if you want to go further, travel. The value that traveling can bring to your life is inexplicable, you expand your horizons so much and get to know other cultures that you have no alternative but to open your mind.

It’s also good for exposing you to perspectives and ideas that are directly opposed to your own.

This will help you understand why these people think differently and you will know where their views come from.

And if you ever have preconceptions about certain people, you always have the opportunity to clear them up and find out what they really are like.

As you broaden your horizons, you get more opportunities to get to know people really and deeply.

You will see how it will be easier for you to exercise compassion and forgiveness, and to understand and connect with all kinds of people.

So when you date people, you’ll be able to more easily control when you don’t like something or someone because they have such different perspectives than you do.

And instead of walking away or getting into a heated argument, you can offer your date an intelligent discussion.

10) Do not be obsessed with the opinion of the rest

Never let the opinion of others dictate your relationships. You can’t get more superficial than that.

I mean discarding a person because your friends think they’re overweight, not cool enough, or because they think they’re ugly and way below your level.

I remember a play I saw once ago…