8 Reasons You Should Stop Complaining About Your Partner (If You’re Not a Japanese Woman)

The role of women in modern Japan is quite complex and different from what the West is used to. It is the result of ancient and solid traditions that have existed for millennia in the Land of the Rising Sun. The Japanese family has its own values ​​and customs and, in most cases, is still quite patriarchal. But that’s changing, as you’ll see at the end of the post.

We, from Incrível.clubwe often talk about the peculiar upbringing of Japanese children, and today we want to dedicate our time to those who are behind it all: their mothers.

The teachings of Buddhism (the most common religion in Japan) say that women are below men, in addition to carrying evil and being responsible for discord. To reach the state of nirvana, she would need to be reborn as a man. And the only way to do that is to suffer, because only then could she pay for her “original sin”.

This makes girls, from a young age, see themselves as “second-rate” individuals. The relationship that parents have with a son is different from the one they have with a daughter. Furthermore, as she matures, the woman understands sooner or later that she will have to marry and assume an even more subordinate position. Her only task, therefore, will be to procreate and educate her children.

The Constitution of Japan, adopted in 1947, granted women equal status (under the law) with men. However, the culture of patriarchy is still strong in many Japanese families. This is evident both in the “oppressive” power that a family man normally displays and in the woman’s submission to her husband, and especially with regard to the supposed male “superiority”, which makes men feel more powerful than women. women.

The Japanese are not in the habit of showing their feelings in public. A Japanese romantic date would be described as long conversations, going to the movies, and strolling through the park. During this time, the man should not even think about touching the woman’s hand. On the other hand, curiously, the Japanese tend not to delay asking their loved one to marry them. The problem, however, is that this is done without any “western” romanticism (no kneeling or surprises). The man may be, for example, watching a TV show and suddenly decide to ask if the woman would like to marry him. If the answer is in the affirmative, he continues to watch the show as if nothing happened.

A girl, brought up under Japanese patriarchal traditions, will be extremely happy, because very soon she will be a wife, and that means she will have more “value” in the eyes of society.

In view of Japan’s cultural specifics, there are things that girls simply cannot do and those that are considered shameful. A Japanese woman will never do something that causes her shame, even if she wants to.

A Japanese woman will be embarrassed if she is seen chewing or baring her teeth during a meal. Girls have a habit of covering part of their face with their hands while eating. Until recently, if the date with the boyfriend or the meeting between friends was in a restaurant or cafe, the girls would only opt for a drink to satisfy their hunger, while the men at the table would devour a plate of food. As if that wasn’t enough, taking food in hand wasn’t embarrassing. But that’s just for men.

Under no circumstances should the woman show the part of the cup below the collarbone and above the waist. Blouses and T-shirts that have “revealing” cuts are only worn over other clothing items. Such cuts would be valid only to show that under a nice blouse, there is another nice blouse.

If a woman’s voice intonation isn’t “feminine” enough (almost like a whisper), her words will make little sense. Men may even consider it impolite.

This common expression means, in Japanese, “respect the man, despise the woman”. It is common for men to use the informal word “you” to refer to their wives, which is also used to refer to subordinate people. At the same time, the wife, when addressing her husband, should use something like “Mr.”, a treatment also intended for people of higher hierarchy or social status.

A married Japanese man is convinced that his duty as a husband is fully fulfilled if he provides his wife with enough housing and money to live on. In return, he demands only one thing from his wife: service.

Furthermore, the Japanese woman can never emerge victorious over a man. In nothing. The only time she could boast would be if she had won some judo competition.

We are not saying that a woman is forced to leave her job after marriage. She herself decides if she wants to continue working and build a career. However, a woman can only make this decision if it does not prevent her from taking care of her family. These days, however, more and more Japanese women choose to pursue a professional career rather than marry.

All household chores are essentially a woman’s responsibility. The husband comes home from work to rest and must not take care of even the smallest of household chores. Husbands, in turn, demand ideal cleanliness and organization in the house from their wives.

All Japanese wives must get up before their husbands to make breakfast and prepare lunch for work. A Japanese man can work 12 hours or more, but he must always be well dressed and groomed. That’s why washing and ironing clothes is also a woman’s job.

The Japanese prefer different dishes in small amounts; that is why small bowls with different foods are placed on the table. The wife cannot choose to cook just one dish that will be served for a few days. Instead, she has to prepare different dishes every day. Afterwards, she removes them from the table and washes the dishes.

The upbringing and care of children also rests entirely on the shoulders of the mother of the family. A typical Japanese father works all day, gets very tired and only sees his children and his wife on weekends. In Japan, it is not customary to send children to kindergarten; therefore the child under 5 years of age is in the care of the mother. She must take her son or daughter wherever she goes, even being able to sleep in the same bed.

For the Japanese it doesn’t matter if the marriage was based on love or not when you have children. Therefore, even in marriages where the spouses are very much in love and love each other, after the birth of a baby, the man will see his wife not as the beloved woman, but as the mother of his children. As men are in the habit of going out with friends to the bar after work, women often spend their evenings alone. Plus, to alleviate post-work stress, men can even spend time in “love paid” establishments, which is not a blameworthy habit.

During this time, the wife makes the bed (in many Japanese families, husbands prefer to sleep apart to get a good night’s sleep before a hard day’s work) and wait for the husband to serve dinner. It is not customary to ask where he was or what he was doing. If he wasn’t home, it’s because he couldn’t get there sooner. And point.

Many Japanese women are mistreated at home. No one will be shocked if they see a woman on the street with bruises on her face. At the same time, the famous saying “dirty clothes can be washed at home” is valid among Japanese women. That’s why women won’t complain about their husbands to the police or even to friends.

More than half of Japanese wives dream of divorce, but few dare to go ahead with the idea. Separation always involves the division of assets, and although it is not common for Japanese husbands to leave their wives penniless and homeless, women are still very afraid of losing everything. In addition, few are able to balance the life of a housewife with a job, which means that, after the divorce, they will find it difficult to support themselves, as they have been out of the job market for a long time.

The Japanese young generation is increasingly inclined to think that there must be equality in the family. These days, it’s not uncommon to see a man in Japan looking after the kitchen or the kids. On the streets, too, there are more and more men with shopping bags helping their wives with the housework.

In today’s families, especially in big cities, under the influence of Western culture, spouses are increasingly using the pronoun “you” when addressing each other. Many young couples start businesses together and the wife is on an equal footing with her husband.

How do you see Japan’s shift from patriarchal society to more equal families? Leave your comment!