Afflictive emotions: the weight that stops our happiness

Afflictive or negative emotions are part of our emotional register. They act as real weights capable of slowing down our growth, filling our minds with adverse and unhelpful thoughts to lead us adrift into dangerous discouragement. Something as important as naming these states and removing power from them will help us move forward with greater integrity.

Envy, frustration, anger, resentment, guilt, disappointment… Most of us know what these states taste like, we know what it feels like to live with them and how much space they occupy in our lives if we feed them. Thus, as Dr. James Gross, psychologist at Stanford University and one of the exponents of emotional management, explains to us, afflictive or negative emotions are like tendrils of evil (they grow from the darkest areas of our being). .

Tendrils are a type of climbing plants that tend to cling to anything within reach. Gross points out that The more power we give to these emotional states, the more tendrils will grow around us. to leave us, little by little, completely immobilized. It is clear, therefore, that it is not easy to free oneself from them; In fact, it is not enough to just tear them off.

Afflictive or negative emotions will stop growing when we stop feeding them. It’s that simple. Achieve it, learn to navigate with this type of internal processes It requires that we sow the seeds of self-regulation within ourselves.

Afflictive emotions vs. constructive emotions

Afflictive emotions are differentiated from non-afflictive ones by the effect they have on us.. In this way, constructive emotions are those that allow us to feel calm, encouraged and serene; Therefore, they boost our well-being and help us act in a more balanced way.

In other words, Afflictive emotions can make us sick, dull our personal relationships, affect our self-esteem and harm our personal growth.; while constructive ones do the opposite.

Despite this, we must emphasize that guilt, envy, frustration, anger, sadness… and other distressing emotions play an important role in our lives. Let’s see it in detail.

Afflictive emotions have an important place in our lives

We are aware that in terms of emotional psychology It is very common to attribute that negative and almost “pathological” role to afflictive emotions.. Hence, for example, there is no shortage of classic self-help articles and books designed to help us “eliminate or eradicate” such states. It should be noted that this idea is not entirely correct.

As we have pointed out, these dimensions are part of our emotional register. We cannot simply uproot these “tendrils of evil” if the earth itself, in its magical diversity, is characterized by housing all types of species. In this way, dimensions as basic as sadness, fear, disappointment or anger are also part of who we are, and something like this cannot be eradicated. We cannot deny those emotions that are therefore part of the essence that defines us.

The key lies in two very basic aspects: understanding and regulating. Knowing that they exist, giving them a name, understanding and managing these negative emotions is the best thing we can do to regulate our behavior.

The witch who should have been invited too

We all know the story of Sleeping Beauty. In this traditional story, the protagonist’s parents organized a party to celebrate her birth. In the kingdom they had thirteen wise women, with thirteen figures endowed with magical arts and great power. However, they chose to invite only twelve of them because there was one in particular characterized by her bad temper and difficult treatment.

The invitation did not reach her and the kingdom imagined that such a decision would not bother her. However, The thirteenth lady, skilled in dark arts, did feel wronged, and as punishment she cast the curse that we already know on the little girl.. One of the morals that we can learn from the classic story of Sleeping Beauty is that it was easier for everyone to live with those good fairies, with those twelve kind, optimistic, loving and happy women who were always treated so well.

Inviting the darkest witch to the table, also giving that complex figure a chair, would have been an act of inclusion and responsibility.. The way they treated her is very similar to what we ourselves do with afflictive emotions: deny them, pretend they don’t exist. And the result of such an act is almost always terrible and very harmful.

We forget that emotions, good and bad, are simple guests. Sometimes some visit us and others leave. Sometimes the less pleasant ones arrive, but as such, we are also obliged to receive them and live with them, but without giving them excessive power and without allowing their stay to be too long…

Controlling distressing emotions as a key to well-being

Emotions must have an adaptive value. That is, they must make it easier for us to adapt to each circumstance of our daily life. Thus, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Maryland remind us that being skilled in emotional regulation allows us to function effectively in any context and social situation.

Therefore, It is recommended that we become excellent managers of these complex internal dimensions. Going through them without vetoing them, denying them or tearing them out of our emotional register is key to our well-being. Let’s see how to achieve it:

Afflictive emotions often appear with a somatic marker: physical discomfort, discomfort… We must detect them, as well as the rumor of those negative thoughts that accompany them. Understand why they appear and what they want to tell you. Give yourself time: go through them in a relaxed way. Meditation can help you.Channel them and express them. Talk to someone, use therapeutic writing, do some sport to release your tension.Find a strategy to solve them. Don’t leave the discomfort you feel today until tomorrow, be proactive with your emotions.

To conclude, let us certainly not forget the most important recommendation: afflictive emotions are mere guests. As they arrive, many of them will leave. Let’s not give permanent spaces to those who, in a short time, can appropriate everything.

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