Adults also have tantrums (emotional tantrums)

When we hear the words tantrum either tantrum, Most of us imagine a 2 or 3 year old child lying on the ground and screaming. However, adults have tantrums too. Sometimes, they “lose” their emotionsbeing unable to translate that frustration, envy, disappointment into words…

For behaviorism, that current of psychology that studies human behavior based on stimuli and responses, tantrums are clearly maladaptive behaviors. They lead to nothing. However, the fact that they do not lead to anything concrete (or anything really useful) does not mean, by any means, that these dynamics do not have a meaning behind them. On the contrary, these emotional tantrums express a very rich message in content.

Between the ages of two and 4, tantrums are a normal part of a child’s emotional development. They are little more than that obligatory challenge that every mother and father must learn to manage calmly and effectively. Now, sometimes we forget that The simple fact of growing up and becoming adults does not automatically give us the ability and maturity to recognize and control our emotions.

So much so, that we could say, almost without error, that Around us there are many adults with the emotional intelligence of 3-year-old children. If they did not have a good sense of self in their childhood, if they did not have adequate help to channel and understand their own emotional universes, the usual thing is that they go through the years dragging the same burden.

Adults Have Helplessness Tantrums Too

The tantrum, tantrum or emotional tantrum constitutes an exaggerated reaction to a frustrating situation. Children, for example, usually express anger through screaming, crying, kicking and a clear lack of emotional control. There are different intensities, but what we always perceive are clearly disproportionate behaviors and a deficit in communication and in the management of emotions and impulses.

In adults (on average), these tantrums do not lead to physical attacks, there are no kicks, hits or bites. Furthermore, in most cases they can even go unnoticed in their immediate surroundings.

Let’s take an example. Claudia works at a law firm and is used to success. Every time she achieves a goal she is rewarded with a bonus. Now when they are your companions When they achieve that recognition, Claudia can’t stand it.. She doesn’t lie down, she doesn’t scream, in fact… she doesn’t say anything.

Our protagonist just goes to the bathroom to cry. Because she does not tolerate that at any given moment her colleagues surpass her. Because her jealousy eats away at her and she doesn’t know how to handle that discomfort. Adults have “tantrums,” but let’s make no mistake about one aspect. These emotional explosions, if they are genuine, do not seek to manipulate anyone, nor do those of children..

Adults with frequent tantrums, what’s behind them?

Not everyone vents their tantrums in private, like Claudia does. It is also common to find those profiles that do not hesitate to shape a complete scene. There are screams, objects are thrown to the ground and, worst of all, that aggressiveness where insults and lack of respect can appear.. Now, but… What is behind these behaviors?

We said it at the beginning. In most cases, the tantrum is a demonstration of a clear emotional immaturity, a lack of a sense of self that allows one to better manage frustrations, the disappointments. However, we cannot leave aside other realities that every good professional should consider with an adequate diagnosis.

Adults have tantrums too, but Those who show them recurrently may have a personality disorder.some bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorders, narcissistic personality disorder, etc. Post-traumatic stress can also be behind this behavior. People with an autism spectrum disorder also show these behaviors.

I am an adult who has “tantrums”, what can I do?

Let’s think for a moment about our lawyer. Let’s put ourselves in her place and her difficulty when it comes to asking for help. How do you say out loud that her emotions completely overcome her when her peers get recognition from her and she doesn’t? How can you recognize it if, in addition, her own anger makes you ashamed? She feels like she shouldn’t feel that way, but she doesn’t know how to deal with it.

When we are adults, it is very difficult to talk about jealousy, about the frustration that certain situations create in us.… However, nothing can be more positive than taking the step and asking for professional help. We will feel freer, more capable and secure on a daily basis.

Let’s now reflect on a series of strategies that can help us in these cases. Simple keys with which to improve our capacity for self-control, not feeding these types of emotions with our behavior.

Steps to better manage your emotional tantrums

Review your expectations. If adults also have tantrums, it is because they sometimes have an unrealistic view of certain situations. They expect certain recognitions, reinforcements, benefits or achievements that are not reasonable.Don’t inhibit negative emotions or let them explode: channel them constructively. Every time you experience frustration, let it manifest itself in another way. No screams, no tears, no anger. Find a support to express it: talk to someone, play sports, paint, write…Identify those key situations that generate your tantrums or tantrums (envy, not having what you want at work, in your relationships…). Once those situations are identified, work on them. Create an internal dialogue, an action plan with which to act in an adjusted, mature and emotionally intelligent way when they appear again.

To conclude, we know that adults have tantrums too. What’s more, we may even have had them on occasion. Thus, if there is something that we will undoubtedly remember about them, it is that they are not exactly pleasant. They generate discomfort, create very uncomfortable environments and we gain nothing. Therefore, It is time to work on our emotions, to give them new outlets and resources that make us feel more competent..

You might be interested…