9 clues to detect emotional blackmail

All people who practice emotional blackmail have traits in common, “skills” that fuel their manipulative or extortion behavior. They feed on fear, guilt, and the obligation for the other person to do what they want.

Emotional blackmailers don’t see the other person for who they are; But they conceive it as a mere instrument that they can manipulate to get what they want, without caring how it may feel. In fact, they use other people’s feelings to get what they want.

That said, let’s look at the traps that an emotional blackmailer uses to avoid falling into their clutches.

The fear behind emotional blackmail

Fear is usually the emotion hidden behind every emotional blackmail. In this case, manipulators may be afraid of loneliness, of being rejected, of losing power, etc. In short, almost always, it is about the “fear of losing” something or someone.

These fears usually develop in childhood, specifically when growing up in a non-containing and affectionate environment; which leads them to develop, among other things, self-doubt, low self-esteem, and lack of trust in those around you.

Therefore, anyone who has emotional deficiencies can become an emotional blackmailer. Besides, They are more likely to manipulate in situations that make them feel vulnerablesuch as a divorce, job loss, illness, etc.

By this we do not mean that all people who get divorced, lose their jobs, or get sick are blackmailers or emotional manipulators. But the probabilities increase when an event occurs that can act as a trigger.

How does an emotional blackmailer make you feel?

Somehow, When a person begins to give in to a blackmailer, the price they may pay is very expensive. The problem is that we don’t always realize what is happening.

When we interact with an emotional manipulator We may begin to doubt our ability to keep our own promises. We lose confidence in ourselves, our self-esteem levels decline and, the worst thing is that we allow ourselves to be convinced by their tactics and end up losing our integrity, independence, dreams, desires, etc.

Although emotional blackmail is not considered violent psychophysical abuse, it does not leave any less profound marks. On the contrary, When we live with a person with these characteristics, it damages the deepest part of our being, something that is more difficult to heal than physical wounds.

9 signs that we are suffering emotional blackmail

To help you recognize if someone close to you, or yourself, is being a victim of emotional blackmail, below we show you the most common signs of this abuse.

1. They create uncertainty and restlessness

Blackmailers Don’t Always Clearly Express What They Want, but they allow the other to “guess it.” In this way, they keep the other in tension and lead them to always be attentive to their whims.

In this case, it is common for the blackmailer to stop talking to the other for any reason and use hints such as “you will know what you have done”, to subdue his victim.

2. They lack empathy

The emotional blackmailer only cares about your interestsso they are unable to attend to and understand the needs of others

Therefore, when we think differently from the blackmailer, he does not feel happy, he becomes angry and makes us feel responsible for his sadness. He resists thinking like his partner, his friends, his parents, etc. He does not accept anything that is not how he wants or how he would like it to be.

3. They pressure the victim

When they are faced with an impediment or obstacle that prevents them from achieving what they want, they begin to act in a more direct way. Constantly pushing until the other changes their mind.

In these cases, he argues, complains, cries, shouts, gets angry, it doesn’t matter.l. The point is that he “convinces” (not in the best way) that his point of view is the most accurate.

4. They awaken guilt and pity in their victim

To get what they want they also resort to phrases like “with everything I have done for you and you pay me with this”; “You are going to kill me one of these days with your actions”, “without me you are nobody”, “you owe me everything”etc.

The goal is for the other person to feel guilt or pity and submit to their wishes against their own will.

5. Threats, another sign of emotional blackmail

If you still cannot get what you want, if you see that your desires collide with the other’s refusal, you begin to “count” what the consequences of this wrong decision may be. The threat can be through pain, misfortune or even death..

Some threatening phrases are: “If you leave me I will kill myself”, “you are going to pay for everything you have done to me”, “you will suffer the consequences”etc.

6. They resort to victimhood

They cry or feign illness to upset others, cause grief, and have control over the other.. This would be the sophisticated version of the use of blame that we mentioned earlier.

7. They awaken obedience in others

Since the other person does not want to see him/her in a bad light or separate from him/her, he/she gives in and accepts his/her point of view.. This does not mean that he agrees or that he has changed his mind, but he simply does it so as not to cause more problems and so that the other does not suffer.

Thus, ground is beginning to be lost, which is very difficult to recover.

8. They insult and disqualify their victim

To weaken the self-esteem of the other, It magnifies any mistake he may make and makes him believe that he is useless.. In addition to this, it leads him or her to think that without him or her the person is nothing, which forces him or her to stay by his or her side.

9. Reiteration of previous behaviors

If the above behaviors occur again and again it is because we are in big trouble. Pressure, pity, guilt, blame, or the favorite gadget will not be used for that topic, but for another.

And this is how we enter a vicious circle from which there is no escape.

How to get rid of emotional blackmail?

If we are being victims of emotional blackmail, it is important that we take the necessary measures to free ourselves from this type of abuse as soon as possible. To do this, we recommend the following:

Learn to manage your emotional states. This involves knowing how to identify your emotions, as well as knowing how to express them and channel them in the best way.Strengthen your self-esteem. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses, learn to trust yourself, practice self-care, encourage a more loving and compassionate internal dialogue.Avoid falling into guilt. To do this, in the event of possible errors, take responsibility for seeking solutions and learning from experience.Get ahead of the blackmailer’s responses. Prepare for conversations, learn from past situations, analyze them and draw your own conclusions. This can help you be more resourceful in future interactions with that person. When you interact with the blackmailer, Focus on your goal, don’t get entangled or confused.Learn to be assertive. Communicate without defending yourself, don’t apologize, don’t give in, don’t give up.Avoid falling into provocations. When faced with aggression or disrespect, assertively set limits and leave if possible.Stay firm in your opinions and decisions, don’t give explanations. The fewer words you use the better, remember that emotional blackmailers are very skilled, and the more information they have, the easier it will be for them to turn your arguments around. Giving you the opportunity to convince you or make you doubt.Always keep your basic rights in mind. This will help you gain respect and know how to identify when they are being violated.Stay away from that person. As much as possible avoid interacting with these types of people. Since they can cause you a lot of discomfort

In conclusion, We highlight the importance of paying attention to the first warning sign of emotional blackmailthe first “if you leave me I’ll kill myself” either “I will not be able to live without you”, because then it may be too late.

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