9 steps to minimize the pain when ending a relationship

Ending a relationship is not easy. But if something doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Still, it hurts. That is why it is important that trying to end that relationship hurts as little as possible. The way you say it, the place chosen or the moment are key to making it as least traumatic as possible for both parties.

Preparing to break the news to someone else involves a state of anxiety and stress that can be terrifying. In fact, many people extend the relationship because they do not know how to face this situation and this fear. But the more time passes, the more difficult and terrifying it becomes to break up.

Ending a relationship is always painful, but here are some ways to lessen that pain. These strategies involve knowing how to manage emotions and not getting carried away by circumstances, as well as having thought very well about why.

1. Meet your partner to talk

The first thing you have to do is tell your partner that you want to talk, but without implying that you have intimate plans for that moment. If the other person is thinking about one thing and comes across another, the news will hit them like a bomb whose effects you cannot predict.

This means something very obvious: To end a relationship you must meet your partner personally. Do not send him messages via cell phone or email, or tell him on the phone. These are very cruel ways to end a relationship, and doing so will not make you suffer any less.

2. Make sure you are not going to be interrupted

When you meet your partner to end the relationship, do it in a place and time where you will not be interrupted. That means not being in a place visible to everyone, where anyone can appear to tell you something.

Besides, Staying where someone can see you can be very embarrassing due to the emotional response that the other may have or by the attitude he or she may adopt. In fact, this reaction can be much more violent when there is an audience.

3. Communicate assertively

Stay calm and communicate assertively. This type of communication is based on a positive attitude of respect, in which you can express your reasons and evaluations without disqualifying the other person, or overriding their rights. To be assertive when ending a relationship, keep in mind:

Express your reasons with respect. Show understanding of what the person feels. Do not invalidate her emotions.Treat her with respect and dignity.Allow yourself to listen and be heard.Be polite and honest.Avoid reproaching or attacking.Express what you have to say without belittling or devaluing.

4. Avoid highly emotional moments

Choosing the right moment to end a relationship is also important. In fact, Sometimes it is better to wait, so as not to get carried away by pain, frustration, anger or sadness. that may have generated the relationship situation or any other event. It is best to wait until you are calm and have a clear mind, to convey seriousness and not to take things out of context.

5. Control your emotions

You can’t predict the other person’s reaction when you end a relationship, and you won’t like it. That’s why You have to get used to the idea that you have to know how to control your emotional response.

You must be aware that, To avoid the pain of the breakup, you have to avoid pity reactions. You also have to avoid contradictory messages or comfort the other. This will make the situation even more difficult.

6. Don’t blame or criticize the other

To minimize the pain of the breakup It is important that you avoid blaming or criticizing others.. That will put you on the defensive, which will make the conversation even more difficult. Instead, approach the problem as something of both of you. Expressions like “this doesn’t work anymore” make the breakup much easier than others like “what you’re doing bothers me,” even though it’s true.

Use as little emotional language as possible, avoiding as much as possible saying “you” and “I”. Speak expressing your pain and sorrow that things are not working out, without blaming or criticizing.

7. Validate with kindness

Don’t get defensive about the accusations, feelings, and statements your partner may make. Replace defensive or hostile attitude with validation. For example, if she tells you: “You are the worst thing in this world”, do not say: “I am not the worst”, because then you will be assuming a defensive posture that will further increase her hostility. In these cases it is better to validate what she says, like this: “I can see why you say it and how you feel. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

8. Avoid stereotypes and clichés

Phrases like “it’s not for you, it’s for me”, “we can still be friends” or “surely there is someone better for you waiting for you somewhere” are empty, ready-made words.

Avoid stereotypical expressions and reactions. That will only provoke a worse reaction in the other person and make you feel worse, because you yourself will realize that by submitting to these clichés, you lose part of the control.

9. Breathe consciously before saying anything

Since you don’t know what’s going to happen, you don’t know how you’re going to react. This is what generates so much anxiety. That’s why, Before responding to what the other person tells you, breathe consciously. Breathing will allow you to maintain control of your emotions and not get carried away by them.

To conclude, ending a romantic relationship requires a lot of assertiveness and delicacy. Being prepared, setting limits and not letting yourself be manipulated are key to ending a relationship that no longer works, that has no future and that prevents the growth of both.

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