8 keys to identify if you grew up in a dysfunctional family

Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? It may be so. We all know that no one can choose the place and the people who will be their parents, but what we are clear about is that what these figures do or don’t do will leave a permanent mark on us. For better or worse. Because those first life experiences are imprints of great importance.

Nevertheless, There are many who point out that “my family is a disaster” or “in my house it was all shouting and disagreements.” Not all dynamics and experiences lived are the result of dysfunctionality. Sometimes, even within the chaos there is love and our well-being is sought. It is possible that the screams came from parents who did not love each other and who eventually separated, but that our attention was not neglected at any time.

There are many families and of different types. However, family environments defined by the dysfunctional create a spider web in which there are conflicts, neglect, abuse, violence, authoritarianism and, in many cases, even mental disorders.

The feature that integrates everything like a subtle patina of suffering is unpredictability. The child or adolescent does not know what is going to happen at all times. The feelings of anguish and lack of control in which not being able to adjust their behavior to avoid punishment or abuse, plunges them into a constant state of permanent stress. No one emerges from an unhappy childhood completely unscathed.

8 signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

When it comes to the dysfunctional family, it is believed that it responds to a very specific profile. Low social class couple on the verge of separation. Although it does not always respond to this pattern, in fact, If there is something that defines this family unit, it is stability when it comes to projecting negative and harmful dynamics.. So we often have parents who complement each other in this abusive dynamic.

The nuances and singularities that outline these homes are immense. Research work such as those carried out at the Federal University of Kazan (Russia) They point out that this dysfunction translates into childhood psychological trauma. The impact of these experiences sustained over time is devastating for the child’s development.

On the other hand, the McGraw-Hill dictionary of modern medicine defines these situations as family experiences of high conflict. These stressful and unpredictable dynamics marked by different forms of violence violate every basic need of the human being. So, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, these areas are probably familiar to you.

1. Physical violence and threats as the main means of control

Threats are a constant, a coercive measure that is frequently used supposedly to educate children. The language is always violent, lacking affection and governed by shouting. In many cases, it can even lead to physical violence, hitting, forcefully grabbing the arm, pushing…

2. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, abuse was present in any of its forms.

We understand abuse as any behavior intended to harm someone who is more vulnerable or who, due to their situation, age or circumstance, is at a disadvantage. So, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family You may have suffered the weight of authoritarian education, disqualification, mistreatment, sexual abuse, etc.

3. You witnessed family conflict

Dysfunctional families argue, insult each other, challenge each other, fight… The home is filled with shouting, there are continuous disagreements, either between the parents themselves or with other figures. All those dynamics with violent components leave a mark and are not forgotten.

4. Emotional invalidation, what you wanted or needed was not important

Something that remains in the mind of those who have suffered the impact of living in a dysfunctional family is the feeling of not being important. What you need doesn’t count. What you feel is not important, it is best to silence it and repress it. Fears, sadness, tears… There are many emotions silenced and swallowed up.

5. No communication, they preferred you quiet and submissive

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family you will remember that not only were your needs not important, neither were your words. They preferred you to be quiet, because for your parents silence was a sign of good education, submission and obedience. Thus, if at any time you dared to give your opinion or contradict your parents you were punished.

6. Unequal treatment, discrimination

Prejudices, gender biases and all types of discrimination often occur in these family microcosms.. Sometimes, the older brother is appreciated more than the younger ones, boys over girls. Or it is the father who commands and orders while the mother remains in the background.

7. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you were isolated for a long time.

This data is striking. According to a study carried out at the University of Barcelona, ​​a type of parental terrorism is practiced in dysfunctional families. It is that in which children are isolated from the social environment.

The children and the couple themselves barely have contact with the extended family (uncles, grandparents, cousins…). They are also limited in their opportunities to make friends, to enjoy their peers beyond school.

8. Addictions or mental disorders, a common trait in parents

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, it is very likely that one of your parents suffered from some type of addiction or psychological disorder. Alcoholism, drugs, gambling addiction or borderline personality disorder, for example, may be behind these abusive behaviors.

They are situations of high personal impact that wear down all the members of that small social nucleus. These realities trace that chaos and unpredictability that we talked about at the beginning. You cannot predict how that person or those people will react at any given moment, everything is uncertain and violent at the same time.

To conclude, being part of these microcosms in childhood and adolescence undermines a good part of our values, psychological tendons and emotional universes. Something that we cannot neglect in these cases when we reach adulthood is to heal ourselves, rebuild ourselves to leave everything we have experienced behind and look to the future with hope.

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