Are children of divorced parents more likely to get divorced?

Statistics show us that divorce is increasingly common and that 55% of young people under 30 who get divorced are children of divorced parents. How can young people avoid repeating that pattern?

The family largely determines the way we will approach life, marriage and commitment. This causes children of divorced parents to feel worried or insecure about how their parents’ relationship will affect their own marriages.

Statistics on the effects of divorce on children are inconclusive, since their success and failure rates are balanced. What is clear is that Parental divorces can give children the key to achieving happiness and a stable marriage.

What do the experts say?

As a result of so many separations, it is common to find modern couples where one of the two members comes from a family with divorced parents. In these cases, it is valid to ask whether the separation of the parents will influence their relationships and, if so, how it does so.

Regarding this, several experts have expressed their point of view and this is what they say.

According to Nicholas Wolfinger, professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of the book Understanding the Divorce Cycle: Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages, states that the risk of divorce is 50% higher when one of the spouses comes from a separated home; and this increases three times more when both come from this type of family.

Furthermore, Wolfinger adds that children of divorced parents are 50% more likely to marry another child of divorce.

For his part, Bradford Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project and Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia, states that Parental divorce is not a decisive factor in marital failure. In fact, some children of separated parents avoid long-term relationships while others try to make their commitment work.

Quoting Wilcox:

In contrast, William J. Doherty, professor in the Department of Family Social Sciences at the University of Minnesota, states that A failed marriage could lead children to marry at an early agesince they have a greater enthusiasm to take that step.

Finally, Helen Fischer, anthropologist and dating portal expert Match.com, states that Parental separation can help children strengthen their relationships. Well, these are more likely to avoid a problematic or toxic relationship.

Besides, Fisher defends that children of divorced parents tend to be stronger and overcome obstacles fastereither. They also take more time to determine if marriage is the best option for them.

How to avoid marital failure?

As we see, there are different positions on the subject. But the truth is that various factors influence marital relationships, which It is complex to determine whether their success or failure is due to a single variable.

In this case, factors such as:

Emotional maturity of the members of the couple. The strength of the relationship before getting married. The good management of marital conflicts through effective communication. The conception of marriage that each member tends to (disparities in this area can generate greater conflicts ), etc.

In addition, It is important to be aware that the history of the parents does not have to be repeated in the marriage of the children.. To do this, we advise you to take the following into account.

Be ready for marriage

The chances of success or failure of your marriage depend a lot on what happens in the past. Children of divorced parents often learn that divorce is the easy way to deal with a situation..

Therefore, before getting married they should question the reasons that could lead them to end up in a divorce. If you really feel ready to face adverse and inconvenient situations with your partner, then you are ready for marriage.

It is advisable to do this exercise as a couple, that way you will feel greater security and confidence that you are at the same level of commitment and understanding.especially if it is the case that both are children of divorced parents.

The conversation should be open and honest about what commitment means to them and they should be sure they know and understand the problems that exist in the relationship and what could arise and affect it.

Change the dialogue with your partner

No matter how much you hated your parents’ fights, some of the harmful examples may have stuck with you as normal.. A son who has seen his father leave the discussion in the middle may feel insecure and anxious if the need arises to talk to his partner about sensitive topics.

To avoid this, first You must identify the bad habits that you saw in your parents and look for them in yourself. Remember that, as a child of divorced parents, these behaviors have been learned so you should not feel guilty, but learn to avoid them. It is important that you carry out this process openly and with a lot of communication with your partner.

Maintain honesty

If you feel that you are repeating the negative patterns that you saw in your parents before, during or after their divorce, do not blame yourself or try to avoid them.. This will only bring you bigger problems and doubts.

Instead, define those patterns, talk honestly with your partner, and find a solution together.marriage

Divorced parents sometimes become so immersed in their pain and problems that they ignore how their children are feeling. They, as children, are absorbing a large amount of information that may cause them to also end up going through a similar experience in the future.

Talking openly with them, not trying to use them to manipulate the couple, not trying to make them hate their father or mother, will be necessary so that they can go through this separation situation without it causing any trauma. It is the responsibility of divorced parents to prevent this from being a bad experience for the children. They also suffer in this situation.

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