9 key questions to delve deeper into the importance of emotional intelligence

Aristotle said that Anyone can get angry, since that is something very simple. However, getting angry at the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way… is really difficult.

This is one of the famous observations that we make use of today to talk about the concept of emotional intelligence, the complexity of managing our emotions and many other concerns that arise when dealing with these topics.

However, we should ask ourselves if, after having heard hundreds of times about emotional intelligence, we know what we are talking about. That’s why With this article we want to clarify concepts and make certain reflections on the subject. Let’s look at some of them.

1. What is emotional intelligence?

Does being emotionally intelligent mean being motivated for everything, having high self-esteem or excessive optimism? The answer is no. However, according to some people’s reading of this concept, being emotionally intelligent means being the possessor of this diverse set of attributes.

For a few years now we have been hearing repeatedly the importance of developing our self-esteem, our emotional intelligence, our self-concept and many similar terms. However, in the end we only know that there are a lot of skills that we have to achieve but we don’t know how to get to them or how they are related.

In reality, this circumstance is due to the fact that it is not very clear whether, when they talk to us about emotional intelligence, they are referring to a capacity (as Salovey and Mayer refer) or to a set of traits or attributes that we must possess and strive to develop as personality traits, motivation traits and emotion traits (as Daniel Goleman referred to).

2. What implications does it have to consider emotional intelligence as a set of traits?

This last conceptualization, which is the most popular, has the disadvantage of “forcing” the person to be a “totally emotional” being that does not differentiate their emotional abilities from empathy, persistence, optimism, motivation…

This perspective allows, therefore, to outline the human being in a very global way and yes, everything is related but…, Can we affirm that as we relate to our emotions we are one type of person or another?Would we like them to think that about us? Obviously not, and this is the first thing that leads us to confusion.

If we come to understand and be critical of this, we will not have a mixture or hodgepodge of advice and guides to be more emotionally intelligent without really knowing how to internalize what they propose to us. At the end of the day what it comes down to is integrating it, making it ours in its entirety to achieve a certain emotional stability.

For these and other reasons, It seems that it is more advisable to understand emotional intelligence from the point of view of Salovey and MayerI mean, like “the ability to perceive, evaluate and express emotions accurately; the ability to access and/or generate feelings that facilitate thinking; the ability to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, the ability to regulate emotions promoting emotional and intellectual growth.”

3. Why have we started hearing this term in recent years?

The society is “waking up” thanks to the fact that researchers, trainers and the media have placed emphasis on disseminating the concept of emotional intelligence, which has allowed it to reach the entire world and spread throughout the world. a society that is traditionally used to punishing emotions.

In general we tend to think that feeling makes us less effective, strong and capable when it comes to making decisions and walking through life.. We feel kidnapped by what the term symbolizes because we have become aware that there is no moral superiority of reason in relation to emotions. In fact, this division is fictitious, since We cannot separate emotions, thoughts and sensations.

4. What role do our emotions play in our daily lives?

Emotions play an essential role. We cannot conceive a day to day without feeling or getting emotional. From the moment we get up until we go to bed, emotions govern our actions. What’s more, if we stop to think, not even dreams are free of emotion, in fact many times we only manage to remember the sensations that those dreams provoked in us.

It can be said that we feel as well as we think and that any type of situation generates an emotion in us. This, without a doubt, has an impact on what we project on others, on the decisions we make, on the paths we take…

5. What mistakes do we usually make?

Habitually We make the mistake of rejecting negative emotions precisely because they are painful or uncomfortable. By rejecting I don’t just mean ignoring, but we also punish them in others. This happens in a very striking way when we are faced with a child’s tantrum, we usually say things like “don’t cry”, “it’s no big deal”thus conveying the message that “Strong people don’t cry or break down.”

Repressing emotions is not a good way to manage them. But exploding them, like when we have a fit of anger, doesn’t either. The ideal is to begin training ourselves in the control of our moods and emotional states. Thus, we will be able to control them instead of letting them control us disproportionately.

We have to observe the emotion without getting involved with it. When we are angry or sad, the correct thing to do is to observe that anger or sadness from a mental distance. Observe and analyze what causes it and not cling to the emotion so as not to make the mistake of letting ourselves be carried away by it for longer than necessary.

6. Are emotions such as sadness or anger healthy?

Indeed. This statement may be shocking but we have to realize that Negative emotions like sadness and anger are not unhealthy.but rather they appear in us with a purpose.

Not allowing ourselves emotions is not positive for us. Every emotion has something to tell us and we really can’t hide them. To explain this, I like to use a very illuminating example which is the following. A person allergic to dust would never think of keeping the dust under the carpet believing that it would not affect them.

7. What are the consequences of not understanding our emotions?

Not correctly extracting the information that our emotional system provides us means making mistakes in our decisions and in the considerations we have. Not knowing us, rejecting us, repressing us and even punishing us.

As we have said before, Emotions are present at all times, therefore, the more appropriate our strategies are, the more active and decisive we will be. Our general well-being depends on our psychological and physical health.

8. What role do emotions play in the workplace?

The world of work is changing. We are not only valued for “smart” who we are academically speaking or by our training or experience, but also takes into account how we relate to ourselves and to others.

Our performance largely depends on how we manage our emotions and those of others. This is what Goleman, the father of emotional intelligence, calls “portable skills.” Being emotionally intelligent is a better predictor of success than what we traditionally understand as “intelligence”since it better determines our flexibility and adaptability to the job.

9. What pending issues do we have left as a society in relation to this?

We still have a lot to learn. Among other things, it remains pending that our children, adolescents and young people receive quality emotional education from school. But For there to be a true revolution, we adults must also agree to relearn about understanding and managing our emotions. That is why the treatment of emotions in the media, as well as in advertising, etc., is so important.

Emotional Intelligence: Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Intelligence

Finally, add a theory that has gained a lot of weight in recent years. It’s about the Theory of Multiple Intelligences by Howard Gardner. According to this author, there are different types of intelligence, among which we find Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence could be a conjunction of these two types of intelligence. According to Howard Gardner, Intrapersonal Intelligence consists of knowing ourselves, knowing who we are, knowing how to regulate and understand our emotions. On the other hand, the Interpersonal Intelligence would be almost the same but with others. In this way, the theory of Emotional Intelligence could be linked with the Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

Psychology is a science that advances day by day. Thus, the debate about whether emotional management and management can be a skill or an intelligence is still on the table. Thus We offer the reader the possibility of continuing searching and investigating the exciting world of intelligence and emotions..

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